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This was who Jeremy Wyatt was. It was important that I not forget that, no matter how sweet and vulnerable he seemed at times. No matter how many weekend getaways he took me on or how he made my insides melt.
“Look, Lena, I’m not sure what’s up with you, or if it’s only because you’re feeling sick, but get off my back. I thought we were on the same page after our weekend. I thought things were good. That we were moving forward—”
“Yet here you are, off to spend the night on the town like a bachelor—”
“What the hell is this? Are you seriously giving me shit for going out? Why wouldn’t I? It’s my prerogative. It’s not as if you’re giving me a reason not to.” He narrowed his eyes. “I saw your face today when Sheila came by. Are you pissed at me about that? Because I don’t know how many more times I can tell you there’s nothing going on. I’m starting to sound like a broken record.”
“No, that’s not it,” I argued, rubbing my temples. If only that were the only thing bothering me.
“Then what is it? I can’t bail this evening and honestly, I don’t want to. There’s nothing wrong with going out and having a good time. I’m not tied down with kids and responsibility, so why wouldn’t I enjoy myself? I think maybe you’ve forgotten what that’s like,” he remarked, his voice a little chilly. He had no idea how his flippant remarks stabbed right through my chest.
I’m not tied down with kids and responsibility…
Those were the words of a man not ready to be a father.
“Sick of spending all your free time with me already? Didn’t take you long,” I sneered, my heart dropping to my feet.
Jeremy let out a bark of humorless laughter. “Jesus, Marlena. This kind of ball-breaking makes a guy want to stay single.”
It felt as if he slapped me. “Well, if that’s what you want...” I started to close the door, feeling miserable, angry and wanting to cry again.
He pressed his hand into the door, stopping me from closing it. “Is this how you want to leave things? Because I think I’ve shown you how I feel. If that’s not enough, then I don’t know what else to do.”
I stared at him. Seeing him. All of him.
I loved this man. I truly did. We had made a baby together, even if he didn’t know that. But there were limits to what he could offer. I saw that as clearly as I had ever seen anything.
I wanted to tell him there was so much more he could do, but how could I explain when I couldn’t find the words I needed to say. I was a lawyer without an argument.
“Just go, Jeremy. I can’t do this.” I started to close the door again, but he prevented me.
“Marlena, I can’t keep fighting a war if I don’t know what it’s about or how I can win it.” His eyes implored—beseeched.
I thought about the little girl or boy nestled in my belly. They deserved better than this. They deserved more than two parents constantly at odds. Not trusting each other.
In a moment of startling clarity, one decision was made.
And another hung in the balance.
“I need space,” I finally said softly.
“Space,” Jeremy repeated. I nodded. He drew himself upright, handed me the wine, and without another word, he walked away.
Breaking my heart in the process.
Chapter 17
Jeremy
The next few weeks went by in a blur. The only thing I was acutely aware of was that Lena wasn’t speaking to me. In fact, she seemed to go out of her way to not interact with me at all.
She wouldn’t meet my eyes in the kitchen. She kept her head down if we happened to pass each other in the hallway. She made excuses to leave the room once I entered.
I noticed that she left work early twice. I saw her and Whitney talking quietly together as she put her coat on. She still looked too tired. I wondered if she was sleeping enough. I worried about her, though she had made it quite clear she didn’t want or need my concern.
I tried talking to her a few times after that night at her apartment when she said she needed ‘space.’ What does ‘space’ even mean? It’s a bullshit term meant to let someone down easily. If she didn’t want to see me anymore, she should just say that instead of stringing me along. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. I had a moment of deep-felt shame at how I had treated women in the past.
Being put out to pasture by the woman you had come to love felt horrible. Because I did love her. God, did I love her. It wasn’t only her incredible good looks and our intense chemistry in the sack. It was all the other little things that made up the person she was. Her mind turned me on as much as her body. Her take no prisoners approach to her job. The way she cuddled up against my side when we watched TV. How she blew on all of her food before taking the first bite, whether it was hot or not.
