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“He’s your brother, and you should have just had a conversation about it. Find out why he did it.”
He laughs. “Have you ever tried talking to Jason?”
“I did… once, and it was kind of hard going.”
“Understatement.”
As we park the car, I look at Richard, and he’s still slee
ping. Maybe the test was too much for him.
“Did the doctor say that he would be drowsy from the test?”
He doesn’t answer. He’s staring at Richard, so I repeat the question.
He quietly says, “No.” Then, his phone alarm goes off, and it wakes Richard up.
“Damn, he’s not messing with his food.”
I smile and say, “Just like his dad.”
I don’t know what happened at the clinic. Noah seems lost in his thoughts, and then I remember why we hooked up in the first place. Noah always managed to say the right thing. Sure, I was exaggerating when I said that he teased me back in high school. I was no different than the jocks, the nerds, or anyone else that crossed paths with Noah and his little posse. They ruled the school and everyone wanted to be like them—popular. Or at least get to know them. I was in between. Not popular, but definitely not a part of the nerd group. I just knew that I wanted to be a singer. I was in a band, and then when we fell out, I went solo. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I think about that night—the one where we came together—but then I think about us now, and I'm determined that things need to change.
Chapter Nine
Noah
After feeding Richard, I decide to head to the kitchen and whip us up a meal. Everyone says that I’m obsessed with my diet. That’s not true. It’s just that working on a ranch is hard going, so I try not to keep crap in the house. I don’t even buy beer. I must be the only guy in Texas who never buys beers. Drinking is for going out, and I find that there’s nothing lonelier than drinking alone, so I try and avoid it.
“What you cooking?” Kylie asks as she sits on the kitchen bench.
“Couscous, chicken, and some beans.”
“Looks good.” I can tell that she’s not happy about it. “Only healthy produce here, baby.”
“Yeah, I know it’s just what I need. Even my skin’s clearing up since I’ve been here.”
“That’s good, right?”
She shrugs. “I suppose.”
Shit, I remember her being the most confident girl in the world—the one that would walk into a room and just light it up. I wonder what changed her? What made her give up?
“I work on the ranch all day, and I need this to help fuel me up, or I’ll just be a mess.”
She’s not listening as she heads to the table and just sits and looks out of the window. It suits me because I’m not in the mood for small talk, especially after the visit to the doctor. One minute I’m finding out if he’s my son, and then it dawns on me. What’s going to happen if he’s not my son? Little Richard will go into a home, and then just say Candy comes back. What would I say to her? ‘Hey, he’s not here, and he’s not mine!’ She must have thought that he was mine and that’s why she left him with me. Otherwise, why would she do it? Then again, some girls have funny ideas, and maybe this is a ploy to get her hands on some dough. But, if that were the case, then she would have contacted me when she was pregnant, not now. I don’t know her. One night, and everything's become so fucking complicated!
“I just realized that I was rude, and I should have offered to help.” She struggles to smile at me.
“Only if you tell me what happened.”
She sighs. “Do you really want to know?”
I regret asking the question, but I nod as I think that she should bring it up. I believe that anything’s better than the crap that’s going through my mind. Besides, I need a distraction, and hearing her problems makes me feel as if mine are insignificant right now.
“Hit me with it!”
“Can we eat first?”
I start dishing up the food. It’s clear that she’s hungry. Besides, it was a long drive to the clinic and back. I didn’t even apologize for her waiting so long. I was just trying to process the whole thing in my mind, especially the part about the possibility of Richard not being mine. Then, by the same token, if he is my son, what the fuck am I going to do? Kylie’s not moving in with me. Grandma will come back for a while, and then she’ll be off again. I’ll be left alone with him. On a ranch. Kindergarten. School. College. The whole idea of it all scares me.
“Sure,” I say, as I take the two plates and put them on the table. I always lay out the table so that whenever I'm home from working, I can just go in the kitchen, whip something up, and sit down and eat. Sometimes, if I'm desperate for company, I'll ask Carl to join me. Usually, he'll just sit there and stare into oblivion. I laugh at myself sometimes after asking him, thinking that I'd have a better conversation with one of the dead dudes from The Walking Dead. Most of the time, one of the boys pops by. They all love my cooking. I must admit that I'm kind of handy in the kitchen, but then I used to be so close to my mom that I knew the only real way to spend time with her would be in the kitchen.
