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The top of the wardrobe was carved with the same flower and little hearts as the bookshelf. My fingers traced the leaves and a few of the hearts mixed in.
I crawled over to the door, spilling out onto the mauve carpet. At least that was the same.
I stood up, attracted to the bed and drawing back the cover. I groaned and then lit up with pleasure when underneath were brand new, deep pink cotton sheets. It was almost too strong a color, but I really liked it. With pure wanting, I slipped between them, burying my head in what I was sure was a new pillow, plump and fresh. The bed was firm, a huge difference from my old one. Would anyone really notice? Would my mother?
With that thought, I sighed, pushing myself to slip downstair
s to find her. I checked the app one more time to ensure she wasn’t walking around before I got up, skidded to the door and opened it to the hallway.
The hallway was empty, as I’d expected from the camera app. Still, I tiptoed down the back stairs, slipping around the living room and through the kitchen to approach my parents’ hallway as quietly as possible.
Inside her bedroom, she rested in her bed, where I last saw her. She was sweating again. I wondered if she ate. I forgot to ask Nathan but I assumed he’d say something if she hadn’t. I wondered about calling Dr. Green to see if I should do something for her but I wasn’t sure what else to do.
On my toes, I drew into the room. I gazed up and to my right, where there was the short hallway. The hallway contained three doors, one on the left and one on the right were matching walk-in closets and the back door was a bathroom. I’d only seen the inside once, the day we moved in. The door was open now. The hunter green carpet was a contrast to the beige of their bedroom carpet. The shower tub had a hunter green curtain hanging from it. The same ivy plant border wallpaper that was in the main bedroom was in the bathroom as well, blending the styles.
This room was different to me, too, somehow. Was it a lingering scent of the boys in the room? Was it that I knew there was a camera and at some point the boys might turn it on at any time? Were they watching now? Victor had promised they wouldn’t unless absolutely necessary, but I’d used it a couple of times already in the few hours I’d been home. How easy would it be for them to blink it on? Would I ever know for sure?
Is this what they lived with every day? Was this what it meant to be part of the Academy?
My mother stirred behind me. Years of habit kicked in. I slipped back out into the main hallway, avoiding confrontation.
It felt like eons since I’d last seen her. Something struck me, though. My father was gone. Marie wasn’t there right now. She’d been alone. While she was watched over, she didn’t know it. I didn’t understand why she did it to herself. When there were people out there like Kota and others who could care for someone else, why would someone choose to be alone? Was she happy? Despite her illness, did she like that her world consisted of doctors, two daughters she barely said a word to and a husband who was never home?
I didn’t think she could be. Yet every time I talked to her, she reprimanded, demanded and punished. I thought of Marie. Did Marie worry? Did she know how bad our mother’s illness was? Maybe she didn’t, or she would check in more often. Maybe she should know.
Maybe the guys could help. Maybe if I asked, they could figure out why my mother avoided people and could figure out a way to help her. Didn’t Kota promise to try the first day we ever met? Yes. He did. Maybe they weren’t just protecting me. Maybe they would help. Or maybe they would do more if I asked, like Victor said. And they didn’t have to do anything, really. If they could tell me what to do, I’d do it.
Maybe my mother could relax and learn to like other people. If that were true, we wouldn’t have to sneak around. Maybe we could be normal, or at least normal enough that she could be happy. Maybe she could get better.
Get family in order. That’s what Kota said. I vowed to myself that the next chance I got to talk with them seriously, I’d try to bring that up. Maybe if they had the time, they could help me figure out what to do. Maybe then, when I was in order, I could become part of their family, too, and I would feel it as much as they did with each other. The very idea excited me to no end. I wanted to get started now.
I padded to the kitchen to make my mother some soup.
Sleepless
That evening, I was awake at eleven, staring at the ceiling in the dark from between the sheets of my new bed. I wore new red shorts and a white tank top from Victoria's Secret. I’d thanked everyone by text and phone calls. I even sent a text to Victor, thanking him again. He never replied but I assumed he was still doing Academy business.
As I stared off into the dark, I knew Marie was home. She snuck in around nine and went straight to her room. I followed her using the app on my phone. She was in bed now, clothes laid out on the chair nearby for school the next day. Spying was becoming a creepy habit.
I tossed. I turned. I enjoyed the comfort of the new bed. I was far too excited, overwhelmed and strangely, I was also lonely. I’d had other people next to me all week and now, my first night to give me some peace and to eliminate the risk, I was missing them all.
I sat up, attracted to the window. I sat on my old trunk to gaze out into the evening. Kota’s car wasn’t back in its place. Was he working late? Was Victor with him?
