Page 61 of Hockey Player Seeking Fan

I feel so conflicted and confused. And yet, it’s okay, because I don’t have to make any hard decisions. I don’t have to be someone I’m not; she’s not asking anything of me. And maybeI’m doing myself a disservice by not just going with the flow, because that’s how I’ve lived my entire life.

But maybe she deserves better than that. Maybe Erica deserves someone who’s going to be as all-in as she is. Because if I’m not... am I really helping her? Or am I hurting her?

I dismiss the thoughts immediately. I don’t want to be in that place. I don’t want to let her go just yet. I know I’m being selfish, but I just can’t seem to walk away.

Chapter Seventeen

Erica

"It’s really cool here," I say, looking around at the price signs and numbers along the bridge. Even though I know it is a popular activity to walk the Brooklyn Bridge, I didn’t quite expect to see so many people. Tyler walks alongside me, his hands in his pockets. There is a glint in his dark brown eyes, and it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like he really sees me, but I don’t want to read too much into it. I’m just enjoying being here.

After my conversation with Suki, I realized that I don’t want to be someone who grows old and gray and has regrets. I want to be someone who lives in the moment.

"I can’t believe that you got a watercolor set," Tyler says, shaking his head as we stop. "That was really thoughtful of you."

"Not really. It was only like twenty dollars," I say. "I was in an art store and thought it would be fun. You can show me how to paint a dog or a cat or something."

"I can show you how to paint quite a few things. But it was thoughtful. It really was. I was having a little bit of a weird day, and this kind of brightened my mood."

"No way. Is Tyler Kane being all mushy with me?"

"No, I wouldn’t say I’m being mushy. I’m grateful to know that you see me."

"I see you, and you see me," I say, not really sure why I’m joking but feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Do you want to talk about your day?" I ask him, because I don’t know what else to say. I don’t want to go into anything too deep and dark, but I do want to let him know that I’m here for him if he needs someone.

"It was just weird. My sister’s getting married to this wealthy son of a very wealthy man in Iowa, yet his family doesn’t want to contribute anything to the wedding, to the honeymoon, or to the house they’re going to live in. And my sister called me, begging me to take care of everything. And of course, because I love her and want the best for her, I said yes. But sometimes, I just feel a little used. I’m lucky enough to have it—honestly, it won’t even be a drop in the bucket of money that I have. But sometimes it’s not about the money; it’s about how someone makes you feel."

"I know," I say, nodding. "It’s really important for people to understand that whatever you do, no matter how big or small it may be, means something."

I stare at him for a couple of seconds. "Do you feel like your sister’s using you?"

He nods slowly. "Which is crazy, because she’s my sister, and I love her. Everything I’ve done is for my family, but sometimes I just feel like—do they even care? Or is it just expected?"

"Yeah," I say, letting out a deep sigh. "I really hope that my parents and my brothers don’t feel that way. But now I wonder if they do. I wonder if I’m like your sister, just wanting, wanting, wanting."

"Hey, there’s nothing wrong with wanting. And you don’t strike me as someone who only thinks about herself and makes poor decisions."

"I make plenty of poor decisions," I say with a grin. "I mean, I’m here with you right now. Right?"

"And what’s wrong with that?" he says, taking a step closer to me.

I swallow hard. I should not be here. I know I shouldn’t be here because this is more about us and where this could go than just a casual date, walking across the bridge.

“I just feel like maybe I?—

"What?" he says, taking another step closer.

He just grabs my hand and stares into my eyes. "You’re so beautiful."

"I want to thank you for that," I say.Just kiss me, I think.

He slides his hand down the side of my arm, making me shiver.

"Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Would I do anything like that?" he says, his lips moving slightly closer to mine.