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I look away. “I know. You told me before.”
“But I can offer you and the child almost anything else.” His breath is warm on my lips, his mouth inches away from mine. “Name it, Alessandra, and it’s yours.”
The deep timbre of his voice is a devil’s song, his conviction a dark melody that could tempt an angel to sin. The thought of spending a year married to Michail, of bringing my child into a home with a loving father and having that dream of a loving family is all too alluring.
But it would be a transient dream. One with a very firm deadline and no happily-ever-after. The ache I felt as I walked away from his villa in Santorini had hurt enough. I can’t begin to imagine the kind of pain I’d feel after living for a year as a family. Michail isn’t the kind of man to give his heart away to a woman. And I won’t settle for anything less than a man’s love.
“Nothing you can provide.”
His gaze hardens. “Try me.”
“There’s nothing, Michail. My answer is no.” One corner of my mouth twists into a slight smile. “Ironic, isn’t it? You thought for months I was only out for your money, only to learn I want nothing to do with it.”
“What about the baby?”
I tense. “I swear to God, Michail, if you threaten me—”
“Don’t, Alessandra.” The warning in his voice is lethal. “I would never separate you from the baby.”
“Then what—”
“You told me the one thing your mother never gave you was a father.”
I hate him. In that moment, I hate him and the fact that he remembers what I confided to him in the dark. That he’s now wielding my own words as a weapon against me.
“Yes. But she made up for it.”
“Did she?” His voice is quiet, yet the certainty in his tone is as strong as steel. “I’m not negating what she did. But you wanted a father.”
“We don’t always get what we want.” I lean in, nearly falter when he doesn’t pull back. As if he’s testing me to see how close I’ll get. “She was twice the parent my father ever was.”
“A conviction I’m intimately familiar with.” He cocks his head to one side. “My mother is a strong woman. She sacrificed a great deal to give me every chance at success. That didn’t stop me from craving a father. Even after I accepted my birth father was a bastard, I imagined life with someone who gave a damn. Someone who wanted to be involved.”
I don’t want his words to resonate. Don’t want to remember how it felt to sit on my father’s lap as he helped me unwrap a doll with a red ribbon in her hair and gather me into a tight hug as he told me I was ten times prettier than any toy.
“We both imagined a lot as children.” I force the words out, stand my ground. His proposal is the definition of insanity. “I grew up. Fairy tales don’t exist.”
“Fairy tales, no. But an involved father who can be responsible and committed to your child? That can be a reality.”
A fact I thought I could accept. Except Michail wouldn’t just be a dedicated parent; he’d be the one man who would break me the same way my father broke my mother. But unlike her, I have ample warning that any type of relationship with Michail will end.
“I can offer you stability. Support. A guarantee that I will care for our son and give him everything both of us wanted.”
“Not love.”
He pauses. His eyes drop down to my stomach.
“When I read the paternity results, I knew there wasn’t a single thing in this world I wouldn’t do to be in his life.” He looks back up at me. “I don’t have to think about it. I just know.”
My eyes grow hot. I know what he means. I felt the same thing in the doctor’s office when I first learned I was pregnant. I just never expected Michail of all people to talk about love like this. To feel it unconditionally.
“Children can break your heart, too.”
A shadow crosses his face. “I know. And one day that may happen. But I can do everything possible as his father to help him grow into the kind of man who doesn’t hurt others.”
I fight for control, to keep my eyes trained on his even though I want to lean into him, to just let go for a few moments and revel in the strange intimacy of sharing such an incredible feeling with the father of my child.
Michail’s disclosure alters things. If I take myself out of the equation, I know what he’s offering is the best thing for our son. But if the thought of one week with Michail was enough to make my chest ache, what will an entire year do? Or more?
