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“All kidding aside, it’d be messed up if I pushed it any longer.”
His response was immediate. “I’d understand it.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
“Look, man, we’re cool. I get it. We all get it.”
He was referring to the rest of my old teammates. A handful of us remained close after graduation though Davis was the only one who was persistent in trying to stay in touch with me. The rest of them had given up after a year.
“None of us knows what you went through, obviously,” he continued. “But we all loved Sadie.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“How are you? What’s going on? I get updates from your dad. I know the restaurant is doing well.”
That revelation shook my head. “He never told me he spoke to you.”
“It wasn’t like I called all the time. Just every few months or so. I think it helped him, talking about you to someone. He was worried.”
“Yeah.” I picked at the leather seam on the armrest. “I need to get over there and see him and my mom. I’m doing better. I just…I wouldn’t deal with it before. I am now. Slowly, I’m getting through it.”
“That’s awesome, man. I’m glad to hear that. How’s Marley?”
I smiled. “Good. Getting big. I’m biased, but she’s really fucking cute. You should see her.”
“What about on the Fourth? Are you coming or what?”
I immediately thought about Jenna and the twins. I knew what to expect at Davis’s party. I used to go to them every year. He went all out on the Fourth. Oliver and Olivia would have a blast. I could picture their faces watching the fireworks. Marley’s too. I’d never taken her to see them before. I wanted to. I wanted this memory for us.
“I keep it kid friendly,” Davis shared, misreading my hesitation. “Everyone brings their families now. Marley would have fun, trust me.”
“No, I’m sure she would,” I agreed. “I was thinking about inviting this woman who’s been watching Marley for me. She has two kids. Marley’s really gotten close with them. I know she’d like it if they came. Do you mind if they tag along?”
“Hell no. Bring them. More the merrier and shit.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
“Don’t thank me, Nate. I’m just glad to hear you’re coming.”
Head rolling to the side, I peered out the window at the ocean. Sunlight burned across the horizon, painting the water in streaks of light.
“It’s going to be weird being there without Sadie,” I said.
“I understand that.”
“Or maybe it won’t. Maybe I’ll be fine…Is that fucked up? I’m not sure which is worse.”
“You know what? Let’s just play it out. If you’re not feeling it and you need to go, no one is gonna say shit. Do what’s best for you and Marley. Or if you’re fine, which is how I think Sadie would want you to be, no one is gonna say shit about that either.”
“I don’t give a fuck about what anyone would say. That’s not it.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I sighed and sat forward, hunching over in the chair. I rubbed at my face. “Nothing…I don’t know. It’s early.”
“No fucking shit, you bastard. You’re the one who woke me up.” We laughed together.
“Maybe it’ll just be what it is, man,” Davis offered, no trace of humor in his voice anymore. “Not wrong or fine without her. Just new, you know? Different…”
I considered this. Different wasn’t bad—I was living it. This new normal…life without Sadie. I didn’t hate it. I didn’t want it either, and if I’d had a choice I’d never have asked for this, but it didn’t feel wrong anymore. It just simply was.
Maybe Davis was right.
“Damn.” He sounded impressed.
“What?”
“I just got real profound before five a.m. That does not typically happen.”
I smirked. “Is this your way of saying you’d like a wake-up call every day? I could arrange that.”
“If you call me again this early, I’ll drive the two hours instead of answering and beat the shit out of you.”
I chuckled. I was already feeling better. “It’s good to talk to you, man,” I said, meaning it. I missed this.
“I know. I’m a fucking delight.”
I shook my head and stood, crossing the room to my dresser. I pulled out a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. “All right. I’ll let you get back to your beauty sleep.”
“See you on the Fourth?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
“Good. Later, man.” The call disconnected.
As I sat on the edge of the bed, tying my sneakers, a text came through.
Call anytime. I’ll answer.* * *I got home that night just after seven, but instead of the laughter and animated voices I was used to hearing when I stepped up onto the porch, I heard yelling. Someone was clearly upset.
It was Oliver. That much was clear. I couldn’t make out what he was saying though. Jenna’s voice was raised too, just not as loud as Oliver’s.
