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His mouth twisted to a smile against my head. “That’s a story for another day. But it was the hardest thing for me to do to admit something at home was wrong. There were times I considered quitting the Academy entirely and leaving everyone behind so they wouldn’t find out and so they’d never know. It might have been the most difficult thing to admit my problems to them, but it was one of the best things, for me and for them.”
My hand loosened my grip of his shirt. “I guess that’s a hint.”
“Running away doesn’t help anyone. We’ll fix whatever we have to. You just have to tell us.” His fingertip traced over my cheek. “Stay with us, Sang. Don’t run from us anymore. The only way our group works is if you can be honest with us.”
“What if it isn’t fixable?”
“There’s very little out there that isn’t fixable. Death, going to prison... But anything else we can usually figure it out.”
“How?”
He laughed, his baritone echoing through me. “You ask me that a lot.”
“Sorry.”
He smoothed his cheek across the top of my head. “You’re not sorry.”
I honestly didn’t know what I was any more. I was still overwhelmed by the gifts. I was still wondering about Victor’s story and how he managed to get his father to stop belittling him. I was still curious about what trouble the others were in and how they fixed it together. Wasn’t I protecting them by not bothering them over things I could handle?
I had to trust his experience. All I had to do was tell them. Why did it feel like the hardest part? “I want to stay with you,” I whispered. That was the easiest to say. I wanted him, all of them, to know.
“Are you sure?” he asked in a quieter tone.
My fingers gripped at his shirt again. I wanted to be sure he knew I meant it. “Yes.”
The hand at my face shifted to my back, hugging me in close. He breathed in deeply against my hair, his breath shifting the locks against my head. “As you wish.”
With my cheek pressed to his chest, my eyes wandered to the pictures around us, the stars above our heads, the trace outline of the chair we sat in. All the things they did for me seemed like so much, and all they wanted was to make sure I stayed with them. I didn’t want to leave them before, but I also didn’t feel my place among them. Kota promised, as well as the others promised, that it would happen. I would eventually know where I belonged with them. What I had to trust, what I needed to keep reminding myself, was that I did belong. I belonged somewhere, right? Why not with them?
There in the dark with Victor next to me, and his promise that they wanted me, and the promise from the others displayed before me in the pictures, the stars, the clothes, all the new things, they were doing what they could, before I even knew what I wanted, to ensure I believed it like they did.
We grew quiet together. There were many things I wanted to say. I wanted to thank him again. I wanted to ask him more about his father, his life. I wanted to ask about the others. I wanted to tell him something, a problem, a small one, just to offer something of myself to let him know I understood. My mind was a mess, though. All I managed to do was slip my cheek against his chest and massage my fingertips in a tiny circle along his collarbone.
I didn’t want to let go. This was as close as I’d ever been to any of them. A feeling of warmth and belonging was seeping into me through his touch, and I wanted it to last.
His fingers traced along my ribs. “Sang?” Victor whispered.
“Yes, Victor?”
He shifted a hand from my back, slipping down my arm until his fingers found the bracelet at my wrist. His breath against the top of my head and heated a small circle of my skin. “We should go out.” He paused, swallowed, “I mean if you want to, I could take you out sometime.”
My eyes widened, focusing on a single heart glowing against the wall. What did it mean? What did he want? I thought it would be wrong to ask those questions. Did he expect me to know? Out as in a date? As a friend? What about the others? Kota? What would it mean if we started dating? What if something happened and we found out we didn’t like each other?
My own heart thundered and my mind whirled trying to grasp the right thing to say. All I had were questions. “Where would we go?” It slipped out first and I pursed my lips, unsure.
He released a breath. I felt his mouth smiling against my head. “I'll take you anywhere you want.”
