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“Abbey”, Henry warns her, unsure how sensitive his daughter will be to the mention of her stepbrother.
Abbey continues undeterred. “I had no idea you’d come flying out of those doors, but when I saw you in the middle of all that chaos, you know, swamped by those people with placards and banners and, by the way, did you see some of the sizes of those lenses, I mean talk about compensating, well I had to rescue you. Super Abbey to the rescue! So, it was like that, I guess.”
“Thank you”, Sash says, more happy than she thought she would be to see her best friend.
“No problem”, Abbey says. Sash knows the look she is giving her means “you better tell me more though, otherwise I’m disowning you.”
Sash has her father’s hand in hers. Against her soft skin his fingers feel rough, and shredded. She doesn’t remember them being this coarse, but then it may have been a while since she’s held them.
“Are you hungry?” Tracy asks.
“No, thank you”, Sash responds. “I think I’m going to rest for a while. It’s been quite a busy day already.”
There is another awkward silence while the four of them stand about like marionettes who have just become self aware.
“Well I guess that’s it”, Henry says after a while. “Welcome back home sweetie, you know, again. Come down when you are ready to eat.”
“Thanks Dad”, Sash says, and this time, when he lifts the coffee cup to his mouth, she sees the red lines that mark the skin by his wrist.
***
Upstairs, back in Dante’s room, simply because there is nowhere else she can go, she flops on the bed like a complete and utter failure, while Abbey lies down alongside her. This isn’t the first time they’ve done this together, and Sash is more appreciative than she is able to demonstrate that it is clear that despite what has happened they are likely to do it again. Abbey has always been there for her, and in the light of this recent revelation, a declaration that has already lost her a handful of her less open minded friends, it is an incredible feeling not only to have her support, but feel like she doesn’t owe her anything.
Her father and Tracy are the same. They could easily have freaked out about it, but neither one have given her any impression that what they have done is wrong. Not only that, it seems as though neither of them are all that surprised by the news. Even though she’s not asking, Sash feels like she owes Abbey. She owes her parents too, but talking to them is much more difficult, and she knows it will come only when it needs to, at another time in the future. Abbey is her best friend and she deserves to know the truth. The secrets, the lies and everything else in between.
While Sash does just that, the words flowing out of her as easily as the tears as soon as she gets going, and Abbey sits alongside her or opposite, or cross legged or reenacts the dance and the very first kiss until Sash pulls her back to the bed and the two girls giggle conspiratorially, Sash finally able to feel the weight lifting of carrying around a secret with her for so long, Tracy looks at her husband sat down at the long pine table he’s had for longer than either of their children have been alive, a chaos of intricate metal pieces spread out on an old newspaper in front of him, of a mechanical jigsaw that refuses to come together, and can’t keep it in any longer.
“Are you going to tell them?”, Tracy asks, the first time she’s had a chance to do so in the chaos of the day, wet hands from the sink wrapped briefly in a tea towel to the side, mostly to just do something with them.
Henry sighs. “I’m fine”, he says. “You can see I’m fine. That’s the main thing.”
“That’s not the point”, Tracy insists. “She should know. She has to know.”
Henry turns in his chair to face his wife. “We don’t even know-” he begins and then hangs his head, cutting the sentence short. “It’s none of our business.”
“Don’t let me see you regret it”, Tracy says. “I mean it Henry, that boy is dangerous.”
Abbey can’t believe what she’s hearing. Six years and she had no idea. How could she be Sash’s best friend and not know such a huge secret. Dante was the douche that ran away, which kind of figures really, with the very latest twist to the story. The billionaire that wants to put the business before everything else. Her very own stepbrother.
“You could have told me, you know?” Abbey’s not angry, she’s just gutted to have missed out on something for so long, like being the last person to find out about a TV series everyone else has been watching.
“I wanted to tell you”, Sash says, holding Abbey’s hand now. Finally the tears have stopped. Finally she’s cried herself numb. “I just couldn’t. I didn’t know how you would react, and then it came and went and we were over. This. Dante and I, it’s just so recent, and now it’s over again. I can’t believe it.”
