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He blew out a perplexed sigh. “Bambi...”
“And stop calling me Bambi!”
“What the hell are you so mad at me for?” he barked back. He pointed his hand at his chest. “I’ve been looking for you for two days, and you come back in trouble and you’re mad at me?”
My breath became hard to manage. “I ... I don’t ...” I couldn’t think of the words to use, at the same time trying to stuff my anger back before I did anything else stupid. Why was I angry with him? Why couldn’t I stop?
Or maybe I wasn’t mad at all, but terrified. I simply didn’t know how to express it, too proud to admit it. Blake Coaltar was more trouble than I imagined.
And besides that, I worried that if and when this was over, the world Marc had dragged me into would suddenly disappear.
Being back, having the boys touch me, scrambling now to help me, when I’d been the one to bring them this trouble, it moved me in ways I couldn’t express.
Every moment I spent with them, it lured me further in. The guys were amazing and I wanted to spend more time with them. I wanted to learn what they knew. I wanted to go with Axel and Raven back to the shooting range. I wanted to play video games with Corey. I wanted to learn how to surf with Brandon. I wanted to know why their apartment smelled like a coffee house. I wanted Marc not to hate me. I didn’t feel so out of place here. I didn’t feel like I had to hide who I was.
I was scared of the truth. Because the truth was, I didn’t want to be alone. The more time I spent with them, the more I craved to be part of this. Perhaps that’s what drew me to Blake. He brought me in without question, too. He tried his best to involve me. Maybe he wasn’t what I thought it was, but he seemed to be genuine at the time.
I pushed back thoughts of Blake and simply stared at Marc. There were shadows under his eyes. The cord that hung from his neck, the silver sand dollar, dangled on top of his blue-collared shirt. The dark blue jeans and black boots, the whole ensemble with his sculpted chest and arms was exquisite. What didn’t match his otherwise striking face was the terrified expression he held.
He took a step forward. “Are you spacing out on me? What’s wrong now?”
“I don’t know what to do right now,” I said, trying to push back all the lies that were teasing my tongue, since he seemed to know when I lied anyway. This was the best I could do to answer, and it was true. I had no idea.
His shoulders relaxed. He held his arms out and open and he slowly stepped forward. “Kayli, come here for a second.”
I closed the distance between us, with my hands up in front of me, unsure what he wanted.
The moment I was close enough, he captured my wrists and drew me in. His arms weaved around my shoulders and he held on tight in an embrace.
The hug was awkward to me at first. I felt I didn't deserve it, least of all from him. I’d shot him in the leg. I left when he said not to. I ran to the only person he’d warned me to stay away from. Even after all of that, he came looking for me. He didn’t give up on me, even now. It took the last of my strength to close off my emotions so I wouldn’t cry.
His cheek met the side of my head, and he whispered. “I promised you,” he said. “I promised I’d never let you see Jack or that hotel again if that’s what you wanted. I promised I’d make sure Wil would be okay. What I forgot to mention was that I would make sure you were okay, too.”
“I’m fine,” I said, though I choked. I stuffed my face against his shoulder. “I don’t need anything.”
“You do,” he said. “I know you do. I was like you, once, and I needed the same thing.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” I said.
“You’re Kayli Winchester,” he said. “You’ve had a hard life, but you’re intelligent, and brave, and reckless. You push others away because you don’t want to be hurt. If people get too close to the real Kayli, you start lying or run away if the lies don’t work.”
I grunted and tried to push at his chest. “I don’t—”
He held strong, his arms tightening around my body. His head tilted until his lips met my ear. “But the real Kayli is amazing. She’s selfless. She’d risk her own life and freedom for anyone she cares about. She’s tender and a die-hard loyal person who demands only the best of loyalty in return. She’ll test you at every possible moment just to make sure you stick around. God help anyone who could win your heart and your trust, because he wouldn’t realize what would be unleashed in you.”
I swallowed, and tried to bury my head further into his shoulder, as if that was the way to get all the feelings inside of me to disappear. I wanted him to stop. The truth was, I didn’t want to look at myself as closely as he seemed to see me. “Marc,” I said, my voice smaller than I’d ever heard it before.
