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I opened my mouth, shut it again, and glared at him. “Addiction is different.”
“Is it?” he asked. “It sounds like you’re willing to forgive an addict for making bad choices, but you’re unwilling to think for a second about how a guy like me might end up in the mafia.”
“If you want me to forgive you, that’ll never happen. You’re my captor, remember?”
“I’m not your captor,” he said. “You want to leave, go ahead. You saw what happened the last time you left here. I had to come and clean up your mess.”
I sat there, staring at him, mouth hanging open. I remembered Luca coming out of the shadows, shooting that man in the head. I remembered him taking me away, making sure I was safe, making sure I was okay.
He saved me once. And I was still angry at him.
“What am I doing here?” I asked him, and was surprised when I heard the emotion in my voice, the tears that threatened to spill.
His posture relaxed a little and he shook his head. “I really don’t know,” he said. “I really don’t know what the Don has planned for you.”
“Do the Jalisco, do they really want to hurt me?”
“They do,” he said. “That’s not fake. You heard Hog earlier. The Jalisco, they’re the most violent Mexican cartel there is, and that’s saying a lot. We’ve been trying to stamp them out, get them out of this city, but they’re like roaches. They just won’t give up.”
“If I left, do you think they’d try and hurt me again?”
He nodded once. “Of course,” he said.
“So I’m really trapped then.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re really trapped. And it seems like you’re stuck with me.”
I reached out for my wine with a shaking hand, but it was empty. He leaned forward, grabbed the bottle, and poured me a small glass. I took a sip and stared down at my cleared plate.
“I don’t know how I ended up here,” I said.
“Chance,” he said. “You’re lucky, though. The Don didn’t have to bring you in. He could’ve fed you to the wolves.”
“If you think I’m going to feel grateful to that asshole, you’re kidding yourself.”
He sighed and sipped his drink. “I don’t need you to be grateful,” he said. “But maybe not so angry.”
“Can’t promise that, either.” I stared at the table for a moment as darkness truly descended around us. “You talked about losing your parents, never having an adult care about you. But imagine if you did have one, but then that adult was taken from you by a specific person.”
“You think Don Leone’s to blame for your father’s death?”
“Maybe not directly,” I said. “But my mom always seemed to think he was to blame somehow.”
Luca rubbed the stubble on his chin and cocked his head. “What are you gonna do if that’s true?” he asked. “If the Don really did whack your dad for some reason?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“You need us right now. And that means you need the Don.”
“I know,” I said. “You don’t have to keep saying it.”
“I feel like I do, though. You haven’t seemed to figure it out.”
I pushed back from the table, suddenly too angry to stay still. I stood up and paced away toward the weed patch at the back fence. I could feel his eyes on me and I wanted to scream at him.
“You don’t get it,” I said, turning around. “My whole life, I was taught that you people are the enemy. And now you want me to rely on you.”
“I’m not the enemy,” he said. “You don’t even know me.”
I waved my hand at that. “You and everyone like you,” I said.
“You’re so obsessed with this idea that we’re all monsters.” He stood up, slowly pushed his chair back. I blinked up at him, at his muscular arms and gorgeous eyes. He came around the table and walked toward me. “Sometimes monsters are necessary.”
“I don’t want any of this,” I said, my voice a hoarse whisper.
“I know that,” he said. “You keep telling me. But that doesn’t change anything. So what are you gonna do, Clair? Are you going to keep being angry, or accept that you’re here, with me?”
I stared at him, unable to help myself. He stopped just inches away from me, staring down with those gorgeous eyes that made me want to fall directly inside of them. His full lips were tempting, his messy brown hair was thick, and I felt so stupid and messed up.
Every time he came near, I forgot that I was supposed to hate him, at least a little bit.
“Tell me I’m just a monster,” he said, his voice soft and low. “Tell me that’s all I am and all I’ll ever be. I’ll go back inside and let you sit out here alone. I won’t bother you until this shit’s all finished.”