It wasn’t what I meant. I’d asked the wrong question and it gave him an answer that he wanted and I couldn’t take it back. Something inside me didn’t want to. I liked Victor. Everything I’d said about him the other night, about being handsome and looking out for me, I admired in him. The only problem was I liked all of them. A yes to him felt like a betrayal to the others. Wasn’t dating about choosing one guy to date? “Victor, I... I’ve never... I mean I don’t know...”
He nuzzled my forehead with his nose. “I understand. It’s sudden and there’s so much going on. Maybe I should have waited. I didn’t want to. I’m not very good at waiting.”
How long had he been waiting to ask? I didn’t want to make him feel bad about asking. Isn’t that what he was telling me? To be honest about what I was feeling? I dipped my head down, pressing my fingers to my lips, summoning the courage to say something to clarify things for myself and not disappoint him. “I’ve never been out with anyone. I mean I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.”
“Well,” he said, shifting to sit up a little. I pulled back so I was sitting beside him. His hand found mine, our fingers intertwined. His eyes remained on our hands so I watched our hands, too, assuming that was what I was supposed to do. “First you pick a place. I’ll complain that it’s girly but I’ll take you there anyway because I want to impress you.” His tone was matter of fact, as if explaining how to operate a can opener.
I started giggling, shaking my head. “Victor...”
“And then you complain about what to wear. You’ll try on a hundred different dresses and go back to the first one you put on. I’ll pick you up in my car and we’ll go to some place that we’ll both hate. It’ll probably be some restaurant where the waiter flirts with you and I have to beat him up.”
I rolled my head back, laughing. Victor was always so quiet and reserved that listening to this side of him was melting my heart.
His fire eyes sparked against the green glow around us. “And then we’ll go see a show, a foreign film in a language neither of us understands. We’ll annoy the other people watching by making up the lines as the movie goes on.”
“Aw,” I said against my laughter. “They’ll be mad at us. They might kick us out”
“You’re right,” he said, tilting his head as if pondering the problem. His thumb started drifting over the back of my hand. “Maybe I should just buy out the movie theater for the night.”
I tucked my head back against his shoulder, snickering against him. “No, you’ve spent enough on me.”
“Are you kidding? I haven’t even started yet.”
I picked my head up, grinning. “No,” I complained. “No more spending money.”
He gripped my hand tighter, smirking. “You don’t like it?”
Did he want me to be honest now? “I don’t want you to spend money on me.”
His smile brightened. “Good.”
My mouth popped open. “What do you mean good?”
“That’s the first thing you’ve honestly told me you wanted without me prying it from you.”
I bit my lower lip, contemplating his meaning. I tried to recall everything I’d ever talked to him about, but with him next to me, it was difficult to think at all.
He picked my hand up, pressing our palms together between us. “Too bad I won’t listen,” he said.
I scoffed, pulling my hand away. “Victor...”
He laughed but stopped short, stiffening next to me. “No, no, no...” he pleaded as he leaned forward again, hauling out his phone from his back pocket and swiping at the face. “Always perfect timing.”
“Academy?” I asked.
He nodded, sighing, tucking his phone away again. “I’m sorry. I can’t stay.”
“What’s going on? It’s not fighting, is it?”
He sat up, reaching for the wall. There was a click and the rose sconces lit up over our heads again. “No, not really. Something’s broken and I have to fix it.”
“Right now?”
He turned back to me, his fire eyes met mine and started to blaze. “Yeah,” he said softly, “right now. I wouldn’t leave unless I had to.”
I rubbed absentmindedly at a spot on my cheek. “Oh I know, I didn’t mean... sorry.”
His hand found mine at my cheek, taking it in his and squeezing gently. “If I don’t get a chance to come back, I’ll see you on Monday.”
I smiled, trying to bottle my desire to ask him to stay. I knew better. “Hurry and go before you get in trouble.”
He smirked, rolled his eyes, lugging away and stumbling out of the bean bag chair onto the carpet. I dragged myself up, on my hands and knees, intending to follow him out but he stopped short on the stairs. He turned, his head almost smacking into mine.
