One step out of my room, I freeze in front of the mirror over the sink. Like Jasmine covering up to go out into Agrabah, I’ve longed to hide under a hood and tunic every day and be invisible again. Safe again. I’ve felt nothing but bitterness toward that reflection for months. I blame it for the pain and fear I’ve had to bear. The desire to like what I see there is warm but itchy. Like a wool sweater.
I wedge the laptop into the corner of the countertop and brush my hair guiltily, as if I’m betraying myself. I vowed I was finished jumping through the hoops I did last year—looking my best to play popularity games for girls who would compliment me and then tear me to pieces when I turned my back. Why did I try to please them? I won’t again. I don’t anymore. I allow myself the luxury of wearing clothes I love, but I don’t fiddle with my hair or do my makeup anymore. I don’t want to impress girls who will hold it against me, and I don’t want to impress guys who will get the wrong idea. I straighten the button-down tucked into my shorts, avoiding my own gaze. Digging out the mascara from mybag under the sink feels like crossing a line, but I swipe it on anyway.
The devil on my shoulder says it’s super normal to want to look good for a not-date with a guy who leaves an electric charge in his wake. It says I’m not being weird—I’m finally being reasonable. But the angel insists Levi’s interest is only skin deep, in how he can benefit. Or maybe the angel and devil are switched. The confusing girl in my reflection bites her lip.
Am I being stupid again? I really don’t need some guy to be content. I only need you.
I don’t think I hear anything back.
Well, this is a friend thing. Friendships are good. I’m doing it. I drop the mascara back in in the bag and draw in a courageous breath.
At Common Grounds the back of Levi’s head is easy to find. He’s working on his laptop in an armchair, leather backpack on the coffee table. His careless blond waves defy his put-together ensemble as always.
He cranes around and brightens. How bizarre that I’m the girl meeting up with the elusive Levi. Like I’m going on a date with Tad Hamilton. Everyone says he doesn’t do this kind of thing. If I could only get to the bottom of why he’s making an exception. No—I’m easy breezy. This is just a friend thing. Just some studying and coffee with a friend made of lean muscle and sunbeams for hair, radiating confidence and intelligence like it’s his full-time job to make every girl on planet Earth swoon. Friends, yep.
Leg crossed wide, he holds up an iced mocha with whipped cream like a prince on his throne. He remembered my drink and arrived early to have it ready for me? Such a gentleman. A princely gentleman.
I take my place in the armchair next to his and accept my coffee, avoiding his fingers.
“I got you decaf since it’s nearly your bedtime. Wasthat right?”
I chuckle. “Basically. Thank you.”
A guy in a red floor shirt with cracked black letters swaggers across the room. “What it do, Jeeves?” He does a double take when he sees Levi’s with me.I know. Weird, right?
“Hey, bro,” Levi says. “Is A2 ready to get crushed tonight?”
“Puh. Must be dreamin’.” He sends me a dude head-tilt.
I raise my hand in a wave, but he’s already past us. “New year, new Jeeves,” he murmurs.
“That’s Dontrell Wayne,” Levi says. “Best receiver on campus. He could’ve played college ball, maybe pro.”
“Why didn’t he?”
Admiration fills Levi’s eyes. “He wants a different kind of life.”
“You have your work cut out for you tonight,” I tease.
“I do. Will you be there to cheer me on?”
“Maybe.” Okay, definitely. “What are you working on?” I motion to his screen.
“Writing a paper for Jesus class.”
I grin at the nickname. Austin told me they’re taking “Life and Teachings of Christ” together. “Sounds like a worthwhile endeavor.”
“Very.”
“Do you bring your Jesus backpack to Jesus class?”
It takes him a beat. “Oh, Jesus inThe Chosen?” His wall of reserved facial expressions cracks behind a laugh.
“Maybe it was subliminal messaging that made you buy it,” I joke.
“Absolutely. I want to be exactly like Jesus.”
Exactly like Jesus? I lose all self-control and sink into his eyes like quicksand.
