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He stretched a hand, taking mine from my mouth and holding it to his chest. “Too much?”
I nodded.
“It doesn’t feel like your own yet, huh?”
“I’ve never had new things before.” Not to mention that they were gifts. The admission surprised me. Was being honest getting easier?
He sighed. “Well, get under the covers.”
He scooped up the blanket between us, waiting until I shuffled my feet underneath. He released the blanket over us. I could just make out the outline of his muscled shoulders. I wondered if I would ever stop being in awe of his frame. The mere idea of his power made my insides tremble.
He shifted until he was on his side facing the closet, settling in. The scent of cypress and leather filtered to my nose. My eyes widened, focused, looking at the deeper shadows, at the dull blue glow of the light of his stereo, and the red numbers of the digital clock on the side table next to us. I wasn’t sure what I was thinking coming over to his house. What made me think I could possibly sleep here any better?
“Shit,” he breathed out, flipping over. He propped his body up on his arm as he twisted to reach for something on the side table closest to me, hovering over me. He grinned down at me as he snatched up his phone. “If I don’t tell them you’re here, they’re going to flip if they try to check in.”
I hadn’t thought of that. It rattled me more that he had to do it. This was a bad idea. They’d think I didn’t like all my new stuff. They’d think I’d gotten in trouble. It was a school night. What was I doing here? “Nathan...” I whispered, unsure how to express my fears.
He sat up cross legged on the bed, the phone in his hands. “What?”
“Let them know it wasn’t because... I mean I really do love the new things.”
He chuckled and his hand found mine in the dark. He guided me to sit up. He tucked an arm around my waist, pulling me into his lap. My butt settled between his legs, my knees hooking over his thigh and he wrapped his strong arms around me, looking down into my face. “You can say it, Sang. It isn’t wrong.”
My fingers sought my mouth. I wasn’t sure what he meant.
He snatched my hand away before I could touch my lip. “Don’t do that. I can’t stand it. You can say what you’re thinking. I’m not going to laugh.”
I still wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be admitting. In the moment, my mind was muddled with feeling his strong, warm body around me, his serious expression and my own trembling heart.
He pressed my hand to his chest, pushing my palm over his heart, his own fingers warming over mine to keep it there. “You can admit you were lonely. You don’t have to hide that. Victor told you the truth. You don’t have to wait for an invitation to come over. Call, come over, send smoke signals. If you want me, I’ll come for you.”
I bit my own lip, swallowing back my heart. “I was lonely,” I whispered.
His arms tightened around me again, pressing me close to his body. My cheek fell to the hardness of his collarbone, and I kept my hand over his heart.
He sighed heavily against me. “To be honest, I was, too.”
My eyes watered. When I thought about it, it was Nathan that had more reason to feel alone than I did. My mother was downstairs in my house. My sister was there, too. Nathan’s father could not be home right now, and might not be for days at a time as he flew helicopters back and forth for work. He saw his father less than I did mine, perhaps. There was no one here. As far as I knew, Nathan was the one who was alone most of all.
He sighed against my head, and pulled back, picking up his cell phone again. “But let me text them before they call in the squad to find you.”
I remained against his chest, burying my face into his shoulder. It was hard to admit what I’d done, and was grateful he was there to tell them for me.
He typed in a message, pushed a button to send it and waited. After a couple of minutes of sitting and cuddled together in the dark, a message returned. “There,” he said, “Kota’s nagging. So we’re good.”
“Nagging?”
“Oh you know, make sure you get back tomorrow morning without your mom finding out. Don’t be late for school. Don’t stay up all night. Don’t let you climb up to the roof alone if you need to.”
My heart warmed. Kota’s nagging was caring. It was more than my parents did.
My phone lit up in the crest of my cami bra top and started to vibrate. I’d already forgotten I’d put it there. The phone lit up our faces in the dark.
Nathan laughed. “You’ve got the best pockets.”
I laughed, too, blushing as I removed the phone. Victor was calling. Did Nathan tell everyone I was here? I couldn’t not answer him, even though in that moment I wasn’t sure I should. Every step I made around them now had me questioning how the others would react. What would Victor think of me sitting in Nathan’s lap right now? I was questioning my own loyalties and what was appropriate at every turn.
I pushed the button. “Victor?”
“Are you okay?” Victor asked, genuine concern in his tired voice.
“Yeah,” I said, my eyes moving to Nathan’s face, wondering if he could hear. “I’m fine.”
Victor paused. “Are you?”
That was a challenge. I summoned courage. “I was lonely,” I admitted, still blushing and my free hand searching for my lip again. Nathan caught it in his, squeezing it and narrowing his eyes at me. I continued, “After being around everyone all week and suddenly no one...”
“Oh,” Victor said, “And you couldn’t sleep.”
“I tried.”
Victor sighed. “Should have left someone with you,” he said, though quietly as if noting it to himself instead of saying it to me.
“I didn’t know,” I said, “I didn’t think about it. But we shouldn’t be doing that any more. Tomorrow I’ll stay in my room.” Was he not mad about me going to Nathan’s? He said someone. Would he have sent Nathan to me if I’d asked?
“Tomorrow I’ll stay the night,” he said.
“Victor...” I said, unsure of how to respond.
“Tell him to let us sleep,” Nathan complained. “He can talk to you tomorrow.”
“Tell Nathan to butt out,” Victor said. “But he’s right. Go to sleep.”
My lips tightened. “Okay.”
“‘Night,” he said, and hung up.
I dropped the phone onto the bed, exasperated and every single nerve ending electrified. “Next time, I’ll make you answer. Can we sleep now?”
Nathan laughed. He tucked his arms around me, pulling me back against the bed with him, yanking the covers over our heads. “Whatever you say.”
At first, Nathan slept with space between us. With his bed being bigger than even the new one I had, it was much easier to have some room.
I woke up around two in the morning with his back pressed up against my side. I shivered, my body chilled as his house was cold and the air conditioner was still on full blast. In my sleepy state, I pressed my back into his. It just seemed so natural. His body was warm and I’d slept closer to the others before so I didn’t think it would bother him.
He turned over, mumbled something and his arm fell over me. His hands gripped me by the waist and dragged me until my back was pressing into his stomach. His cheek pressed against my shoulder. I felt the slightest movements of his lips at the curve of my neck as he breathed and he settled down, falling back asleep.
I stared at the clock on the bedside table. Nathan was hugging me to himself. My hips and butt felt parts of his body that I was sure friends were probably not supposed to think of. My heart thundered against my chest, rattling me and I couldn’t get myself to calm down to sleep.
Only I didn’t want to move. Part of me didn’t want to wake him. Part of me loved that he had sought me out in the night, hugging me to him. Victor probably wouldn’t like this. Neither would North. Would they understand? I pushed the thoughts back. What did I know about friendships, relationships, dating or anythin
g like that? All I had was what they told me was okay.
I willed my heart to slow down. The best I could do was to doze. I did that for hours, occasionally startling awake as his hand adjusted on my waist or slid to lightly clutch at my stomach. His strong fingers spread across my belly, sending different waves of tingles and shivers through my core. It took tensing every muscle to not shake so much.
The night lasted forever.
I was halfway into finally dozing again when his hand relaxed against my stomach, slipping toward my ribs as he pulled himself up to look over my shoulder. “Sang?” he grumbled, thick with sleep.
I yawned, sitting up. I’d been up all night. Utter defeat. Why did I ever think I could sleep next to him?
“It’s about five,” he said in a whisper.
