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He inhaled deeply through his nose. “I already told you I love you. How am I supposed to explain how deep it goes?”
“Try.” Lola turned sideways. “If you can’t, you can leave.”
He continued to look at her, finally shaking his head. “I thought I’d find you here after weeks of confusion, and finally all my questions would be answered. I knew we would fight. It’s part of who we are, what we did to each other. We’re both so angry. But I was going to take everything you had to give, and never once did I think that wouldn’t be enough. In my gut, I knew—we’d leave here together.”
“Both those nights, you let me live in a fantasy I thought was reality. Now it’s your turn. Tell me all the details of this life you thought we would have. Where would we have gone from here?”
His hands strained in his pockets. It was ridiculous to see a man in a suit at a place like this, but it was his armor. His tie was still off center. “Don’t make me do this,” he said quietly.
She had done it, over and over, and in her experience—he had to know what he was losing in order to feel the full impact of its void. “Your plan was to come here and drive me off into the sunset? That isn’t life,” she said sharply. “Do it or leave. Go back to L.A.”
“Back to L.A.,” he repeated fast and loud, visibly tensing as though steeling himself. “That’s where I would’ve taken you. Home, to the house—”
“I hated it there.” It’d never felt like she’d belonged amongst the white carpets and polished wood. “That wasn’t my home.”
“Okay. I didn’t know that,” he said cautiously, grimacing. “So, then, I’d ask if you wanted to move to a different neighborhood, or if you’d found somewhere on your trip you liked better than L.A.”
“You can’t leave L.A.”
He looked to the side, his eyebrows heavy, wrestling with something. “I could. It’s not home anymore,” he said distantly. “You are. Were.”
Lola shifted on her feet. Beau was dedicated to that city even more than she was. “What about Bolt Ventures?”
“I would’ve given it up. Or worked remotely. Or started something new. At the end of the day, it’s just a job.” He smiled a little as he said it, like he was sharing an inside joke. But he looked back at her quickly, serious again. “I would’ve come home at five. I don’t want to spend another evening without you. I hate it. I hate coming home to an empty house. Before, I didn’t know the difference, but I do now. It’s excruciating.”
Lola’s blood rushed loudly in her head. As angry as she was, she recognized his breakthrough for what it was. He was giving her the control by living out this dream he’d never get, by making himself vulnerable. While she’d been gone, getting her back had still been a possibility in his mind. But now, he knew no matter what he said, she was going to leave. He didn’t have to say anything. He could walk away.
“I love you,” he said. “So much that I went to see your mom. Once, to see if she knew where you were. Then again—yesterday morning, on my way to work. I stopped and spent an hour there, having coffee, talking to her whenever there was a lull between tables.”
Lola leaned in as if she’d misheard him. She hadn’t known about the second time, since it was after she’d spoken to Dina on the phone. “Did my mom tell you where to find me?”
“No. I didn’t even ask.”
“Then why’d you go?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I missed you so fucking much, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go to Hey Joe. My own home is hell, the stupidest shit reminds me of you. She was the only real connection I had left to you.”
Lola tried to focus, but her mind had latched onto this one little thing—he hadn’t just gone to see her mom. He’d taken an hour out of his workday to do it. And it wasn’t to get anything or manipulate anyone. It was only to feel close to Lola. And she realized they were standing at the Grand Canyon at five-thirty on a Tuesday, when he should’ve been fifty stories above Los Angeles, ruling his empire.
Her heart squeezed. She’d needed that from him even more than she’d realized. And his words reverberated inside her—‘I missed you so fucking much. I missed you so fucking much.’
“Beau—”
“I canceled a meeting to be here,” he continued. “Not just any meeting—it was with VenTech.”
Lola tilted her head, the name vaguely familiar.
“The company that bought my first website and made me a millionaire. It’s struggling to stay afloat. Today, ten years after they destroyed all my hard work for my competitor’s benefit, Bolt Ventures was going to make an embarrassingly low offer to acquire VenTech. Just so I could say I told you so as I sold it off in parts.”
Lola touched her throat. So she wasn’t the only other one Beau thought deserving of his wrath. She had to know, for her own sake, if he could still be that vindictive. “Tell me you aren’t going through with it.”
“I was. This morning would’ve been my first time facing the founder since I’d signed the contract at twenty-seven. But because there was the smallest chance I’d find you here today, I called off the deal last night. It wasn’t worth it. None of this seems worth it anymore.”
He’d been where she had, trying to find her, when he’d needed to be elsewhere. When he could’ve sent someone in his place. She’d been running away, living her life, and she’d also been his priority. And, like she’d planned all along, he’d learned his lesson. Canceling the acquisition was proof.
“Beau—”
“Wait. Before you go. I’m not finished.” He doubled over, put his hands on his knees and took a deep breath as he stared at the ground. “I can’t look at you for this part. I fucked things up, I know. But I had no idea how much I was throwing away. The reason I built all this, why I missed your dinners, was to make sure my family, whenever they came along, would have everything. It scares the fuck out of me to say this, but I thought that family would be with you, and I thought I’d worked hard enough, done enough, to deserve that.” He squatted down, ran his hands over his face and looked up at her. “You’re going to be a great mother, Lola. I’ve seen it.”
She took two steps back, her hand on her stomach. There was only one way he could know about the baby. Dina’s loyalty was to Lola, though—she had no reason to tell him. But he was as certain as she’d ever seen him. “What?”