“I can’t believe it either”, Abbey agrees. “You know, doing all of that for you, and then doing what he did to you, and now this. It fucking sucks. I mean what a douche. He’s hot as hell, and I’m so jealous right now over what you two lovebirds have done together, right here in this fricking bed, but seriously, what a douche ball.”
“He just wanted to take my virginity, that was all”, Sash says, the words so ridiculous she almost has to laugh. “It was all about that. Giving me my virginity so he could take it back. Nothing else mattered to him.”
“That’s fucked up”, Abbey says. “I mean, I knew Dante was weird, but that’s fucked up.”
“That’s Dante for you”, Sash says. “That’s the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. That’s the father of my unborn child, the man I can’t stop thinking about, even now.”
“And Jason Walker?”
Sash looks away from Abbey for a moment. When she looks back, Abbey is still wearing the same face of mock horror.
“Dante had nothing to do with that”, Sash says. “Jason Walker drowned. I saw it on the news this morning. He was drunk, went skinny dipping and got swept out with the tide. It was an accident.”
“It’s a hell of a coincidence.”
“It’s a coincidence, Abbey. Dante may be a class A jerk-hole, but he’s not a murderer.”
“I can’t work him out”, Abbey says. “He tells you he loves you, and then he does all of this shit that clearly means that he doesn’t.”
“I know. I can’t work him out either. I guess I never will. I mean I’ve been trying for so long. I thought it was me.”
“It isn’t you. Your stepbrother is a freak.”
Sash can feel herself welling up again.
“I love him, Abbey. He may be a freak and he may treat me like shit, but I love him. I can’t stop loving him. I’m broken.”
“Oh, Sash. You’re not broken, don’t say that.”
“It’s not fair”, Sash complains. “It’s not fair for him to do this to me. This fucking bullshit.”
“I know.”
“What am I going to do? I don’t even know if I’ve done the right thing. I mean, he has a point. We can’t go outside because of this, you’ve seen them hanging around out there like a pack of wolves. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have even made it here.”
“He’s putting his business before you”, Abbey argues. “That should tell you all you need to know about his priorities. Look, Sash, I know you love him, but he needs to demonstrate to you that he loves you too, and that means showing you that you are the most important thing in the world to him.”
“Dante will never do anything that will destroy his reputation and jeopardize his career.”
“Then maybe you need to do it on his behalf”, Abbey says. “If you talk to the press and give them your side of the story, then Dante won’t have a choice.”
“It’ll ruin him”, Sash says.
“So what. If he truly loves you, it won’t matter.”
“And w
hat if he doesn’t?”
“Then at least you’ll know, you’ll be able to move on and you’ll have given him what he deserves for what he’s done to you. You can’t help the way you feel about him Sash, but if he doesn’t truly feel the same way, then you need to cut him loose as quickly as possible no matter how much it hurts so to do it. If he doesn’t love you, and he refuses to be there for you and your baby, then all he amounts to is dead weight.”
Abbey puts her hand on Sash’s belly while she lets the weight of her comments sink in. After a while and to shift the subject to something more positive she says. “I knew there was something different about you, even before you went to L.A.”
Sash closes her hand around her best friends, happy too that the subject has been changed. Could she go to the press, do an interview and hope to win him back like that? Or would it only serve to push him further away. If Dante denies what they have together, where does that leave the three of them? What good is a relationship if it has to be so secret they have to virtually lock themselves inside for fear of the repercussions? That would be like living in a prison. Living in denial. Does she really want that? And anyway, now that they know, the press will be stuck to both of them like glue.
As far as she can see it, it’s either a complete and total declaration of acceptance of their relationship, regardless of the consequences, or nothing at all. And nothing at all means no Dante and Sash together, no happy families and a world full of tears and broken dreams that will never be able to be put back together again. It’s a fucking shit choice. Either she speaks up and risks losing Dante, or she doesn’t and she risks never being able to see him again. That’s if he wants to anyway, of course. For all she knows, Dante has completely used her. Now that he’s got what he wants, he’s decided to get rid of her. It was Abbey’s arm under hers at the tower block to rescue her, not Dante, and if she means so much to him, where is he now? She doesn’t want to think about it anymore. Once again, her stepbrother has made her feel like running away and the earth swallowing her up are the only two viable options.
