Page 23 of Beautiful Scars

What if there’s no door? What if I’ll be trapped down here forever?

—there’s always a door, so shut up and listen. You will find the door, and you will leave. It’s that simple.

Because this time, youcanleave.

I clap my hands over my face and burrow my head between my knees.

“He’s not here, Meisie.”

This time the voice isn’t mine, but that of my overpaid psychiatrist whose brilliant idea it was to try regressive hypnosis.

I’m sure she did it just for kicks, the sick bitch.

It’s like she’s sitting a yard away, her long nails tapping on the screen of her iPad because she’s too progressive to write shit down in a notepad like normal people.

“Let’s go back, Meisie. Take me back to the first moment you saw him. The night you met Alex Du Toit.”

It’s a hot and dry Friday night, and I’m dressed like I’m looking for dick. Which I am. I’m sick of being the only virgin in my clique. But that’s all about to change.

I spot Alex across the crowded bar like I’m the lead role in one of those cheesy rom-coms. He turns and our eyes lock. His smile sends a tremor through me, and then he’s weaving through the crowds, heading straight for me.

“What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell?”

Alex grabs my hand and leads me off the dance floor. His dirty-blond hair catches stray beams of rainbow light thrown from the bar’s spinning mirror ball. Weed smoke hangs in a haze over the bar and no wonder—it’s reggae night tonight.

“Where does he take you?”

The alleyway outside reeks of cat piss and stale beer, which is hilarious because the club’s name is Cat’s Pajamas. He said he wanted to get some fresh air, but I know he’s lying when we end up here. Then he lights a joint and it’s obvious he just wants to get nasty.

And it would be nasty. I’m not going to fuck him in an alleyway. It’s my first time. I want it to be special.

But I’ve had too much to drink. And he’s good looking. Instead of telling him I want to go back inside, I keep laughing at his stupid jokes. A car pulls up in the street outside and honks. Alex turns to wave at them, but it’s dark-haired Cillian that looks back.You’re coming home with me in my car. Say it, Meisie.

“Did you get in the car?”

Yeah, I got in the fucking car. Why wouldn’t I? He’s handsome as hell, and I came here to find someone to bang.

“Where does Alex take you?”

To his apartment, I think. I dunno. It’s all getting jumbled now.

“Are you drunk?” Tap-tap go Patricia’s nails on the iPad.

No, it’s the joint. He offered. I accepted. But I don’t feel high. I feel...not right. Did he spike it?

“Where are you now, Meisie?”

I don’t know. It’s dark. Crowded. Untidy. I keep bumping into things. I think someone’s kissing me. Why won’t they turn on the light? It’s so dark in here. So much stuff lying all over the fucking floor.

“Turn on the light, Meisie.”

It’s red. Everything’s red.

“Is Alex’s apartment red, Meisie? Where are you?”

I’m in the dungeon.

He won’t let me go.