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Bel
Chapter Eleven
Beau
We sit down to eat. The food I had sent over smells delicious as all get-out.
Samuel nearly shit a brick when I told him last minute I needed the kitchen at the restaurant to pull out all the stops. But I was desperate. The least I can do is treat Bel to the best food and scenery we’ve got. Although I know nothing can come close to making up for the hurt I’m about to cause.
Bel ups the ante right away as she picks at her beef tenderloin.
“I liked it,” she says, licking her lips. Those fucking lips. “What we did last night. Beau, I really liked it, and I want to do it again. I admit…okay. I’m just going to spit it out. Clearly I’m into you. I have feelings for you, and I have for a long time. I haven’t acted on them because—just. Well, I’ve…I’ve been attracted to you since the beginning. Since we met, I mean. But I was terrified of screwing things up because I loved you so much as a friend, and you were always there when I needed you most. I also knew you were headed to the pros, and I was staying on campus, so…and then we moved to different places and had different lives. We were so different. I mean, we were the same in many respects, but in terms of—gah. I’ll stop there. But I needed to tell you. I need you to know how I feel.”
I just stare at her, gut twisting.
Ain’t that some shit? The girl I’ve wanted for nearly two decades wants me, too, just when I can’t have her.
My heart bangs against my breastbone.
She’s had feelings for me. Same as I’ve had feelings for her.
My God. My God, all the time we’ve wasted. What the fuck was wrong with me for all those years? Why didn’t I say something? Why didn’t I do something?
What a smug, assuming asshole I was. Thinking I had all the time in the world to make her mine.
“Bel,” I manage. In her eyes, I see what I’m thinking: that I don’t want this to crater the awesome relationship we already have.
I also see a burning need to tell the truth.
“You’re shocked I’m telling you,” she says, reading my thoughts. “But you’re not shocked by what I’m telling you.”
I grind my teeth and feel a muscle in my jaw jump. “You’re right. I’ve had my suspicions about the way you’ve felt. I’ve had my hopes. But I never wanted to press my luck.”
Her eyes flicker with the realization, going wide. “You—”
“Have been obsessed with you since the night we met at that party?” I scoff. “Bel, wasn’t it obvious?”
“No,” she blurts. “But now that I’m thinking about it, yes. A little bit. But you never—”
“You never.”
“Well, yeah. Because I was scared. You were so great to me, Beau.”
“You always had a boyfriend.”
“You weren’t a monk.” She blinks, putting a hand on her face. “Why? Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
I lift a shoulder. “Because I wanted to give you the world, Bel. You had these big dreams, and I wanted to make them come true. But I couldn’t do that as a punk college kid who didn’t have two nickels to rub together. I guess I’d always planned to make my way in the world and then come back to get you when I could give you the life you wanted. Just as I was getting there, though—”
“I got married.” Bel swallows.
“Yep. You were starting a whole new life with someone else. I wasn’t gonna mess with that. So I threw myself into developing the resort.”
“But my divorce.” She furrows her brow. “Why didn’t you say something after that?”
“You weren’t ready, Bel. I could tell you were heartbroken, and I gave you the space I thought you needed. Selfishly, I didn’t want to be a rebound. It wasn’t worth the risk to me. I also wanted to finish everything up here on the mountain. Build that rambling house you’d always talked about so I could finally settle down. And you’d just been promoted to Managing Director, remember? You were thriving in your career, crushing those ambitions. I didn’t want to take you away from that. Didn’t want to hold you back by turning your head or whatever.” I meet her eyes. “I thought I had time, Bel.”
“We still do.”
I shake my head. “Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?”
She grabs her water and gulps it down, then offers me a tight, sad smile. “It seems stupid now, but I didn’t want to be another hookup to you. I wanted more, Beau. I wanted to be, like, the one, you know? We were so young, though. And so ambitious, with wildly different dreams for our futures. Like you said, I didn’t want to hold you back from what I knew would be an amazing pro career.”
