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“But he doesn’t do anything, Kayla,” her mother replies before I can defend myself. “He doesn’t do anything at all. Why would you want to be like that when you have so much potential? Why, Kayla?”
“Because I want to be happy.” She throws her hands in the air in frustration. “I want something else.”
“You are just like your father, that’s the problem.” Kayla is silenced by these spiteful words spat out by her mother. I can tell that my suspicions were correct, and she doesn’t know much about her father at all, if anything. “He had potential as well which is why I fell for him in the first place. But he squandered it and ran away. He wanted to throw away his success to see the world and that was the end of it.”
“What happened?” Kayla gasps out. “What do you mean that was the end of it?”
“We fought and he left.” She shrugs her shoulders hard as if this isn’t something that shouldn’t bother Kayla. “He went to Europe to ‘find himself’ and I never heard from him again. Brain fucking Essex vanished in to thin air and that was the end of it. He didn’t come back, he didn’t fight, I presume that he’s still out there looking, and it will be the same for you as well. You will never become anything if you go.”
I stiffen and panic, expecting the explosion to go off at any minute. Surely, things have been pushed too far now. But much to my surprise, Kayla grabs her mother in a hug, and she holds her tight. The woman looks like she doesn’t know how to handle to physical contact but there are definite tears in her eyes. This is the moment that my limbs relax, and I find myself able to break away. I slide off from the conversation so they can exchange words in private before me and Kayla chat as well and I hop in to the front seat of my car.
This has been one hell of a day. A roller coaster that I definitely wasn’t expecting, but it seems to be a positive thing. I think that a lot is being released today, a lot of truth is being spoken, and it’s needed. It’s been a long time coming and I really hope that everyone feels better at the end of it. After that… well, I have no idea, but for now the present moment is all that matters. One step at a time…Chapter 18 – KaylaMy mind is blown. I have learned more about myself in the last ten minutes than I’ve ever known before. My mother has been strangely honest with me and I can see her for more of who she really is now, why she’s the way that she is, and it makes me feel much closer to her than I have ever been able to do before.
I brought up my dad a couple of times when I was a kid just because I saw other children with their fathers and I wanted to know why I was different but she always got angry about it so I quickly learned never to mention him before and I think I get why now. He left, he abandoned her, for whatever reason he vanished. I don’t know if he could have fought for me or not since I was too young when he left to even remember him, but he definitely didn’t try hard enough, or my mother would have had to give up some of her control over me…
But that didn’t happen. That didn’t happen and I’m sure it tightened her need to have power over me. Perhaps she didn’t always go the right way about it, but she only did what she thought was best for me which I can appreciate. She needed me to have a good life to make up for the loss of my father. She did her best always.
“You really have to go?” she asks me sadly. I can see that this is crushing her but at the same time it really is what I need to do. I don’t want to hurt her, but she has her life, the one that she wants, and I need mine.
“I do, but I will be back to see you soon and I will be in touch the whole time.”
“What if this doesn’t make you happy?” Mom gushes, sounding agonized. “What if you hate this?”
“Then I will be back.” I offer her a one shouldered reassuring shrug. “I will come right back to you and you can help me pick up the pieces of my life.” I smile and she sort of does as well. “It will be fine.”
“Okay, yes, that’s right.” She nods determinedly. “That’s what a parent is supposed to do. I have to let you go and trust that you’re making the right decision for yourself. When it comes to this man as well.”