I turned back to the bed, ready to give it another go and forget trying to call or bother anyone, when I realized this might be exactly what the others meant when they said to talk to them if I needed anything. Didn’t Silas command me to call when I was lonely? Hadn’t North, Kota and the others constantly nagged me to call for anything? Only I didn’t want to call anyone over. It was late. They were probably all sleeping. Except for Kota, who was gone and working.
I sighed, coming up with an idea but unsure if I should do so. Without giving it another thought, with the fear I would slip back into bed and forget the whole thing, I opened my bedroom door, stepping barefoot into the hallway.
I skulked my way through Nathan’s yard. I had never met his father and I wasn’t quite sure that I wanted to get caught in his yard just in case he did happen to be home. My heart thundered through me, until I was shaking on my toes.
The air held a crispness as a wind picked up from the ocean nearby, sweeping my hair into my eyes. I breathed in the salt, remembering Silas’s cologne. Part of me wanted to stand there and soak in the night. Maybe I should have talked to North. Would he have taken me to the beach? Did I want him to?
I found Nathan’s window and I tapped at it lightly with a finger. He’d surprised me at my window before. I thought it was fair I got the chance to do so to him. Besides, I was worried if I’d called to ask, he’d tell me not to risk it. The truth was, I didn’t want to sleep in my room tonight. I wasn’t so sure why. Maybe I wasn’t used to the cameras. Maybe I was too excited by all the new things. All I knew was, I wasn’t going to sleep there. Not tonight.
Silence. I tapped with my fingernail again, peeking in from between the slats of the blinds.
The light from his closet was on and a figure stirred in his bed. The maroon covers were pulled away. Nathan appeared, a hand pushed to his face, rubbing. I was glad he was home. I’d been half worried he’d gotten called into work, too, and I made the trip for nothing.
When I tapped again, he glanced over, sitting up and covered himself at the hips with the blanket. He carried the blanket with him, crossing the floor. He yanked the string to raise the blinds. His bare chest and stomach were exposed. I found myself doing a double take, staring in awe at the definition. He blinked out at me and with one hand he unlocked the window and started to slide it open.
“What are you doing here?” he said, his voice gruff with sleep.
“I can’t sleep,” I said, trying to avoid looking at his hips. Was he in his underwear?
He huffed, grinning and shaking his head at me. He thrust the window all the way open. He released it and held out his hand, palm open and waiting. I grabbed it, and he helped me get over the high wall and in through the opening. I landed on the carpet.
He clutched the blanket, shifting it higher on his waist. “Turn around,” he said. “Face the window.”
I did, and closed the window for him and locked it back. Through the reflection against the pane of glass, I watched as he moved toward the closet. With his back to me, he released the blanket, letting it feather to the floor.
My heart stopped dead and I lost the breath I’d been holding.
His bare, fit butt matched the rest of him in exquisite, reflected detail.
I blushed, turning my eyes away to focus instead on the shadows outside. I was embarrassed to have peeked, but I knew the image would be ingrained into my mind forever.
Another secret.
Did he sleep naked when he was home by himself?
He shuffled behind me. I stared hard into the blinds to avoid tempting myself to watch. “Okay,” he said eventually.
I turned around as he was fluffing the blanket back over the bed. He’d slipped on a pair of dark boxers. His smile was outlined on his face from the light of the closet behind him. “Oh yeah,” he said. “Come see.”
I tiptoed around the bed, glancing around his room at the karate posters and at his dresser. The stereo on top was playing some rock music from a band I didn’t recognize.
He pointed to his closet. I stepped inside, noting how it had been emptied of the collection of used work out equipment and boxes. Now his clothes were organized, the bars for hanging clothes stretched out on the left and right. I recognized a small collection near the back on the left, with skirts and blouses, in shades of pink and other girl colors. Some underwear and bras were folded neatly on a shelf above them.
I reddened, feeling awkward. It was a strange feeling, like the clothes were for me to wear, but belonged to Victor, with Gabriel commanding them, and Nathan guarding them. They didn’t really feel like mine at all. In a way it relieved some of the guilt I felt about the cost. “Thank you,” I whispered, unsure of what else to say.
“Never thought my first roommate would be a girl,” he said. He flicked off the light from the closet and through the dark, he shuffled toward the bed, sitting down on the edge. He patted the spot next to him. “Come on.”
I crawled onto his bed, moving over to the side closer to the window. I rested on my side on top of his blanket, propping my head up on my arm. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. He stretched out next to me, his head propped up, too. I couldn’t see the blue in his eyes but I imagined the serious expression as he spoke. “Why can’t you sleep?”
I pushed a forefinger to my lower lip. “I don’t know. I like the new bed. I love everything, but I couldn’t stop...” I lost the explanation, not that I really had one but I wanted to give a reason. I did love what they’d done but I didn’t understand why I couldn’t sleep.
