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“I’ll pay your housing for the next semester,” Chris offers. “Not just Claire’s half. I’ll pay it all.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll pay it,” I say, watching Senia for her response, but her eyes are locked on Claire.
“It’s not the money,” Senia insists. “My dad will cover Claire’s half.”
All I can do is watch in silence as Claire contemplates her options. “I don’t want to leave you alone,” she says to Senia.
After everything Senia and I discussed last night, I just want to yell at her to put Claire out of her misery. I wait a moment before I open my mouth to say something, but Senia beats me to it. “I’m pregnant.”
Claire is frozen, stunned, for a moment before she looks back and forth between Senia and me. “How? You and Eddie have been broken up for three months.”
Ugh. I can’t stand that guy’s name. Sounds like a fucking sleazy truck driver.
Senia’s shoulders slump as she shrinks in her seat. “It’s not Eddie’s.”
Claire is confused until Senia nods toward me. “When? What the hell’s going on?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you because of everything going on with Abigail,” Senia continues. “It was just a one-night thing a few weeks ago and, we were careful, but I didn’t get my period last week.”
She just lied to Claire and said we used protection. I try not to laugh out loud at this.
“Wait a minute. A few weeks ago?” Claire replies. “Thanksgiving was two weeks ago. I thought you were going to tell him to stop texting you.”
“We ran into each other at Yogurtland and it just sort of happened. I didn’t give him my number. I mean, I’m not stupid.”
“Hey!” I interject. “How about a little gratitude for the guy whose seed is sprouting inside of you?”
“Ew,” Senia replies without looking at me. “That’s why I was wondering how he got my number and texted me on Thanksgiving. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it, but I was ashamed of myself for giving in. I was feeling so shitty because Eddie kept texting and calling. I just wanted to do something to take my mind off of him.”
I suppress my feelings about hearing his trashy name as I softly lay my hand on the back of her neck. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart.”
As expected, she pushes my hand off. “Stop it.”
I smile as I lean back, but the look on Chris’s face quickly wipes the smile off mine. He looks like he did the day he ran into Claire at The Pour House in Downtown Raleigh; the day he found out that Claire had been keeping the worst kind of secret a person can keep from him. He shoots up from the table and heads for the exit.
I stand up to go after him, but Claire puts her hand out to stop me. “Not now.”
Watching her chase after Chris, I try not to get upset when I realize that Chris needs her more than he needs his best friend. He always has.
I take a seat in the booth and Senia is looking at me with an expression on her face that looks slightly like admiration. “What?”
She smiles and sighs softly. “You’re a good friend.”
I roll my eyes because this topic makes me feel uncomfortable. No one – not even Chris – knows that he basically saved me from a life of crime and drugs when he asked me if I wanted to start a band.
“No, don’t do that. Don’t belittle it. You’re a good friend,” she insists, then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before she continues. “And you’ll make a great father.”
I stare at the table for a moment, lost in thoughts of what it will be like to hold a human being that I made in my hands. I can write a song and I can play it until my fingers bleed, but I can’t carry music in my hands. I can’t touch it or smell it. I can’t give it my heart.
I look up and her gaze meets mine. “Move in with me. Let me take care of you.”
Her mouth hangs open at the sound of my words. I reach forward and lift her chin with my finger to close her mouth. She pulls my hand away from her chin and I smile as her mouth drops open again.
“I … I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why? I’m not far from campus and you won’t have to worry about telling your parents about the baby until you’re ready.”
“Not far from campus? You’re at least thirty minutes from UNC. Besides, living with you is not something I would consider a smart decision.”
“I’m not asking you to move in so we can have worry-free sex all day long. I’m asking because you need someone to take care of you now that Claire is moving out.”
“Can you ever be serious? Is that really your best attempt at convincing me to move in with you?”
I reach forward and she flinches a little as I take her hand. “You need to stop being so stuck in your head and just learn to go with the flow. We all know you’re smart and independent. We get it. How about you show us you’re willing to let go of your pride and do whatever it takes for your baby?” She looks slightly offended by this, so I add one more bit of information in my attempt to convince her. “I promise to keep my hands to myself … if you do.”
She chews on her bottom lip as she contemplates this proposal. It takes everything in me not to brush her hair aside and kiss those lips. Finally, she smiles. “You like me.”
“What?”
“I see the way you’re looking at me. You don’t just want my golden egg. You want the whole goose. You. Like. Me.”
I chuckle at this
comparison. “I’m not sure if you’re referring to the baby or your pussy as a golden egg, but, either way, let’s keep this to ourselves. Yes, I want you. Yes, I … like you.”
She shakes her head, but she’s still smiling. “Okay. I’ll move in with you.”
Chapter Fifteen
I lie awake the whole night wondering if I’ve gotten myself into something that will undo me. I’ve never lived with a girlfriend – not that Senia’s my girlfriend. Yet. I’ve lived with Molly and Grandma most of my life, so I know about all the weird and gross things girls do in the privacy of their homes, but I’ve never actually lived with someone who wasn’t related to me – unless you count the summer before seventh grade when I lived with Elaine, but I never count that.
By the time I show up at Grandma’s house at 9 a.m. on Sunday morning, I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open. Entering the house, I’m greeted by the clanging of dishes in the kitchen. I close the door softly then head for the kitchen to surprise her.
The sight of her washing the breakfast dishes makes me sad. She shouldn’t have to do any cleaning during the last months of her life. I’m hiring her a maid tomorrow.
“Grandma?”
She whips her head around at the sound of my voice and she sighs with relief. “Oh, I’m so happy to see you.”
I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek before I take a seat at the breakfast table. “Why are you so happy to see me?”
She sighs again, but this time it’s a heavy sigh weighed down by something I’m sure I don’t want to hear. “Molly came home late last night and she was drunk. I’m so worried about her. I tried to talk to her and tell her that we still have a lot of time to be together, but she was so out of it when I put her to bed. I don’t know if she heard anything I said. She’s still sleeping. I want to give her some time to sleep it off before I try to talk to her again.”
“I’ll talk to her,” I offer, gritting my teeth against the sudden urge I have to barge into Molly’s room and shake some sense into her. “It’s my fault she thinks it’s okay to do that. I’ll take care of it.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Don’t worry about it; just sit down,” I say, grabbing her hand as she reaches for a clean towel to dry the dishes she just washed. She purses her lips as I pull her away from the sink so she can sit at the table with me. “I have some news for you.”
“Well, it better be good. I’m not sure how much more bad news a woman in my condition can take.”
“It’s better than good.” I keep a tight grip on her hand as I lean forward on my elbows and look her in the eye. “I’m having a baby.”
Her eyebrows scrunch up and I can’t tell if she’s confused or if she’s going to cry. “Are you pulling my leg, because this is not funny?”
“No, I’m not joking. Are you not happy?”
She swallows hard and then the tears come and she quickly covers her face.
“Grandma, are you okay?”
She nods her head as she reaches for a napkin in the center of the table. She dabs the corners of her eyes and I start to worry that maybe I was wrong. Maybe she doesn’t want me to have a baby. Maybe she thinks I’m not ready.
What the fuck was I thinking? Of course she thinks I’m not ready.
She stops wiping at her face with the napkin, even though her eyes are still tearing. “When?”
I let out a small sigh. “Not for a while. She’s only a few weeks along. But I know you can make it.” My voice sounds garbled as my throat begins to close. “I