He sniffed hard and as he continued to hug me, he stepped forward, until my back met with the bathroom doorframe. He stopped there and pulled his head back. He lowered it until his forehead touched mine. “Don’t run any more, Kayli. If you’re worried I’ll see something I won’t like, trust me, I’ve got plenty of ghosts in my own closet for you to pick through.”
“What?”
“I wasn’t always like this,” he said. “I wasn’t even like you. You have Wil. You had a lot of excuses, reasons for what you’ve done. And even when you stole money, you were always thinking of other people. I wasn’t like that. I was horrible. I was mean. I was...” He shook his head against mine. “I did a lot of shit. Stuff I’m not proud of. Axel and the other guys, they got me out of it. They saw things in me I didn’t know about, things I hid from everyone by trying to be tough and put on a fake face. When I was young, I did it to survive. Then suddenly I just became that bad guy and just didn’t care. Until Axel showed up.”
“Axel said you saved his life,” I whispered.
He moved his arms from around me, until his palms cupped my cheeks. He kept his body close. I couldn’t move my hands from his chest, and I didn’t want to. Heat drifted from him and I wanted to absorb it. It was more than that, too. His closeness was something I wanted as well.
“I was in a bad spot,” he said. “I’d gotten mixed up in this street gang that did nothing but steal money for the drugs we wanted. We took over an abandoned section of houses down in North Charleston. Axel was part of an Academy team sent to stop us and clean up the area, only he infiltrated our group, trying to figure out if anyone was worth saving. He mixed in too far and the gang was going to kill him.”
“They killed people?”
“It was all about the drugs for them and he was a threat. They were being assholes. They stole a couple of guns and were going to drive by his house and shoot. Classic drive-by. Chicken-shit stuff. They wanted to stop anyone from taking over, which they thought Axel was doing. They thought he was part of another gang. Only I found out and I warned him. From that point on, he wouldn’t leave me alone. Every chance he got, he was inviting me to come to the shooting range with him, to go surfing with him. Anything and everything. Like a lost puppy that you feed once and you try to shoo off and he never listens.”
“Why did you change? Why did you finally listen?”
His thumb traced over my cheekbone, slowly, like the breath from his lips that trailed over every little inch of my face. The gentle touch sent waves of warm shivers through me. His eyes burrowed into mine. “He never gave up. The times I would come around, he never hesitated. He’d feed me, invite me to stay. He had me working with him on his research. I’d run off when I thought it was too much, but when I came back, it was like I never left. He took me back every time. Eventually I just stopped leaving.”
Something Axel had told me before about the Academy clicked inside. “And did he make you join this Academy? Was that why he wanted you?”
“That’s something else.” He smooth
ed his palm down, tracing over my jaw. “But the Academy trusted him when he said I was a good person, and they supported him. So when I did finally decide I wanted in, he supported me fully, every step, and the Academy did as well.”
“Sounds nice,” I said, with no real conviction. I didn’t know anything about the Academy other than the bits I’d been able to piece together. It wasn’t the current puzzle I’d been trying to work on, because of Coaltar. I was curious, but I’d work it out later.
“Kayli,” he said. “My point is it took me a long time to figure out I didn’t have to run off any more. I’m trying to help you. It’s easier if you just give in.”
“What are you saying?” I asked. “I already agreed to stay here because Coaltar.”
“I’m talking about you not running away all the time.”
“What do you want from me? I just said I’d stay,” I barked at him.
“For now,” he said. His fingertip trailed back up along my jaw until he was rubbing the soft spot just below my ear. “But I see it every time anyone looks at you too long. I was trying to talk to you at the mall, and you didn’t even know me, and you lied about your name and tried to run away. We had to corner you, and threaten you to get you to come with us. It feels like we’ve got to threaten you to stick around. I’m trying to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. Not with us.”
I tried to tilt my head away from his fingers. They were making it hard to keep the wall over my heart up. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t take this. I couldn’t surrender to his promises. Like Brandon, I couldn’t believe for a moment he really wanted to, but that he just felt obligated.
Marc seized my chin, shoving it back until my face was close to his. His fingers roughed over my jaw. “Kayli, stop shutting me out,” he commanded.
“I don’t know what you want me to do,” I said, but my voice was nearly gone, thick with the fear that he was way too close and seemed to think he knew what I wanted. I didn’t want him to know he was right. I don’t know why. My pride was too strong. I’d been this way for so long, I didn’t know how to give in. I didn’t know how to trust.
