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"That's for your Mistress to decide, not you." She stroked a finger along the furry back of the tiny creature he held. The kitten yawned and curled into a tighter ball, making her smile.
"She doesn't know I'm a monster," he said.
"You're not one," Regina said, sharply enough to draw his eyes toward her face. Her heart was breaking for him, but she wouldn't let him get away with that. She captured his chin, a gesture intended to pull him back toward the here and now. "You are not him, Marius."
"No. I'm not." His gaze filled with misery. "He wanted to be the center of everything, noticed. I don't want who I really am to be noticed...I want that part of me to disappear, but it won't. It keeps...when I'm with a Mistress, I can feel it trying to get free, but it doesn't deserve to be free. But I can't stop myself from reaching for it, so I trash everything."
"Stop this," she said softly. "You're talking nonsense."
She adjusted to sit next to him. As he quivered and a couple tears splashed down on his forearms, she turned to put her arms around him. He stiffened.
"I can't." He tried to push away from her, but he wouldn't disturb the kitten, and she wouldn't be denied.
"I'm here, and you can. Come down here. Let me hold you."
She brought him down like a slow falling tree, easing his head into her lap. Regina rubbed his back, his arm, and curved her body over him. "It's okay," she whispered. "You're okay." I've got you.
He'd kept his palms a joined cup for the kitten, and the creature wasn't giving up her spot, no matter his movements. When his knuckles hit the floor, his palms up, the animal merely adjusted to start bathing.
His eyes latched upon the motion, and then he pressed his face into Regina's thigh. His powerful body vibrated like an electric current had passed through it, his eyes shutting tight.
Just like that, the flood came.
The shuddering through his shoulders became a jerking motion, and she tightened her grip on him. A sob ripped from his throat, more an animal sound than a man's. The storm of tears racked his body, and had her murmuring to him, rocking him. Tears tracked silently down her own face as she absorbed his pain and confusion, taking it within her. She would surround his heart, keep it together, so the broken edges wouldn't rip him to pieces from the inside.
She heard Dale come in and stop in front of their enclosure. She didn't look up, her energy dedicated to Marius, helping him get it out. The fierce, hard sobs were those that the child had carried all these years, until they were finally released by the man. Which was good, because she was pretty sure their force would have torn a child apart.
Seeing Dale, the kitten rose, stretched and only now left Marius, running across the enclosure to him with her several other littermates. Dale quietly closed the wire door, leaving the space to Regina and Marius. His hands now free, Marius curled them under her thigh and calf.
"Ssh," she whispered. "It's all right. You're safe. You can be helpless with me and not be afraid. It's all right."
At times, she thought he might make himself sick, choking on all his rage and tears, but finally things slowed down and he was quivering in her arms, face still pressed into her leg. Because she'd gone through that storm of emotion with him, she felt shaky, too. Glancing up, she saw the brown tomcat was on top of their enclosure now, studying her and Marius as if they were in a zoo.
"Look," she said softly. "He must think we're a strange new set of cats Dale's brought in."
Marius adjusted his head and glanced blearily up at the male. "I think he likes you," he said in a thick voice. "You're the one he's looking at."
"Well, I am irresistible to difficult and standoffish males," she said.
The black kitten was back at the door of the enclosure, pawing at it, and meowing plaintively. A glance showed Dale had left them to their privacy. Regina was surprised when Marius pushed himself up stiffly and leaned across the distance without getting up. He opened the enclosure, then stretched back out on his side in the same position with Regina, head in her lap. It touched her, though he looked so tired. She kept rubbing her palm in slow, soothing circles along his back. The kitten mountain-climbed Marius's knee, sidling up to his hip, settling there and looking pleased with herself.
"A female after my own heart," Regina observed. "She wants to be on top."
"Sure she's female?"
"Absolutely."
"I thought I was getting a dog," Marius said after a time.
"Looks to me like a cat chose you instead."
His throat worked as he swallowed. "She deserves better than me."
"That may be true, but since she's chosen you, sounds like you have one more good reason to get your shit together."
His gaze lifted to Regina's face and held there. "Yeah, maybe," he said.
"Yeah, definitely." She curled over him more tightly, putting his head and face in the cocoon of her body. "You're a far better man than you've let yourself be, Duncan Marius Walczek. I've every confidence you won't let me or her down."
