Page 12 of Gilded Bird

“Maddox,” she starts after she finishes a taco, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “Why…why did you think we would get divorced?”

Setting my taco aside with the others, I take a moment to decide how to answer that. “Because I know how I look at you, Mika. How my parents looked at one another. It doesn’t matter when I started to look at you that way, I never knew if you could feel the same. But I believed that you wanted to. That you wanted to feel something real. And he never gave you that.”

Mika watches me, digging her feet deep into the sand. “You never say his name. Or even call him my husband. Why not?”

“Once I started to have feelings for you, I started to watch every little thing he did. Or didn’t do. Maybe at first I just wanted to see what not to do with a woman. Until I realized I just cared about getting it right for one woman.For you. Him getting half of your life, having you and not appreciating you, pissed me off. I don’t hate him, but I am glad he is mostly out of your life.”

Mika nods as if she might understand that, gazing out over the water. I am ready for anything she might ask me. Any doubts she might have. And all the worries she will think up to not give this a chance. I am ready for it.

“Does Jameson know you…I mean about this? About how you think of me?”

Smiling, I shake my head. “Not exactly. He knows I never dated someone seriously. I never waste time on other women. I think he knew I had a crush on you when I was fifteen or sixteen. Wrote it off as you just being a smoking hot mom,” I tease her, pushing her gently. “I think…if he knew just what I felt about you, he would accept it. He might kick my ass, but he would be cool with it because he knows I will be good to you.”

“You dated. I remember girls, Maddox. Of course, you dated.”

“Did I? Or did I just bring girls over so you couldn’t see through me? So, no one could see how I couldn’t take my eyes off you? How I hung on every word you said.”

“That is not very fair to those girls. Or to me. It was wrong to feel something for me then.”

“It might have been,” I shrug, grinning wider. “It ain’t wrong now.”

Mika smiles but turns her gaze back out to the water. This is a lot to take in. A lot to navigate. To find out I have harbored feelings for her for so long has to be confusing for her. I frown as something occurs to me.

“Mika,” I whisper, the single word almost lost on the breeze. “You never did anything wrong. You never flirted or gave me ideas. Never made me think this was possible. This was never on you, baby. I fell for you and maybe you can’t fall for me. I would never expect you to…”

“What if I did? What if I do feel something for you? How do I know it is enough to risk what we could be risking? How could I hurt Jameson that way?”

Just hearing her talk about feeling something for me is a win. My heart flips in my chest a few times before I can breathe again. I watch her in the darkness, wishing she could see what I see. What the rest of the world sees when they look at her. What one man promised he would never forget and always cherish.

“If you thought you could be happy if you believed you could get all the things you were never given, feel all the things you never got to before, wouldn’t that be worth it? Wouldn’t that be enough?”

Turning to gaze at me, she cocks her head. Then she moves, crawling into my lap and pushing me back on the sand. Her lips seal to mine and for now, it is enough. I gather her close and we lie in the sand, just two lovers sharing a beautiful night. Nothing matters, not our ages, not how different we might be, or who it might hurt. All that matters tonight is the two of us.

Tomorrow or the day after, that might be different, it might be too much of a risk for her to take with me, but I will deal with that tomorrow. Tonight, I am on a date with the girl of my dreams so nothing else matters.

Chapter Seven

Mika

Be careful what you wish for--but what if you never dreamed of this wish and it comes true anyway?

What if one day a boy you knew becomes a man you cannot resist? What if his sweet words, his adoring gaze, and his hungry touch make you want to risk it all? How do I tell my son I might be falling in love for the first time? If he can handle that, could he handle knowing who I am falling in love with?

Maddox turned our first date, the first date I have been on in two decades, into a three-night ordeal. Not that I am complaining. From cooking us dinner, spinning me around to old David Bowie records, cuddling up watching Steve Martin movies, he has showered me with attention. Not to mention I lost count of orgasms after our first night together. Yes, I was counting because I think I had more that first night than I’ve ever had in my life.

Stretching as I lie in the big, empty bed, my body aches in places I forgot existed. Sitting up as the sound of the waves crashing outside urges me to get moving, I wince. I am also marked by his hands and his mouth. As if we made out in the backseat like teenagers. Heading for a shower, I turn it on high, letting the hot water soothe my aches.

“How do I soothe this ache though?” I speak to the mirror as I press a hand over my heart.

Waking up without him for the first time after spending the weekend together feels wrong. There is an emptiness inside of me. One I pretended I could ignore or live around. A hollow ache that I brushed aside for most of my marriage. An ache that Maddox managed to soothe, to almost entirely erase in just a few days.

Feeling something for him is out of the question. Having some fun for a few days is all I am willing to allow. He talks about the future, about telling Jameson and having something we cannot have. I am not ashamed of what we’ve shared, but I am not proud of how it could hurt Jameson.

“Ma,” Jameson’s voice echoes down the hall, startling me. I drop a can of skin cream, cursing as the expensive serum spills everywhere.

“In here, Tweedle Dee,” I call, almost laughing as I realize it is the first time I’ve called him that in a very long time. I used to tease both boys with the names, saying they were like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, a two-man wrecking crew who caused chaos but had good hearts.

“Ugh, don’t you dare? Maddox has been calling me that ever since he got to town. Jade wants to have a get-together at our place tonight. Can you come? There will be just a few of us, I think she wants to show off for you.”