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Nathan’s name caught on my lips. I don’t know why, probably because he was the last one I saw. I heard my voice calling out to him, in such a terrified sound that hearing it caused me to convulse with sobs all over again.
Karen let go of me, stepping back and holding out her hands. “Okay, okay. I’ll go get Nathan. Hang on. Don’t move. Don’t go anywhere.” She spotted my phone on the ground, and picked it up. The screen was shattered. She stabbed at the surface.
She was calling someone. This was good. This set my raging emotions to still a little. I wanted to cover myself. I grabbed at my gym shirt, pulling it to my body. Getting it over my head was too much at the moment. The best I could do was use it as a shield.
I’d broken my phone. Victor...
“Nathan? It’s Karen. Sang’s hurt. We’re... No, it was Jade. She won’t tell me what’s wrong with her, but she’s crying. I can’t get near her. She won’t let me.”
Karen continued to talk and I tried to follow. When she started a sentence, I was with her, but by the end, I forgot what she said at the beginning for the whole thing to make sense.
Another broken hour-minute seemed to pass.
“Sang?” Nathan called out.
“Over here!” Karen stepped out of the stall. “She’s here.”
My face was overheating, as all I could focus on was that I was naked. I hated it. I hated Jade so much. I hated that Nathan was going to see me like this. This made me cry harder.
But when Nathan’s face floated into my vision, his serious blue eyes were the only things I could see. He cupped at my face. “Sang,” he said, though I think he was shouting. Volume was hard to detect. “Look at me. Calm down. What’s wrong?”
“Jade,” I said. It was all I could get out before I forgot what he asked me.
“Jade attacked her,” Karen said.
That was right! I nodded my head harder and hiccupped on a sob.
Nathan tugged at the shirt I was clutching. I resisted, not wanting him to see, but he knocked my hand out of the way. I watched his eyes instead, but he focused hard on the shirt. “Help me get her clothes back on.”
I knew this was what I wanted, but for some reason, I really didn’t want Karen. I didn’t understand it. Maybe it was because I knew Nathan better.
It took every ounce of focus I had to resist pulling away as Karen held up my arms while Nathan tugged the shirt onto my body. He fixed the torn bra up over my breasts quickly before he pulled the hem of the shirt down. For some reason, I was okay with this. He had touched my breasts, but it was fine. This was Nathan. Nathan took care of me.
I wanted to kiss him.
When Nathan picked me up by the waist. Karen fixed my shorts so quickly I didn’t have a chance to protest.
Nathan lifted me and I was dizzy, but I was in his arms.
It was going to be okay.
SICK
The whole world spun. In the car, I was leaning so far back, I could only see blue and trees as we passed. I heard Nathan’s voice. No Kota. No other boys.
“Hang in there, Sang,” Nathan said. He repeated this a lot. “Stay with me.”
“I know that,” I said. My brain gears had slowed a little, the panic started to subside, but just a little. Probably because I was with Nathan, and that meant everything would be okay. I had to spill everything I knew. “Jade.”
“I know it was Jade, sweetie. What did she do?”
“I swallowed a pill. I didn’t mean to.”
“What pill?”
I didn’t know but something Rocky said clicked. “Maybe JH14.”
“She had it?”
“Jade had it.”
“So it was a pill? Don’t cry any more, Sang. If it’s the same stuff North took, it’ll go away.”
I didn’t realize I was still crying. I lifted my hand, touching my face, feeling the wetness on my cheek. “She pulled my hair. I didn’t mean to swallow the pill. I couldn’t stop her. She touched...” I knew what I wanted to say, but saying it made me rock back again with sobs.
“What did she touch, Sang?”
My hands slid over my body. In my dazzled mind, showing felt easier than talking about it. I covered my breasts with my arm, my legs crossed and I shoved a hand over my crotch, as if shielding it. I told myself over and over that this was how I should have stopped her.
“Hang on, Sang,” he said. “I’m taking you home. We’re going to stay there. Dr. Green is on the way. I was going to take you to the hospital, but he said to take you to your house. I told the others. They’ll find Jade.”
Another broken minute-hour later, Nathan stopped the car in front of my house. He opened the passenger door, and caught me as I leaned out, trying to get out myself. He lifted me until I was cradled into him. I got dizzy again until I was planted on the rough orange couch in the family room.
Nathan hovered over me. He placed a hand on my forehead. "How’re you feeling?" he asked.
"Dizzy," I said.
"Was it just one pill?"
"It felt like it. She shoved it into my mouth with her tongue so I'm not sure..."
Nathan's eyes went wide. "She did what?"
I tried telling Nathan everything. It was hard because I lost focus a lot, but when I paused he would ask the right question to guide me back. “I think she might be the one who drugged Marie.”
"Shit." He roughed his fingers over the side of his neck. His eyes swung this way and that and it made me too dizzy to follow. “Don’t worry, Sang. We’ll get her. We’ll figure it out.”
I didn't like this. I didn’t want him looking so lost like he did now. Now that we were home and the school and Jade was behind us, I didn't want to think about it anymore. Nathan was here in front of me. I wanted the memory and the taste of Jade to disappear. I caught Nathan's hand, guiding it to my mouth. "I don't care anymore," I said.
Nathan grunted. "You do care."
I wanted to prove him wrong. I took his forefinger and nipped at the knuckle. I opened his palm, breathing in the Cypress and leather. I kissed his palm, slowly. I did it again. Kissing was awkward for me, not just because of inexperience, but also my sudden lack of coordination.
Nathan tugged lightly at his hand. "Stop, Sang. We shouldn't do this now."
I groaned. "It's the dumbest rule ever."
"What are you talking about?"
"No one will kiss me." I couldn't believe I was saying this out loud, but my lips wouldn’t stop. North once said the same thing, about having no control over what you were saying. "You were going to and you always stop. Is it because I'm just a friend? We can sleep in the same bed and bite fingers but we can't do anything else? Or is it really the rule? You didn’t want to break the rules?"
"Peanut?" Nathan sat on the edge of the couch, hovering over me until his face was close. "What are you saying?”
Was I slurring? "I know there's some rule. You can't kiss me. At least on the mouth. It’s stupid.”
Nathan's eyes, which had been so dark before, took on a lighter glow. "Are you telling me you want to?"
"I thought you did. Am I wrong? Or do you really get into trouble?"
"Sang," Nathan pulled my hands into his. "It’s not... It’s complicated..."
I leaned up, following his lip movement and zeroed in on his mouth, kissing him.
I tried to move my lips like Dr. Green had done. I kept my lips pressed to his, not wanting to give him a chance to escape. I’d do it first if that’s what Dr. Green said I had to do.
Nathan’s hands slowly released mine, and slid up to frame my face. He held me still for a moment. His lips puckered against mine, but it wasn’t like Dr. Green. He just stayed still.
And with a strong and steady tug, he drew my head away.
“Not now, Sang,” he said, the tone of his voice deepening. He traced his fingers along my cheeks.
I started to sniffle, the tears starting up again. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want me to. It broke through all those fears I’d been hanging onto.
No one really wanted me.
Nathan’s eyes darkened. “No, Peanut. I don’t want to kiss you like this. You’ll hate me later.”
“I don’t hate you. I don’t.” I repeated, determined to prove it to him. I never wanted him to think it was possible that I could.
