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I draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah, she needed me. Sometimes, there are…” My mouth goes dry as I realize I can’t say the words aloud. I can’t say there are more important things than surfing. “Family comes first, you know?”
She leans forward. “But what about the fans? What about the thrill? Do you think you’ll miss that when you retire?”
I glance at the director and make a timeout signal. “What’s going on here? I never said I was retiring.”
The director looks confused. “Well, everyone retires at some point. I don’t think she was implying you’re retiring soon.”
I look to Effie for confirmation and she raises her eyebrows. “I need you to clarify that in your question. I have sponsors who will want that clarified.”
She nods. “Absolutely.” She motions to the camera man to roll tape, then she leans forward again the way she was before I interrupted. “Adam, there are rumors flying all over Facebook and the blogosphere. People are in an uproar over the possibility that you may be considering retirement. Is there any truth to these rumors, or is it just a bunch of hogwash, as Pete Hillman of Channel Islands Surfboards, one of your biggest sponsors, has said?”
I clear my throat to try to stall for time, but I feel the fiery panic rising inside me along with the bile in my stomach. “I’m… I’m not retiring,” I reply. “The rumors are just that, rumors.” I turn back to the director. “Can we change the subject?”
He shoots Effie a look and she moves on to asking me about my diet and training regimen. She finishes up by asking if I have any advice for the young surfers coming up after me, and once again I go blank.
After a brief pause, I reply, “Learn how to fail gracefully, then get up and try again.”
An hour-long photo shoot follows the interview. I cringe inside when the photographer asks me to take a bunch of cheesy photos in the backyard and in the workshop standing next to Ripped. After the shoot, the crew packs away their gear into the two vans they showed up in.
Effie meets me at the front door to say good-bye. “Sorry if any of that made you uncomfortable. We were just trying to ask what the fans want to know. They’re gonna miss you, you know, if you do retire.” She smiles and pats my arm. “Take care, Adam.”
As I watch her get into the van, I think of the suspension hearing where Brad Wilson came to my aid as a character witness when the disciplinary committee was conducting their investigation into the incident with Carlos at the hotel in Peniche. I didn’t fight my way to the top all year to get suspended before the final event. And I sure as fuck didn’t train for twenty years just to retire when I’m at the top of my game. All I can think as I watch Effie’s van drive off is how much I want to get high.
* * *
I knock on Yuri’s door and I’m not surprised when Lena answers, but I am surprised to see her in a bikini. “Are you going to the beach?” I ask.
She looks at me like I’m crazy. “At six o’clock in the evening in December? Do you think I want to get bit by another shark?”
I laugh, stepping inside as she holds the door open for me. “So you just walk around the house in a bikini all day, or what?”
“I’m trying on some new suits.” She closes the door behind me. “Go ahead and have a seat. I’ll go get some clothes on.”
“Where’s Yuri?” I call out as she disappears into the hallway.
“He’s still at the shop!” she shouts back. “Doing inventory. He’ll be back late tonight.”
I take a seat on the brown leather sofa in their living room, smiling when I see the grinder and Lena’s vape pen on the coffee table. She’s way ahead of me.
She walks in wearing a Billabong T-shirt and some gray leggings. “How’d the interview go?” she asks, grabbing the TV remote as she takes a seat next to me on the sofa.
I lean back and run my hand through the four-inch mop of hair on my head. “Terrible. I had to ask them to change the subject twice because of the retirement questions.”
She waves this off as she reaches for her vape pen. “Every surfer over the age of thirty deals with the same questions when they hit top ten. Don’t let it get to you. Just keep shutting them up by winning titles.”
I shake my head. “No, you don’t get it. The rumors are true. Lindsay asked me to quit after this tour.”
Lena cocks an eyebrow as she tucks a nugget into the end of the vaporizer. “You’re retiring?”
I lean forward so I can look her straight in the eye. She’s my trainer and, technically, she works for me. I can’t be a prick. I have to be honest with her.
