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“Kayla, there is something that I need to speak to you about… something I want to discuss, before you… you know… go back home.” I gulp nervously. What I should have done is spent time preparing this speech so I wouldn’t sound like a total idiot. “I think we should discuss… well, me and you. Don’t you think?”
She sits up straighter in the bed and all the color drains from her cheeks. “What do you mean?”
Fucking hell. I need to get talking, I need to sort myself out. “Well, you’re leaving, aren’t you? Today. I can’t keep you away from your life any longer. But I don’t want you to go without a talk.” Kayla looks confused. I don’t know if that’s because of the way I worded things or because of the situation. “Well… what I want to talk about completes negates what I just said because I do want to take you from your life for longer.”
“Okay.” She shakes the cob webs out of her head. “Now I really don’t know what you’re saying.”
I need to just get down to it, to say what I feel. “I want you to stay with me, Kayla. I want you to come traveling with me, to try living free like I do. I’m falling for you, Kayla, and I want us to keep on being together, to see where it could go. I think that me and you could have something. Don’t you?”
“I…” Oh God, this doesn’t look good for me. “I can’t. You know what I have to do. I have to continue trying to be a lawyer. I have to keep going on with the plan laid out for me. I can’t… change that…”
“But why not? Why can’t you be free?” I gush immediately. “You were so tense when I first met you, all tied up in knots and you didn’t look happy at all, and the more time that you have spent with me, not worrying about everything, the happier and more care free you have become. Don’t you want that?”
She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, but clearly doesn’t have an answer for me. Clearly, I have stumped her. I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing. I can’t work it out.
“It’s up to you,” I finally feel compelled to remind her. “I don’t want to put any pressure on you. It seems like you’ve had enough decisions made for you in life, I just want you to see that this is an option for you if you want to. And you don’t have to come with me forever, I don’t want you to feel that way either. Just as a trial…”
I twist my hands nervously together as it hits me how huge this is for me as well. This is a much bigger commitment than I ever thought I would be able to make, even if it isn’t necessarily going to be a long term thing. But I know that Kayla is worth it, I know that I want to try with her. I just need to know if she feels the same.
“I… I will have to go home first,” she gasps. “Because my mom will need to see me. I’ll have to tell her that I can’t go to any more interviews. Oh God, I might not have to go to any more interviews.” Her hands knot up in her hair and the covers slide down her body just a little bit. “But I can’t just give up on all of that, can I? I can’t just not be a lawyer after everything I have been through, can I? That would be crazy, wouldn’t it? I mean, my mother has put me in a very privileged situation. Plenty of people would have loved to be in my situation and they weren’t. I shouldn’t just turn it down and drive off in to the sun set, should I?”
“But… it sounds fun, doesn’t it?” Thankfully, Kayla laughs at my little joke. “Look, it doesn’t have to be turning your back on it. It could be taking a break. A month or two. Not even a whole gap year. You could do that, couldn’t you? Everyone deserves to have a time off. A summer of fun…”
Her eyes light up, she loves the idea I can just tell, which floods me with happiness. Perhaps Lance is right, and communication is exactly what I needed to do. I might be about to get it all here. God, he will brag so much if he’s right. He will be unbearable, and I will love it. I’ll act annoyed but it’ll make me laugh.
“Yes,” she finally says with her eyes on mine. “Yes, let’s do it. A summer of fun. That sounds amazing. Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yes, let’s do it. Let’s go traveling together.”
