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“What do you think of Sophia for a girl?” she asked, sucking in a sharp inhale when he ran his tongue over the crease of her leg.
“Mm. It’s beautiful. I love it.” Lifting his head, he flashed a boyish grin. “But you’re going the wrong way. Girl names aren’t necessary, darling. I’ve told you this.”
Letting her head drop back against the pillows, Taylor rolled her eyes. “Fine. Let’s hear what you have for the boys.”
“You first,” he mumbled, rearing up to kiss her stomach before settling back down between her thighs.
“I like Samuel or Daniel.”
She couldn’t help but laugh at his blatant grimace.
“No.”
“Benjamin?”
His eyebrow crept higher. One corner of his mouth twisted, and Sebastian shook his head.
“Fine. Cleatis it is.”
Despite her efforts, she couldn’t keep a straight face when she caught sight of his expression. Shocked and sour didn’t begin to cover it. Biting her lip, she still burst into laughter.
“Are you trying to get our kid beat up?” he asked, giving a dejected shake of his head.
“You know I was joking.”
He hooked her legs over his shoulders and met her eyes. “I don’t know. I truly do wonder about you sometimes.”
“Well, what are your bright ideas, handsome? You seem so intent on shooting mine down. What do you have in mind?”
Sebastian shrugged, his countenance already shifting to one of hunger as he trailed a finger over her clit. “I like strong names, powerful names, something like Xander or Knox.”
She pondered that, weighing them. “I like Xander,” she admitted.
“Good. That settles it then. Sophie for a girl and Xander for a boy. Now we can focus on other things.”
“Such as?”
His chuckle was low and raspy as it washed over her. “You know full well what, darling,” he warned, lowering his head.
~*~*~*~
Taylor tried to focus on the scenery as it rolled by, but her mind was spinning and her stomach was full of a cold and uneasy dread. It should have been a happy time. Their bags were tucked away in the trunk, and in a few short hours, they would be boarding a plane for Hawaii. She’d always wanted to see the ocean. She’d daydreamed numerous times about burrowing her toes into hot, white sand and tried to imagine what the warm, salty wind would smell like as it buffeted her face and whipped through her hair. She should be ecstatic. It was a dream vacation, made even better by taking it with the man she loved, but a heavy pall hung over the day, casting her dreams into shadows. The clouds hanging over her were filled with a darkness and despair so intense it threatened her sanity and made her heart ache.
She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Sebastian. The mere notion left her empty and shattered. Their life together hadn’t been easy. The challenges they’d faced seemed to grow more numerous and difficult by the day, but those struggles had bound them together in a way that could never be undone. He was her heart, her life, the very air she breathed and it killed her to know in a few short days, that could all be gone.
He’d held her for most of the night, promising to end things and come back for her as soon as he could. They’d fantasized about the life they would lead then. A life where they would be free to live, laugh, and love as hard and as often as they chose. He’d shared his hopes and dreams for the future. Twining his fingers through hers, he’d talked of a new SKALS, one where the men could live without Marx dictating their every move and action, and by the end of the night, he’d lulled her to sleep by promising her a wedding on the white, sandy shores of Hawaii.
Twisting the diamond and platinum ring on her finger, she smiled, thinking of the promises and vows they were going to exchange. It wouldn’t be official in the eyes of the law, but it would be something. Something for them to hold on to in the days and weeks to come. A beautiful culmination of the love they’d fought so hard to keep and sustain.
Reaching over, Sebastian squeezed her hand. Her eyes locked on the restaurant and she had to clamp them shut to keep the tears from falling as the lyrics from Ross Copperman’s Holding on and Letting Go drifted from the speakers and hit her.
Don’t know if we’ll make it, but we know we just can’t let it show.
It’s everything you wanted. It’s everything you don’t.
It’s one door swinging open and one door swinging closed.
Some prayers find an answer. Some prayers never know.
We’re holding on and letting go…
She tried. She tried so hard, but she couldn’t hold back the sob that pushed past her lips. Sebastian finished parking the car, shut it off, and pulled her into his arms. Hugging her over the center console, he cradled her against him and brushed a kiss across her temple.
“Shhh, baby. Don’t. Don’t cry.”
“I don’t want to leave.”
“I know, baby. I know,” he murmured, his voice breaking beneath the strain.
“Let’s just go. Just take me to the airport…please.”
Pulling back some, he cradled her face between his hands and stroked his thumbs over the tears coating her cheeks. “Nothing is set in stone. Let’s just hear what they have to say.” He kissed her forehead. When he eased back, his eyes met hers, his stare tender and probing. “Only one thing is for certain. This isn’t the end. It’s just a stepping stone, baby. I will always be with you, Taylor. I will always be by your side. Every day is the first day of the rest of our lives.”
“You and me, Sebby.”
The pain on his face lessened some with his smile and he tugged her forward to rest her forehead against his. “Always.”
She drew a deep, shuddering breath into her lungs and released it slowly, trying to draw strength from his words. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Taylor. So much. Never doubt that.”
She nodded. As much as the prospect of possibly leaving killed her, she would do this. It would break her heart, but she would do what she needed and be strong, if for no other reason than to give him some peace of mind and free his hands up to do what needed done. He had a job to do, and hers was to stand by him and support the choices he had to make.
“Okay,” she finally mustered. “But if I do this, and I have to go away, I expect the nursery done when I come back.”
His dimples deepened with his grin and the inside of the car filled with his husky laugh. “Light green and jungle theme it is.”
“Or silver and moon and stars if it’s a girl.”
“Mm hm,” he agreed. “But it’s not going to come to that. Now come on. We’re already late.”
The familiar argument brought her comfort. Nudging his arm, she rolled her eyes and unhooked her seat belt. By the time she’d finished and got her purse, Sebastian had already exited the Benz and approached her side of the car. He pulled the door open, extended a hand to help her out, and tucked her beneath the protective shield of his arm. The small family restaurant loomed in front of them and her shoes suddenly felt as if they’d been filled with lead. Giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze, Sebastian scanned the streets and assessed their surroundings before leading her across the street. Her breath faltered and her pulse quickened but this was it. There was no going back now. It was time to learn her fate.
~*~*~*~
Sebastian watched Taylor from the corner of his eye. Other than greeting Jack and ordering, she hadn’t said much since they sat down. She was trying hard to be strong, but dark bruise-like shadows cupped her eyes and there was a deep-seeded sorrow to her that even her whimsical smile couldn’t ease or erase. He shook his head and dragged a hand through his hair. This was by far the hardest decision he’d ever had to make. She paled a bit and his brow furrowed, wondering if it was nerves or the heady combination of coffee and deep-fried comfort foods hanging in the air that made her look so ill.
Across the table, Jack looked on in silence, his expression grim and apologetic as he studi
