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I went on about how Adam suggested we hire Marlena as an associate and I had agreed, even after all the previous bullshit, because now I recognized that I had needed to be around her. That I desired her in a way that went beyond the physical. Even then, I knew she’d change my life.
I told Greta how after trying to pretend we didn’t want each other, we gave in. Denying there were any feelings involved, that it was only sex. But we couldn’t get enough of each other. Then how she started pulling away from me. How much it hurt. How much I wanted to be with her.
How much I loved her.
“She’s pregnant, Greta. With my baby,” I concluded when I was at the end of the long, complicated saga. “That’s why she had been keeping her distance. She’s carrying my child. I’m going to be a dad.”
“Wow,” was all she said, taking in everything I had unloaded.
“Wow is right,” I agreed, sagging back against the couch.
“So, she’s decided to keep it then?” Greta asked, after taking everything in. She was being surprisingly cool about it all. She hadn’t interrupted. She let me ramble on about the love of my life and how I had screwed everything up.
Her question brought me up short.
“I don’t know actually. I have no idea.” Fuck, I was going to lose it again. I wasn’t acting even remotely like how Greta was used to seeing me. I was the fun, life of the party guy always up for a drink and a fuck. I never took things too seriously—except for my job. Up until Lena, my job was the most important thing in my life.
Up until Lena...
Greta put her hands on my shoulders, squeezing me. “I’ve never seen you like this. I mean ever. Are you sure you haven’t been kidnapped by aliens?” She gave me a small smile. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that you love this woman. It makes me sort of hate her.”
I chuckled, but the laughter died off into nothing. “I do love her. But does that even matter? She clearly doesn’t want to be with me.”
“What did you say when she told you she was pregnant?” Greta asked.
I didn’t answer. I was ashamed of how I had reacted. I didn’t want to explain to Greta—or anyone—how much of an ass I had been.
“I’ll take by your silence that you didn’t react well,” Greta said.
“I probably could have been less of a dick, yeah,” I admitted gruffly.
“Look, she’s going through a lot. More than you can even understand. She tells you that she’s carrying your kid. You freak out or give a classic guy response and she pushes you away. Of course, she did, Jeremy. She’s protecting herself. She’s vulnerable and scared and probably freaking out herself. Stop wallowing and stand up and be the man I know you are,” Greta scolded.
It was more than a little strange taking serious advice from a woman not wearing any underwear and whose boobs were falling out of her top, but she was right. She took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Tell me what you want, Jer.”
“I want Marlena,” I said without hesitation. It was the easiest answer I could give. “But I also want more than that.” I took a steadying breath and closed my eyes. “When I think about my future, I see her in it. I see our child. I see our family.” When I opened my eyes, it was to find Greta staring at me with tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Greta, I don’t mean to be callous—”
“Shut up,” she shushed me. “I only hope I find someone one day who feels the same about me.” She wiped at her eyes. “Okay. I’m getting out of here now so you can ride on over to this woman’s house and start the rest of your life together.”
Greta got to her feet and I followed her to the front door. “What if she doesn’t want me? What if she tells me to get lost?”
I didn’t know what I’d do if she turned me away. But I did know I’d never walk away from her. Or our kid. That I’d be there in a way my dad never was. I made that silent promise to myself.
Greta cupped my cheek. “She won’t. Not if she has any sense.” She kissed my cheek. “Good luck, Jer. I hope it all works out.”
After Greta left, I knew what I had to do. I had to go to Lena. But not in two-day-old sweatpants. I shaved and showered, then changed into clean clothes. I started to rehearse what I was going to say. I went over it and over it in my mind, imagining all the ways it could go.
I was amping myself up to leave and go make this right when my phone rang. Thinking it was Marlena, I picked it up. But it wasn’t.
