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“I’m not trying to push her around! I’m trying to protect her.”
“Does she know that?” Mr. Blackbourne lifted a fist pointing it at his face and then at me. “Did you tell her why she’s grounded? Or did you just tell her what you thought she did wrong?”
Kota blinked at him. “I ... was angry.”
“And?”
“... I was worried,” Kota said. His eyes slid to me. “I was worried about you, Sang. After you were kidnapped, I didn’t want you out of my sight and suddenly you weren’t there and I spent most of the morning wondering if Luke really had taken you or if you’d somehow been kidnapped again under my nose. When you came back and ...” Kota’s cheeks reddened. “When you pretended like everything was just fine, I was angry at you.” He bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Miss Sorenson,” Mr. Blackbourne focused on me, his eyes softening. He planted his hands on either side of my thighs, bending slightly at the hip so he could level his eyes to mine. “Look at me and tell me what happened last night.”
I glanced at Kota, but Mr. Blackbourne tilted his head, catching my eyes and redirecting my attention.
“Mr. Taylor hasn’t gotten back to me with his report. You’ll have to fill me in. Please.”
I told him everything. I started when Luke asked me to go for a ride, to stopping Mr. Morris from following us, to Mrs. Fredrick’s home, to getting almost lost in the woods, to the break-in, the gunshot, the escape. I skipped over getting bandaged in the bathroom with Luke, and him trying to teach me to pickpocket, but it seemed too trivial to matter. The bell for homeroom rang out and then first period started before I finished. “When we got back, they were all awake and ...” I said, but stopped, my throat dry.
Mr. Blackbourne fished a bottle of water from Dr. Green’s desk and opened the top. “Does Mr. Taylor still have the camera?” He passed the bottle to me.
“Yes,” I said, taking the water and sipping from it.
“Mr. Blackbourne,” Kota said. “Did you listen to her? She broke into a house. She could have been caught, or shot, or ...”
“So could Mr. Taylor. Are you holding him to a different standard than her?”
Kota frowned. “I’m trying not to.“
“Either you bring her in fully and let her work with us, or she lives her own life and doesn’t have to follow our suggestions. You can’t have both. As far as I’m concerned, she’s shown an amazing amount of trust following Luke and she proved she’s more than capable of handling the work.” Mr. Blackbourne turned back to me. “But I suppose your jealousy is talking.”
“Jealousy?” Kota spat out. “I’m not—”
“Miss Sorenson,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “Could you do me a favor?”
I nodded. I wanted to agree with Mr. Blackbourne, who had been so supportive, but I didn’t want to alienate Kota, either. He only grounded me because he cared, and he was quiet because he didn’t want to yell like North. This felt deeper than when Gabriel grounded me. This was Kota afraid for my safety and wanting to keep me as close as possible. I felt for him, even if I disagreed with how strict he wanted to be. “What do you want me to do?” I asked Mr. Blackbourne.
“I’m going to leave this room and pretend I didn’t walk into the middle of this. Kota will apologize to you properly. Are you okay with this? If you can forgive him for being worried about you.”
I blushed. Was that what this was about? Why couldn’t Kota have just told me?
I nodded to Mr. Blackbourne. “I can.”
He nudged my arm a little, and gestured to my kneeling position. I realized he wanted me to hop off the desk. I did, standing.
He massaged my arm gently. The touch was soothing and commanding at the same time. I felt every tug of his fingers, molding me to stand straighter, to look him in the eyes, to obey his every order. “He’s trying,” he said quietly.
I understood. Mr. Blackbourne nodded, glanced once at Kota and then left the room, locking the door behind us.
In the quiet that followed, it was harder to say something. Kota stared at the floor. At first, I thought he was angry that Mr. Blackbourne had told him he was wrong.
I moved toward him. I didn’t want to be like this anymore. We were both worn out. This wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t Luke’s either. When we left last night, we didn’t think about this part. Maybe I should have blamed Volto. If it wasn’t for his antics, maybe Kota wouldn’t have felt this way about Luke taking me.
