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“Aren’t you two adorable?” Joanie yells into the back of my head.
She’s obviously drunk. I should ignore her, but I’m so tired of her shit. I turn around and look her in the eye so she knows I know she’s there. Then I turn back to Adam and kiss him—hard this time.
I can hear her cackling behind me and I break away before I round on her. “Fuck off, Joanie!”
“You sure moved on quickly. What would Chris think?”
I take a step forward to get in her face and Adam’s hands lock around my arms. “Chris and I aren’t together anymore!”
“You know what I’m talking about!”
The song ends and she smiles as she spins around, cups her hands over her mouth, and shouts, “CHRIS! CLAIRE GAVE YOUR BABY UP FOR ADOPTION!”
The room is dead silent as Chris’s eyes dart over the crowd toward Joanie’s voice and lock on me. I’m frozen. This can’t be happening.
Then Adam’s hands fall away from my arms and I know I’m alone. I’m more alone in this moment than I have ever been in my life, with the weight of hundreds of eyes pressing in on me.
Chapter Twenty
Relentless Decisions
Before anybody can stop me, I dart for the exit. I dodge Senia as she reaches for me, pushing aside anyone who gets in my way. I need to get out of here. I burst through the exit onto Blount Street and the rain pours down on me, giving new meaning to the name Pour House.
I glance up and down the street, trying to figure out which direction we came from the hotel, but I can’t see anything I recognize through the relentless rain. It doesn’t matter. I probably won’t be staying at the hotel tonight anyway. Adam won’t want anything to do with me after this.
I take off in the direction we came from the restaurant and race past Bida Manda. I’ve taken no more than ten steps before someone grabs my wrist and spins me around, but it’s not who I expect.
It’s Chris.
“Oh, God,” I whimper.
It’s happening. The day I’ve been dreading for almost a year.
“What the fuck?” he shouts, looking as confused as I felt the day I found out I was pregnant. “Claire, please tell me it’s not true.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper over and over. “I’m so sorry.”
I’m only vaguely aware of the crowd forming around us. The hands are everywhere, reaching for me, reaching for him. Suddenly, we’re both being pulled away. My feet leave the pavement and I’m floating toward an open car door. I’m stuffed inside and the door is slammed shut. The tires squeal as the car drives off.
I look to my right and Chris is leaning forward with his hands clutching his hair. “How could you do this to me?”
“I was scared and I didn’t want to ruin your life.”
“After everything we went through.” He shakes his head, but he still won’t look at me.
I don’t know what’s worse, knowing that Chris knows or knowing that Adam knows and I can’t be there with him to explain.
“You need to take me back.”
“They’ll mob you.”
“I don’t care. My friends are there.”
He finally sits up and glares at me. “I don’t get it. We talked about having kids.”
“When we were older. Not now. We weren’t ready. You think if you’d had a choice you would have chosen to start a family and give up everything you’ve worked for?”
“I didn’t have a choice!”
The anguish in his voice makes the hair on my arms stand up and the tears come faster than the rain. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I’m not sorry that you got to live your dream.” He watches the tears rolling down my face and I can feel him getting anxious. “I saw you tonight; all those girls screaming and crying for you. You can’t tell me you’d give all that up to be stuck with me in some fucking suburb in Raleigh with a mortgage and a screaming baby? That’s not what you wanted then and it’s definitely not what you want now.”
“You’re crazy if you think I’d rather have this.” He moves toward me and I don’t flinch when he takes my face in his hands and brushes the tears from my cheeks. Not even a little. “You don’t know me at all if you think I’d rather lose you and my child.”
The palms of his hands are warm against my damp skin, but his fingers are calloused from strumming those steel guitar strings. Suddenly, I’m back in my bedroom at the Knight house where Chris left me over a year ago.
“You know we’re both going to regret this,” he says as he cradles my face in his hands.
“I know, but I don’t care.”
