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She hates me.
I’ve just destroyed the best thing that has ever happened to me. Other than the day I’d lost my unit, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so hurt, so lost as I am right now.
She’s better off without you. You don’t deserve to love her. You don’t deserve anyone.
I grab for my head, hoping to silent the voice inside. I’d made the choice to love her. Now, I must suffer the broken heart because of it.
Chapter Thirty-Four
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
HONEY
It’s been a week since I’ve come home from the hospital. The cuts and bruises have almost all completely healed, but my broken heart is another story. The pain of losing him is almost unbearable. How can I mourn a stranger’s love?
“I honestly can’t believe you, right now. Just look at yourself.” Kyra says, as she catches me looking out the front window. What she doesn’t know is that I’ve been watching Payne load things into the back of his truck all morning.
“What? I can’t look out of my own window?”
She crosses her arms and smirks. “Don’t give me that shit. First, you kick him out of your hospital room. Then, you refuse to take his calls. Now, you’re standing there, moping like some lost puppy dog. Get your sorry ass across the street and talk to him.”
“And what am I supposed to say to him, exactly? ‘Thanks for not killing me?’”
“Well, for starters, you can ask him to stay.”
“Are you even listening to yourself right now? For fuck sake, Kyra, he’s a hitman! He kills people for a living. He was hired to kill me, remember? Am I just supposed to forget that tiny little detail?” Exasperated, I collapse onto the oversize chair.
“He fucking saved you or have you forgotten about that?”
“Of course, I haven’t. I’m grateful for what he did, but that doesn’t excuse him for everything else. Don’t you get it? Every single thing about him has been a complete and total lie. He came here to kill me. He made me trust him. Hell, he even got my son to trust him. How can I ever possibly forgive him?”
She sits on the ottoman in front of me and takes my hand. “Because, you love him.” I stare down at it for a moment, allowing her powerful words to sink in.
“No, I don’t.” I pull away from her.
Damn her for being right.
“Yes, you do.” I stand and walk back towards the window. Frustrated, I run my hand through my hair and let out a loud huff.
“Do you know how insane that sounds? I can’t be in love with a man who was hired to kill me! Besides, you didn’t see the side of him that I did. He slaughtered Broderick without even blinking.”
“So? Good for him! I would have gladly done the same fucking thing if I’d had the chance. I’m thrilled the fucker’s dead.”
Annoyed by her persistence, I push my palm against my forehead. “You’re completely missing the point, Kyra.”
“Really? Well then, look me in the eye and tell me you don’t still care about him.”
“Kyra, I…,” I try like hell to say the words, but I can’t.
“See? You can’t. Damn it, Honey! That man risked everything to save you. Maybe there is more to all of this than you realize. You didn’t see how worried he was when he brought you into the emergency room. He kept saying how scared he was of losing you.”
“Oh, come on! It wasn’t like I was dying or anything.”
“That’s not what he meant and you know it. Can’t you see? He’s madly in love with you, Honey. Give him a chance to explain. There might be more to this than you realize.”
Hitting my limit, I throw my hands up into the air. “This is ridiculous. I never asked for any of this!”
“Maybe not, but I’m telling you to go talk to him before it’s too late. He gave you your life back, Honey. You and Kason are finally safe. That’s fucking amazing! The least you can do is thank him.”
I don’t even bother responding to her. How can I? Deep down, I know she’s right about everything. I just don’t understand how I can be so in love with someone that I don’t even know. What had I been thinking? Perhaps that’s the problem. I wasn’t.
“Fine! Go right ahead and ignore me, but you’re a fucking idiot if you let him leave.” She yells and stomps out of the room. The loud sound of her bedroom door slamming causes me to jump. In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never seen Kyra this angry. Right now, I’m grateful that Kason is at a friend’s house for a play date. I wouldn’t want him to witness us fighting like this.
Closing my eyes, I press my head against the cool windowpane and blow out a long, frustrated breath. Kyra’s like a sister to me. Other than my son, she’s the only real family I have ever known. I hate having her this upset with me, but she doesn’t understand the constant battle going on between my head and my heart. Glancing back across the street, I focus intently on Payne’s house.
Like it or not, I know exactly what I have to do.
PAYNE
I feel her at the door before I ever hear her knock. It’s insane how my body can sense her like that. I’d been slowly loading things into my truck all morning, delaying my inevitable departure. For the past week, I’ve been hoping and praying that she’d take my calls or come to see me. I’d rehearsed my speech over and over again. But, now that she’s standing here, I feel completely clueless as to what to say or do.
“So, you’re leaving?” She asks while looking at the black duffle bags sitting next to the door. Her voice is direct and still full of anger.
I lift the bag off the floor beside of me, dropping it beside the others. “There’s not much point for me to stick around.”
She nods and bites her bottom lip. Even though it’s sexy as hell, I know her body well enough to know she’s trying hard to tell me something.
“So, how does this work, exactly? Do you just move on to the next unsuspecting person?”
“What?” I gasp, stopping in my tracks and frowning at her.
“Tell me, do you always make them trust you first, or am I the only fool who fell for it?”
“Devyn, it’s not like that.” I watch the anger grow in her face.
“My name is Honey. Honey!” She shouts, before turning away to hide the pain in her face. It doesn’t matter if she’s looking at me or not, I can still feel every ounce of it as it permeates the air around us. She takes a deep breath before continuing.
“I need to know what stopped you?”
“Stopped me from what?” I know what she means, but I want her to say it.
“From killing me. Why didn’t you just do it?” She turns to face me. Her tear-stained face breaks my heart.