Having the table set is easy, so apart from drinks, there’s nothing else for Kylie to do. She goes to the fridge. “Damn! Don’t you have anything else but water?”
She knows the answer to her question as she shrugs and brings out a bottle of water. “Hey, there’s sparkling if you like.”
“Great, still or sparkling water. Damn, you’re like some monk or something.”
I bow and say, “My body’s like a temple.”
I leave out the part that it’s only like that Monday through Friday night. The rest of the time, I’m partying like there’s no tomorrow, making up for my youth.
She sits down and we eat in silence. She’s eating it as if she hasn’t eaten in a month. I stop and watch her.
“This tastes so good,” she hums, as she puts another piece of chicken in her mouth.
“There’s more if you like.”
“That’s music to my ears.”
We stop and look at each other and laugh. The irony of her using music to describe the meal breaks the silence.
“Do you ever stop thinking about music?”
She sighs. “Before right now, music was my life. I couldn’t go a day without thinking about a song or work, but now I try and avoid it as best I can.”
“How?”
I’m fucking curious as to what she does to pass the time if she never works.
“Eat.”
She lifts up her right arm and flicks it.
“Err,” she says, shaking the flesh of her arm. “It’s so disgusting, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I think about dieting every single day.”
“Think about it. Why? I think you look good with some meat on you. You were too skinny before.”
“You never said anything.”
I would say that the wine was going to our heads, but we weren't drinking any. Our eyes locked and we just stared at each other for a brief moment. That's when I realized that our attraction was still there. I thought that it had gone. I had kind of felt a little tingle, but nothing compared to now. This must be why she's stopped wearing hoodies. I've been so stressed about the ranch and this test that I kind of took it for granted that the one woman that I've wanted to be with—really be with—is here.
Jessica… Sure, I asked her to move in because I never in a million years thought that Kylie thought of me this way. She told me that she didn't want to talk about it. She goes out of her way to avoid me. Most of all, she's a singing sensation.
“You’ll always be beautiful to me, no matter the size.”
I pop the last of my meal in my mouth and just continue to take in her beauty.
“I don’t like being this size. Something in between will do.”
“Let’s work on that tomorrow by going for a walk together. We can put Richard in the stroller and walk at least five miles.”
“You’re trying to kill me?”
I get up and move toward her. I lean down and give her a gentle kiss on the cheek and say, “No. Just trying to make you feel better.” I think that the kiss will give me the invitation I need to take it further, but it doesn’t since Richard decides to wake up at the wrong time. It’s as if he knows when to get to me. I clear
my throat and say, “Someone’s hungry,” as I dump the plates back on the table.
She says, “He’s not the only one.”
Somehow, I don’t believe that she’s referring to food. It’s something completely different, and I want to tell her that I’m not the only one. After all this time, nothing's changed about us. It makes me feel good because for the first time in my life, being a dad and a possible husband doesn’t feel so terrible after all. Then again, maybe I'm just getting carried away in the moment. We’re each going through something right now. It could just be that and we're exhausted, but something tells me that it's not.
Chapter Ten
Kylie
Last night, I thought that Noah would come into my room, but after seeing to Richard, he just fell asleep on the chair. I didn't want to wake him. I wanted him to come to me, not for me to hint.
But he never did. Maybe I'm misreading the signals, but I thought that there’s still something between us.
As promised, he came back from working on the ranch midday, and we went for our walk. This place is so damn beautiful, part of me doesn’t want to leave. I know that Noah won’t say no because he needs help with Richard, but I want him to want me.
Ever so often, he just stops and looks at Richard, even when he’s crying. When I first came, he was acting like the competent dad, but now he kind of looks lost.
We’re on the sofa crashing out because we know that we have around four hours before Richard wakes up and needs another feeding.
“Kylie,” he says as he looks at me with fire in his eyes. I’m leaning on his shoulder, hoping that this is the moment that I’ve been waiting for. It’s as if he answers my prayers as he takes my head in one hand and pulls me into him.
He captures my lips with his, and I can feel the heat simmering in my stomach as if I’ve never been kissed before—as if this is my first time. The only offers I get these days are other fading stars who want someone prestigious to hang out with so that they can get recognized again, or other stars who just want to look as if they have other famous friends.
