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The entire drive down she mentally planned what she was going to say, envisaging how he might react. He’d probably changed the security code and she wouldn’t even get past the gate. But if that happened she’d just have to climb it.
Almost four hours of non-stop driving later, she pulled up at the heavy gates. Her legs were stiff as she got out of the car and she stretched to ease them. She punched the security code and waited that half-moment.
‘Miss, miss!’
She turned at the voice, startled to see a man with a large camera peering out from a gap in the hedge.
‘Are you here to see Tomas, miss?’
As he asked he took photos of her as she stood, stunned and immobile. And then she heard that familiar creaking of the gates opening.
Galvanised into action, she dashed back to her car and drove through the gates, hoping the man wouldn’t try to follow her in. Nervously she checked the rear-view mirror but to her relief saw he’d remained on the other side of the gates. But he was still taking photos of her.
Good Lord, it was horrendous.
She tried to pull her focus back and remember how she’d planned to greet Tomas, but all she could think was how relieved she was that it wasn’t raining and that she wouldn’t look as bedraggled as she had that first night she’d arrived here.
As she parked the car in front of the big house her heart sank. The beautiful building looked empty and cold and she knew he wasn’t home. She wasn’t surprised he’d left, given there were paparazzi stalking him.
She knocked on the door regardless, hoping the housekeeper might be in, but no one answered. Deflated after driving all that way, she leaned back against the gleaming black door and stared down the driveway. She wasn’t sure what to do next. She didn’t want to drive back out past that photographer. She didn’t want to leave without seeing Tomas.
She’d just have to wait. She slid down the door and sat at the base of it, wrapping her arms around her knees so she was in a tight little ball. She’d wait as long as it took.
But it was only about twenty minutes later when she heard shouting and the faint clang of the gates in the distance. She scrambled to her feet as a car came round the corner of the driveway. Without thinking she walked to the edge of the top step. Her breathing quickened as she recognised the vehicle as Tomas’s big grey four-wheel-drive. As it drew closer she saw he was alone in the car, his expression hidden behind sunglasses. He parked it right behind hers, so it blocked her exit, preventing her from leaving in any great hurry.
She held her breath as he stepped out of the car. There were tired lines in his face, stubble on his jaw, yet there was energy in his leashed movements as he walked towards her. He removed his sunglasses and his gaze burned her skin with that hot accusation—like the time he’d caught her watching him from the window. He was heart-stoppingly gorgeous. But her heart jack-hammered as she realised how angry he was.
‘I—I didn’t tell anyone—’ she stammered immediately, thinking of the paparazzi hounding him at the gate. ‘It wasn’t me.’
‘I know.’ He stopped on the bottom step, meaning his face was almost level with hers.
‘Honestly, I—’ She broke off. He’d believed her?
‘I know it wasn’t you,’ he repeated, his almost black eyes unfathomable and unwavering. ‘Is that why you’re here?’
‘I—’ She didn’t know how to begin.
‘You promised me you’d never come back.’
‘How could I not?’ She knotted her fingers together in front of her to stop herself from reaching out to him. ‘I was worried about you.’
He studied her intently for a long moment. And she studied him—he seemed edgier, but as strong as ever. More strong, if that were possible.
‘It is okay to break a promise because you care about someone?’ he suddenly asked softly. ‘Or to lie because you’re worried about someone?’
‘Some promises aren’t right to keep,’ she answered with a small shrug. ‘And sometimes, yes, you think you’re doing the right thing by lying. But generally I think it’s better to be honest. Even if it hurts.’
She’d hurt herself, and him, by not being as honest as she should have been right from the start. But she just hadn’t been able to be.
‘I know you didn’t leak my amnesia to the press,’ he said decisively. ‘I know that, because I did.’
‘You leaked your own secret?’ She gaped at him. ‘Why? Aren’t you worried about how your clients will react?’
He didn’t answer her directly. He turned and walked back to his car and picked up a manila file from the front passenger seat. He walked back to the foot of the steps and held it out to her.
‘What is it?’ she asked as she opened the cover. But it was obvious the second she looked down. It was the paperwork she’d signed less than a week ago.
‘The annulment has come through?’ she asked dully, not able to force a smile even though it would be the best form of defence. It hurt too much that it was all over between them.
‘No.’ He picked the pages up, leaving her with an empty folder. ‘These haven’t been sent in yet.’
‘I thought Jasper took them—’
‘I got him to bring them back.’
She stared at him, not getting where he was going with this.
‘You were right, I have been lying,’ he said. ‘To myself. And I lied to you too.’
He tore the forms in half. Then he tore them in half again. Then he tossed them to the ground.
‘What are you doing?’ she shrieked.
‘Why didn’t you tell me we’d kissed before?’
She didn’t answer; she was too busy staring at the shredded pages between their feet.
‘When I asked you to tell me about the day we met, you left that out.’
‘It wasn’t relevant.’ She drew breath and looked back into his eyes. ‘It was only a minor thing.’
‘Was it just a peck on the cheek?’
She froze.
‘Or did I kiss you on the mouth?’
She simply couldn’t answer.
‘Surely you’re not still shy?’ For a split second he actually smiled—that gorgeous teasing, vital smile. Why was he teasing her about this now, when things were so tortured between them?
‘I just don’t think it’s fair that you’re a kiss ahead of me,’ he added in a low voice. ‘I’m going to spend my life trying to catch up.’
Her jaw dropped and she still couldn’t get her head around what he was implying. But suddenly he spoke again, and she scrambled to follow what he was telling her.
‘I got up early and drove all the way to Durham this morning to see you.’ He shoved his hands into his pockets. ‘I would have come last night before that story broke, but I had to pre-record an interview and it took longer than we thought. I didn’t think you’d see it so quickly. I’m sorry because I wanted to get to you before you read it.’
‘Why?’ she asked, but the word didn’t actually sound.
‘When I got to your bedsit at lunchtime, you weren’t home and your car wasn’t there. I called Jasper and he thought you might be on your way to see me.’ He sighed. ‘So then I got back in my car and drove all the way home again. I guess I’ve been slowly catching up to you all day.’
She cleared her throat. ‘Why were you coming to see me?’
Did she really have to ask? Tomas looked at her pallor, her wide eyes that revealed so much, and his heart ached.
He didn’t want me that way.
He’d never forget the sadness that had sounded in her voice when she’d told him about her husband.
About himself.
While he understood the reasons, he hated that she was so insecure and he was so sorry he’d made her feel it all the more. He’d been cruel to her and he knew he didn’t deserve her forgiveness. But he was damn well going to fight for it anyway.
‘I’ve worked out what I hate the most about my amnesia.’
She licked her lips. He was muckin
g this up but he didn’t know how else to say it all.
‘I can’t remember our first kiss,’ he muttered, feeling hollow inside. ‘That hurts me so much. I don’t want to miss any more moments.’
‘But—’
‘I’m sorry I can’t remember the first time we met. How can I not remember our first meeting?’ The bereft feeling almost overwhelmed him. ‘That’s been stolen from me.’
She shook her head. ‘I’m glad you can’t remember.’ Her eyes filled. ‘You didn’t want me then. You wouldn’t have loved me then.’
‘I kissed you, didn’t I?’ And that had only been the start.
