Harrison
“Has he ever been this bad before?” Harrison asked Robert.
Robert turned the TV volume down and shifted in his chair enough to make eye contact. His weathered face was etched with worry for his son, his heavy brows furrowed deeply. “I’ve never seen Jett miss a meal, let alone a hockey game.”
Harrison nodded, and that confirmed his limited knowledge of his boyfriend’s coping habits. It hurt him that hedidn’tknow how Jett reacted under different amounts of stress, but he was choosing to be lenient with himself.
As much as he loved Jett and knew that he was the only person he would ever be with, their relationship was still new. These were normal things that every couple went through, they just happened to be diving into the deep shit faster than they could learn how to swim.
“He’s always been a people pleaser,” said Robert, chuffing. “He’s never put himself first, and he’s always been a doormat. That boy could see the good in a goddamn serial killer.”
Yeah, Harrison had that sense too. When they had first met, Jett’s persistence in forcing his way into Harrison’s bubble had been borderline obnoxious. He thought his sunny optimism was exhausting, but now he knew that Jett was so much more than a smile and overbearing positivity.
Jett was kind, sweet and good. The golden boy thing wasn’t an act; it was one hundred percent real.
Sure, Jett got annoyed and cranky, and he could be a total brat. But fundamentally, he was just a weirdly nice person who looked out for his friends and family.
Robert’s next intake of breath sounded strained, and Harrison waited quietly for whatever painful admission was about to unfold.
“My son, Chase. He became a monster.”
Robert smiled, but his lips trembled and quivered until he could no longer hold the weight of it, and he frowned. “He wasn’t always a monster,mind you. He was a sweet boy like Jett when he was little. Quiet and shy compared to Jetty, but still a good kid. I knew and loved him since the day he was born, but even I understand how unforgivable his actions were. Chase stopped being my son the moment he decided to kill other children.”
Harrison didn’t think he could ever understand the pain Robert was in, and he prayed he never would. Not only losing a child, but losing them in that way? It was an unfathomable concept.
“When I think of Chase now, all I feel is anger and disgust. You boys don’t have kids yet, but when you do, you’ll understand. I don’t think I can describe the crushing way I hurt when I see his face. No father should have to feel this way—feel disgust toward their own child. It’s not right, but neither was what Chase did, and that must equal it out somehow, I guess.”
Robert took a drink of his beer and cleared his throat, his eyes blinking away tears. “I got the police report after it happened because I needed answers. I needed to know what could have happened to that small, quiet boy that was bad enough to turn him into what he became. I got the answers. I read the excuses. It still didn’t change a damn thing.”
“Excuses?” Harrison cringed the second the word left his mouth, but Robert waved him off.
“I’m in therapy, son. I don’t mind telling you, as long as you keep these details from Jett until he’s ready to hear them. He needs to talk to someone before he can hear the whole version.”
Harrison nodded. “I won’t say a thing.”
“Alright.” Robert leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. “Shelly, Chase and Jett’s mother took a trip down south one year when Jett and Chase were eleven and twelve. When she came back, she had a new man and new life planned out—and a new baby on the way. She went back with him to South Carolina, and the boys stayed with me. That was fine until she convinced Chase to visit her, and then she never let him come home. She essentially kidnapped our son and held him there, and then she used him as bait to try to convince Jett to join them. My lawyer told me not to let him leave, and Jett was preoccupied with friends and hockey, so thank God he stayed.
“The boys spoke now and then, but Jetty was busy, and I was working three jobs to keep him in hockey because he was going places, so I think Chase felt very alone. Once Shelly had her new daughter and her newmarriage, Chase would have been pushed aside. The boy wasn’t like Jett; he wasn’t into sports, and he wasn’t a prodigy. What I gathered from the reports and investigation was that Chase was emotionally abandoned and left to fend for himself. And then things got bad in school…”
Harrison had a feeling he already knew where this was going, but he prepared himself.
“There was plenty of evidence and witness statements to suggest that Chase was getting bullied badly at school. Not the pushing kind of bullying, although there was some of that too, but the kind that will mess you up in a way that you can’t recover from. Those boystorturedmy son. He had scars from cigarette burns on his arms and legs, and others that came from a knife or something. And—”
Robert stopped and took a second to compose himself before speaking again.
“There was enough evidence to support the theory that he was sexually assaulted.”
Harrison closed his eyes too. Nausea roiled inside him, but he clenched his jaw and ignored it.
“Thirteen years old. He was just a baby.” Robert coughed to hide whatever sound he was trying not to let out. “There’s a reason why he stole his stepfather’s gun and brought it to school that day. The rational part of me understands why he did it, but the human part of me—I don’t know if it can ever accept it. Knowing what he went through and how it played out is something that will haunt me to my grave, and even then, I’m sure I’ll carry that grief into the next life.
“Thirteen years old and he had no funeral, and the only thing anyone remembers about him was that he was a monster who gunned down a bunch of kids. They don’t remember the sounds he made when he was a baby sleeping on my chest. They don’t remember the way he laughed when his mother tickled him and pinched his cheeks. They don’t remember the look of wonder on his face when he watched his brother skating on the ice, or the way he followed Jett around and cried when he was left behind. He’s just a shooter in a long list of them, buried away and forgotten by the people who didn’t know him, and regretfully remembered by those who did.”
Tears stung Harrison’s eyes. He couldn’t help but think of Taylor and how everyone had turned against him after the accident, even his parents.
“There was no closure for Jett, and he doesn’t know all the details, like I said, but that’s why we feel differently about Chase. I’m a little more jaded in my old age, but Jett isn’t like me. Hell—he isn’t like his mother either. I don’t know where that boy came from, but something in our subpar genetics shifted enough to make the perfect mix. That’s why he’s so torn up about Chase, because he’s incapable of seeing the bad in him, and he can’t understand why his brother did the things he did. I want him to have that closure, but he can’t work this shit out until he sees a therapist, otherwise stuff like this will keep happening.”
Harrison opened his eyes and glanced at Robert, finding the man red-cheeked but smiling. “I can try to talk him into it, but I don’t think I’m a good role model for therapy.”