Kota raised his head as I approached him. It looked like he wanted to talk, his lips were parted, but he held back whatever it was he wanted to say.
I positioned myself next to him. I held on to his arm for leverage, stood on my toes and kissed at his cheek. A wave of warmth suddenly washed over my body, drawing strength from him. It was what I’d been wanting all morning but didn’t know how to tell them. I’d felt cold as they kept their distance, not wanting to start a fight, but all I really wanted was to feel someone’s arms around me and know I was safe again That they wanted me. I didn’t want to feel so cold anymore. If it took me showing some warmth to get warmth in return, I’d do it. I’d follow Mr. Blackbourne’s request. He seemed to understand.
My lips lingered on his cheek. I pulled back an inch. “I’m sorry I didn’t wake you and tell you,” I whispered. “I only wanted to help when he asked.”
When I pulled back more, Kota’s eyes were closed. It looked like he was having trouble regulating his breathing. “I’m sorry I was angry,” he said quietly.
I thought that would be it. I backed off a half step to give him room.
Kota leapt at me. His arms encircled me around my shoulders and drew me in, hugging me close.
Stunned, I sucked in a breath, inhaling his spicy cologne. My fingers traced the fibers of the school uniform jacket. I pressed my face into his chest. The strength I had used to help ward off the shaking and nervousness suddenly gone. I began to shake.
He raised a hand to the back of my head, holding me to him. “Not yet, sweetie. Don’t break on me now.” He lowered his head, nuzzling his nose against my forehead. “Sang, I need you.”
I breathed in another wave of his cologne and nodded against his chest. I wiped at my eyes. “Sorry.”
“You’re not sorry,” he said in a quiet voice. He dropped his nose against my cheek, and then tilted is head.
His lips met with my cheek, close to my jaw.
I shuddered hard, and gripped tightly to his jacket. His lips lingered on my face, as if he wanted to stay in that moment for a long time. He pulled his head back and planted another kiss on my cheek, close to my ear.
“Promise me next time you’ll tell me where you’re going?” he whispered.
“I promise.”
He breathed heavily against my ear, holding to me tighter. His fingers drew in the material of the shirt I wore. He balled it up into his hands, and then released it to grip at my back again. “I’
ll never regret having bumped into you,” he said, “but some days I wished I’d kept you to myself.”
Before I could ask anything or reply, he took my hand and his lips met with my cheek again. He kissed me once more and then backed away. His eyes were closed and he turned, as if trying to find some control.
“Kota,” I said quietly. My heart fluttered. I found my lips moving before I could stop myself. “Let’s go home,” I said. “Let’s skip today and go sleep. Let’s ...”
He stiffened, his hands clenching into fists that he loosened and then re-clenched. “Sweetie, I want to. I really want to, but we can’t. We have to stay here. I swear, if it wasn’t for Mr. Hendricks ...”
I understood. I reached out for his hand. “Sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be,” he said. He squeezed my hand. “Let’s get this over with. I’ll make it up to you. Tonight, for your real birthday, you can sleep. You can paint everyone’s fingernails. We’ll buy more cupcakes.”
He let go of me, and then shrugged off his jacket. He held it out, urging me to put it on. I did, feeling the warmth of his body still in the material. I’d never worn their faux school uniform. This felt like it meant something to him. Once I had it on, he tugged the collar around my neck, drawing me in.
He kissed my cheek. It surprised me. I don’t know how, but I’d imagined before he’d wanted to kiss me and then he used to hesitate like he didn’t want to. And now when I kissed his cheek, it was like I’d unleashed something in him, like I’d done to Victor. Now he couldn’t kiss me enough. And I couldn’t get enough. Every little peck was too short.
He backed his head up. “We’ll do what you want. Just try to make it through today. Okay?”
I nodded and reshuffled my book bag on my shoulders. I forced myself to find some courage to face the rest of the day.
Kota needed me.
TOO CLOSE FOR NORTH’S COMFORT
The moment I settled into my second period class with North and Nathan, the overhead speaker in the class interrupted the attendance roll call.
