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I hit send. The message went through. I was about to turn it off again when my phone began to ring.
Tracy was calling.
I knew I should ignore it, but a wave of emotion grabbed hold and I couldn’t help myself. I hit answer and held the phone to my ear.
“Colleen?” She sounded panicked, afraid. “Colleen, is that you?”
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Oh my god,” she said and the relief was so plain that it hurt. It felt good to know that at least one person really cared. “Where have you been? There was a shooting in your neighborhood, then you disappeared, and I didn’t know if you were dead or alive, and your dad’s missing now too, and I was so scared.”
“I’m okay,” I said. “Seriously, I’m fine.”
“Where are you? I can come to you right now if you need me.”
“Honestly, I’m okay,” I said. “I know it’s weird. I’m with a friend right now, and he… he really needs my help, okay?”
“You’re with a friend?” She sounded skeptical. “What friend?”
“You don’t know him. Just some guy from before.”
“You know this is insane, right? Just tell me where you are, Colleen. I’m really worried.”
“I can’t,” I said. “He’d be really pissed. Just trust me, okay?”
“Is your dad with you? I tried to go over to his place, but nobody answered. I tried a few times, and I just keep getting nothing.”
“My dad is…” I tried off and choked back my anger and tears. “He’s okay too,” I managed. “He’s with my uncle.”
Tracy was quiet. I’d told her about my uncle a few times, never in much detail, but she knew what he did for a living. She knew my uncle was a dangerous man.
“If you’re in danger, say the word potato,” she said.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Honestly. Look, I have to go. I’ll try and text you again tomorrow, okay?”
She was quiet for a second. “Okay,” she said. “Please just keep me updated, I guess. And please come home soon.”
“I will.”
I hung up the phone before I could lose it completely. I turned the phone off and put it away, closing the medicine cabinet.
I stood there in Steven’s bathroom taking deep breaths to steady myself.
Hearing Tracy’s voice again had sent a spike through my chest. The desire to run away hit me all over again, and I knew Tracy would take me in if I asked her to. She’d do it in a heartbeat, regardless of the danger. Or at the very least she’d give me some money, or let me borrow some clothes, or use her car, or do anything for me.
I had a friend out there, and she was terrified for me. I could hear it in her voice.
But no, I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t go anywhere. Even if I left, I’d never be able to stop running and I’d never be able to live with myself. I can’t leave my father behind, leave him in my uncle’s clutches. My father will die, and I’ll forever be the daughter that abandoned him.
No, as much as I hate myself and hate Steven for putting me in this position, I still can’t go anywhere.
I turn and leave the bathroom. I linger in his room for a moment, staring at the bed, before slipping back into the hallway. I walk downstairs, sit down on the couch, and stare at the TV.
I wasn’t going anywhere. It was time to accept it. I couldn’t keep resenting and hating Steven, not if I was going to work with him to free my father.
No, I wouldn’t forget what he did to me. But I’d start moving toward the future instead of lingering in this purgatory.13StevenThe car idled at the end of the block as Colleen put her feet up on the dash. I thought about telling her to cut that shit out, but I knew that was just nerves talking.
We were parked down the block from one of the addresses she’d scribbled on a notepad. I didn’t know what we were going to find in that house, but Colleen insisted that she’d seen multiple Club guys go in and out of that house over the years, always leaving in little groups, always carrying black trash bags.
It had to be a stash house. They were probably too stupid to move the stash around, too arrogant to think it mattered. Colleen looked at her fingernails as the light from the single functioning streetlight made its way in through the windshield, and she frowned as she picked at a cuticle.
“When are we going in?” she asked.
“We aren’t going anywhere,” I said. “You’re staying here. I’m going in with Luca and the boys soon.” I checked my watch and saw it was just after midnight.
“I think I should come,” she said. “What if you need me? I know the Club better than you do.”