He kisses me and my entire body relaxes as I lie back on my bed. This is what Chris and I are meant for and I need it just one more time before it’s over. I need to feel him moving inside me. I need to feel the weight of him on top of me. I need to feel safe with him one last time.
He lays his palms flat on either side of my head then runs his tongue over my top lip. A chill passes through me and pulses between my legs.
He pulls his head back and looks me in the eye. “I love you, Claire. I’ll never stop loving you.”
I grab the back of his neck and pull him to me. I wrap my legs around his waist and he grinds against me. There are too many layers of clothing between us. I reach for the button on his jeans and he moves my hand away as he kisses my neck.
“Slow down. We have all night.”
His hand slides under my shirt as he gently sucks on my earlobe. I lift my back so he can undo my bra. I hastily peel off my tank top and bra then toss them aside. His fingers move lightly over my stomach until he reaches my breast. I draw in a sharp breath as his mouth covers my nipple. He licks me slowly and torturously, moving from one breast to the other as his hands unbutton my shorts. I lift my hips so he can pull them off, but he leaves my panties on. He takes his shirt and jeans off and tosses them onto the floor before he settles himself between my thighs again.
I can feel him stiff between my legs as his bare chest slides over my breasts. He kisses me and I gasp as his tongue parts my lips and thrusts inside my mouth. I clutch handfuls of his hair to keep his head still. I don’t want him to move. I don’t want to ever stop kissing him.
He grinds himself against me and my panties are soaked with the need to have him inside me. “Please, Chris,” I whisper against his lips.
He kisses my neck as his lips travel down to the hollow of my throat. His tongue traces a line straight down my center until his face is between my thighs. He pulls my panties off and pauses for a moment. I look down to see what he’s doing and he’s staring at me.
“I’m going to miss this,” he says, before he kisses me so lightly I can barely feel it.
His fingers part my flesh and he kisses me tenderly, teasing me with feather soft licks. The pleasure builds inside me and I grip the blanket underneath me to keep from writhing.
“Oh, Chris,” I moan.
His tongue flicks and torments me into a frenzy and soon I find my release as my body convulses with ecstasy. He lays a soft trail of kisses over my belly and kisses each of my breasts before his mouth is on mine again. He kisses me tenderly and I can feel tears coming as I think of how much I’m going to miss him when he’s gone.
He pulls his head back and looks down. His boxer briefs are gone and we both watch as he enters me slowly, my mouth opening wide in a silent gasp. I wrap my legs around his waist, beckoning him farther inside.
He takes his time, sinking in and out of me with the ease of a boat bobbing on a calm sea. That’s what I am right now. I am a calm sea because the storm hasn’t arrived yet. I know everything will be different when Chris leaves, but right now I want to enjoy this small sliver of peace.
He kisses the tears as they slide down my temples. I tighten my arms around his shoulders and crush my lips against his as he comes inside me.
He’s kissing me and I can feel his new lip piercing rubbing against my upper lip.
I push him hard in the chest and he falls back into his seat. “What a
re you doing?” I shriek.
Chris looks confused and I feel horrible. “Claire, I miss us. I still think about you every day.”
“Don’t do this.”
“And you know what I think about? I think about how I can have any girl I want, except for you. How fucked up is that? Why are you doing this to me?”
“Everything’s always about you. You left to pursue your dreams and, yes, I encouraged you to do it—heck, I wanted you to do it and I’m proud of you—but you never stopped to consider what you were leaving behind. You never thought of what it would do to me to lose my best friend and the one person who made me feel safe. You didn’t take me into your home five years ago, Chris; you were my home. When I lost you, I lost everything.”
He looks at me and I can feel the regret pulsing in waves off both of us, like two magnets repelling each other. “I’m going to get you back if it kills me.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat because I know this isn’t an empty promise. Chris gets what he wants. Always.
“Can you ask the driver to take me to 500 Fayetteville.”
The car pulls up in front of the hotel entrance a few minutes later and the months of regret and agony we’ve both suffered is heavy between us. I wish I could reach across and tell him we’re going to be together forever, like I once believed, but so much has changed.
