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“Yes, please.” I slide my glass closer to him and try to focus on Connor rather than thinking about Daniel. I keep telling myself that I’m not going to give him any more head space, but it seems like I can’t stop. “Thank you, Connor. So, you were telling me about work. How do you enjoy your job?”
“I don’t have any passion for it, I definitely want something more from my life. I’m just trying to work out what at the moment.” He sighs a little sadly. “I feel a little lost, that’s all.”
I deflate even further. He isn’t ambitious at all, not in the same way that I am. I couldn’t imagine competing with him for success because I’m sure that he would just let me have it. It’s a shame but it seems like that’s what I need as well. Even if I hate Daniel it seems that he has taught me a lot about myself.
Shit, stop thinking about him, will you? I scold myself. Focus on Connor.
“Tell me more about your dreams and ambitious,” I continue, trying to keep my head in the game. I am really struggling with it which is annoying. “I know you said that you are lost, but do you have an idea?”
He gives a very non-committal answer and I try to focus my eyes on Connor, I try not to feel judgmental about the fact that he can’t be what I want, but it just turns me off even more. Me and him are never going to get along in the way that I need to proceed, so in a way we are just wasting one another’s time here.
“Sorry, I just need to head to the bathroom,” I gasp out, needing some air. I just need a moment to work out what way I am going to go next. I need to plan this out perfectly. “I will be back in a moment.”
Connor nods in a breezy manner, not seeing the inner turmoil that I am suffering. He’s just trusting me which makes it even harder because as nice as he is all I want to do is run the hell away from him. So, I step quickly. I walk in to the bathroom at the speed of light. The bathroom is filled with a bunch of women all gossiping much too loudly, so I hide myself in one of the cubicles and lock myself away from the rest of the world.
“What the fuck am I doing?” I whisper to myself as I rake my fingers through my hair. “What is happening?”
I dig my hand in to my bag. I don’t know what I’m looking for exactly, but something to help me. Almost as if fate is interjecting in the most awkward way possible, my fingers curl around the God damn business card. Even though I know that I shouldn’t, I pull it out and look it at, tracing my finger over Daniel’s name as if I actually have feelings for him in a positive way. As if I don’t hate his damn guts.
Call him. I don’t know what my brain is playing at, but it’s clearly on a cheeky vibe. Call him and have some fun. After all, this is your time off, you have planned to spend time with a man.
God, that’s the most stupid idea ever. That’s just idiotic, isn’t it? Why would I even consider spending time with someone who I promised not to see again. But then I would like to know why he left his business card with me. I could just act like I found it now and I want to know what he is playing at…
Why am I doing this? It doesn’t seem to matter that it’s a bad idea, I have my cell phone in my hand, and I am dialing his number even if it is the most stupid idea in the world. I am a fool. A complete idiot.
“Hello, Daniel Wilson speaking,” he answers is a brusque, professional tone of voice. It’s almost funny to hear him with his business head on after everything that we have been through together. “How can I help you?”
“It’s Gemma,” I bite back, keeping the fire going. I don’t want him to know how conflicted I am. “Gemma Dove. Apparently, you gave me your business card at some point, and I am just trying to work out why.”
“Ah, you finally found it.” He sounds much too pleased with himself for my liking. “I’m glad. And you decided to use it as well which is very exciting to me. It makes me wonder why… what do you want?”
“I… I want to know what you thought you were doing.” God, there it is, that spark I was searching for. Fighting for power against Daniel even in a conversation excites me in a way that nothing else ever could. “I told you that I didn’t want to see you anymore, yet you think that it’s okay to leave me your number?”
