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The thought of her sharing a bed with one of them fills me with a strange, possessive frustration. I want to grab her and growl at the thought of them touching her. I want to shake Adiron if he ever thinks of even getting close to Sophie. I want her to be MINE. I want her to be mine with a ferocious intensity that makes my entire body tremble with the force of it.
And all the while, she touches my chest and gazes at it instead of looking up at me.
"I really do wish you would say something," she whispers.
I try to think of something to say. Something that will tell her all the things I have been starting to feel. Something that will show her what she means to me. How quickly she has wormed her way into my heart. I clear my throat and say, "I do not want you to be afraid."
She looks up at me, her eyes so deep and rich with color. "I'm not afraid when I'm with you."
Pride—and lust—blooms in my chest. I want to grab her and press her against the wall and just drive between her thighs, pumping furiously. I want—
"Well, actually, no that's not true," Sophie continues.
My heart stutters. "It…it's not?"
She bites her lip again and traces a little pattern on my chest that makes my cock twitch in response. "I want to kiss you but I'm also afraid of kissing you."
"Why?" I manage hoarsely. I'm having trouble thinking past the gentle touches on my chest, the hunger roaring through me. I wish she'd drop her hand lower, explore my shaft, caress my sac, just keffing touch me all over.
"Because I'm afraid of everything," Sophie confesses with a timid little smile. "I'm afraid of what it'll mean if I get addicted to kissing you. I like sleeping in your bed and I like eating with you and talking to you. I like scrapping with you. And I guess all of that scares me, because…if I like it too much, I'm going to lose everything all over again when the va Sithai brothers come back to pick me up."
I don't want to think about them returning. I want to keep her here with me…always. But I know it's not my decision, it's hers, and she doesn't want to stay on an abandoned asteroid in fringe-space with only me as company. There's no way. My heart aches a little at the thought, but I'm not surprised. I study her, and the way she's watching me with that crease in her brows that says that she's worried. The hand that rests on my chest twitches, uneasy, and with every second that passes, Sophie looks more and more ready to bolt.
It's taken her a lot to confess this, I realize, and I need to say something to reassure her. "Do you want to stop? Kissing?"
She thinks for a moment and then shakes her head. "I liked it. It's been so long since I liked…any kind of touch. But…"
The word hangs in the air. But she's still scared. I know what that's like. She's afraid to hope for anything in case it all gets yanked away from her once more. Sometimes I think I understand Sophie so well because trauma's turned us into the same person. We just show our wounds differently. "Maybe we take it as slow as you want?" I suggest. "If you want to kiss me, you can. If you want to skip it, I'll understand. And if you want to sleep in your bed instead of mine, you don't have to explain anything. I won't press you about it. You can take the lead as much as you want."
The urge to reach out and brush my fingers against her skin is overwhelming, but I don't want to pressure her in even the slightest of ways. Sophie needs to feel secure, so I'm going to let her set the pace for the next while. If it means it takes days—or weeks—before she kisses me again, then so be it. I want her to kiss me because she wants to, not because she feels like she must.
"You won't mind going slow?" Sophie asks.
Mind? The hope of kisses versus no kisses at all? It is an easy choice. "No, I don't mind."
She smiles shyly at me, her fingers tracing along one of my scars and making me dizzy at her touch. "I didn't even ask if you liked me, too."
"I do," I rasp, struggling for control. Kef me, what I wouldn't give to just turn her around and spread her thighs and…no. I close my eyes. "I am also not very good at this sort of thing."
Sophie chuckles. "Then we're a pair, aren't we?"
"We are indeed."
She pats my chest and then drops her hand. "I made you dinner. You'll come out and eat it?" When I nod, she beams at me and steps out of the shower, putting her clothes on again. I am disappointed…and not. She is not ready for more, and that is all right.