“I don’t want to retire, but I don’t see any other way. I can’t leave Lindsay for weeks at a time while I’m on tour.” I glance at the vape pen in her hand, then back up at her. “And Kaia’s doing so well at this new school. She won this contest a few weeks ago. She had to draw a picture of what she wanted to be when she grew up.”
Lena smiles. “Aw… what did my girl draw?”
“She drew a picture of me surfing, and under the description she wrote that when she grows up she wants to be famous for doing something she loves, just like me.” I look Lena in the eye and her face softens when she hears this story. “I can’t retire, Lena. I can’t let my little girl down. I can’t let myself down. Especially if I come in second this year. If I quit right after that, I’ll always wonder, ‘What if?’”
Lena nods. “You have to tell Lindsay. You two have to come to a compromise. Like, maybe you can take a year or two off, or maybe you’ll quit in a few years. There’s gotta be a way for you both to get what you want. That’s what marriage is about, right? Compromise?”
I smile at this. “Have you talked to Yuri about having kids yet? Have you two come up with a compromise?”
“Yuri and I aren’t married.”
“Lena, you have to be able to follow the advice you dish out.”
She rolls her eyes. “Maybe we should just get high.”
I laugh as I reach for the vaporizer. “Give me that.”
She pulls her hand back so I can’t reach it. “I was just kidding,” she replies. “You can’t toke. You told me not to let you toke.”
“I changed the rules. Give it to me,” I say as she hides the pen behind her back. “Don’t make me fight you for it. I’m pretty good at wrestling girls. I’ve even let a few of them beat me.”
“How gentlemanly,” she replies, laughing as she tries to stuff the pen between the cushions.
I reach behind her, jamming my hand under the cushion and digging around. “Where’d you put it?”
She laughs uncontrollably as she pulls her hand out from behind her back, revealing that the pen is still in her hand. “It’s right here.”
I reach for the vaporizer, but I lose my balance and end up falling on top of her. I quickly pull myself up with one hand on the cushion
and one on the arm of the sofa. When I right myself, my face is hovering just inches above hers. Her smile fades as I look into her eyes.
The front door opens, and I’ve never moved so fast in my life. I try to stand up and appear as though everything is normal, but the look on Yuri’s face tells me that either I didn’t stand up fast enough, or the look on my face tells him everything he needs to know.
“What the fuck is going on here?” he says, his voice an octave higher than normal.
“Dude, nothing’s going on. Lena was just trying to keep me from smoking. She was just trying to be a good friend.”
Yuri looks even more confused and angry with this response. “Trying to be a good friend? Is that what you call making out with my girlfriend?”
I laugh for a split second, before I realize this is a bad time for laughter. “Bro, you could not be further from the truth. We were nowhere in the vicinity of making out. I literally was trying to take the vaporizer from her hand when you walked in. That’s it. Right, Lena?” I turn to Lena and she looks horrified as she leans forward and places the pen on the coffee table. “Tell him, Lena.”
Lena stands up. “It was nothing,” Lena assures Yuri as she makes her way toward him. “It’s like Adam said. He was just trying to get the pen out of my grasp and, yeah, there was kind of an awkward moment, but nothing.”
I close my eyes and let out a deep breath through my nose as she reveals this information. I know it’s the truth, but Yuri probably would have believed her if she had left the “awkward moment” part out.
Jesus Christ. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“An awkward moment?” Yuri repeats Lena’s words. “What the fuck does that mean? Did you kiss him? Did you kiss my best friend?”
“No!” Lena shouts, pressing her hands against his chest as it begins to look like he’s ready to charge me. “No, I did not kiss him. Nothing happened.”
“It sure didn’t fucking look like nothing from where I was standing outside that window!” Yuri says, pointing at the front window that looks into the living room. He turns to me with cold fury in his eyes. “Get the fuck out of my house.”
