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Before I even read her description, I get a knot in my throat. Her drawing is of a blue ocean wave with a blond-haired man on a surfboard. I find it both funny and adorable that she made me blond. The description under the drawing says: “When I grow up, I want to be famous for doing something I love.” I think of my mom’s words to me not so long ago. You won’t be a good father, or a good example, to your daughters if you’re miserable.
“Do you like it?” Kaia asks tentatively.
“No, baby, I don’t like it,” I reply, and her face falls. “I love it. It’s perfect.”
She laughs as I pick her up in my arms and squeeze her tightly. “Okay, Daddy. That’s enough, you’re embarrassing me.”
I laugh as I set her down on the floor, grabbing her hand before we head back outside into the rain. “You know what’s embarrassing?”
“What?” she says, flinching when a drop of rain lands on her cheek as she looks up at me.
I deactivate the car alarm as we near the truck. “I was expecting a really important phone call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow,” I reply, reaching up to pinch her chin so I can take a look at her missing tooth as I finish the joke. “When I woke up, my phone was gone. Darn that Bluetooth fairy.”
She narrows her eyes at me, trying not to laugh, but she can’t hold it in. “That’s a bad joke, Dad. I know the tooth fairy is just you and Mommy.”
I gasp at her accusation as I open the passenger door for her. “What? That’s nonsense. The tooth fairy is very much real. Just as real as the Bluetooth fairy.”
We arrive at the house to find Lillian fixing Mila something to eat in the kitchen. Kaia heads upstairs to do her homework in her bedroom and I set off to the new master bedroom to find Lindsay. When I enter, she’s lying in bed on her side with her back to the door. As I approach, I realize she’s reading something on her iPad. I lie next to her on the bed, but I nearly jump out of my skin when Finn comes walking out of the bathroom.
“Oh, sorry, man,” he says when he sees my startled expression. “I’m just cleaning up. I’ll be out of your hair in a few minutes.”
As soon as he’s gone, I glance over at Lindsay, but she’s still engrossed in whatever she’s reading on her tablet. “Have you been in the room with him the whole time?”
“Are you talking to me?” she asks as she turns a page on her eBook.
“Who else would I be talking to? Yes, I’m talking to you.”
She’s silent for a moment as she presumably finishes reading whatever passage she’s on, then she slowly turns her head to look at me. “Yes, while you were gone all day, I’ve been in here resting and answering Finn’s questions while my mom has been out there taking care of Mila.”
The idea of her being alone in our bedroom with another man all day long makes my blood boil. “You were answering his questions? How the fuck were you answering his questions without me? You don’t know anything about construction.”
She turns over carefully onto her other side to face me. “What are you accusing me of, Adam? Because you’re the one who’s never home anymore. What the fuck are you doing out there, huh?”
“You’re the one who cheated on me!”
“Ten years ago!”
“Ten years, ten hours. It’s all the fucking same to me.”
Her lip trembles as she attempts to hold back tears. “Get out.”
“Oh, what? Now you’re kicking me out of the bedroom again? Is that so you can fuck Finn in private?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m almost eight fucking months pregnant. Do you really think anyone on this planet, other than you, would want to have sex with me right now? I’m a whale!”
I shake my head. “You’re not a fucking whale. You’re gorgeous. Did you see the way that motherfucker was looking at you before I took Kaia to school this morning?”
She curls up and closes her eyes as she starts to cry. “I’m huge. Even you didn’t want to have sex with me last night. I hate the way I look. I can’t even eat. I make myself sick.”
“Have you eaten today?”
She opens her eyes, but she doesn’t look at me or answer my question.
“Lindsay, you have to eat when you’re pregnant.” I lie down on my side, propping myself up on one elbow as I lift her chin up. “Baby, you’re fucking gorgeous right now, and that’s no bullshit. I didn’t want to have sex last night because I was afraid I was hurting the babies, but you better believe I jerked it in the guest bathroom while thinking about you.”
She smiles reluctantly. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“I’m not lying. I stood over the toilet, one hand on the wall and the other stroking my soldier as I imagined pounding you from behind. Do you know how much I love the way your ass looks right now? When I think about your booty, I immediately think of an onion.”
This time she laughs. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that your ass reminds me of an onion, because it’s so fresh it makes me cry.”
She shakes her head. “Did you seriously just call my ass fresh?”
I nod as I brush a piece of hair out of her face. “As fresh as my jokes. Now that’s fresh.”
She closes her eyes as I plant a kiss on her forehead. “I think we should talk about—”
Lindsay’s interrupted by a knock on the open bedroom door.
“Is it okay if I just grab my tools?” Finn asks.
I sit up, stroking Lindsay’s hair as I reply, “Yeah, go ahead.”
She turns over and begins reading her book again. Once Finn is gone, I consider asking her what she wants to talk about, but I have a feeling she wants to discuss my retirement. And I definitely don’t want to talk about that. Especially not after the experience I had with Kaia today, an experience that won’t mean anything to Lindsay because she wasn’t there.
We both go through the motions, having dinner with Lillian and the kids, speaking to each other when necessary. I excuse Lillian to go home after dinner, then I do the dinner dishes and get the girls ready for bed while Lindsay takes a shower. By the time Kaia’s asleep and I lie down next to Lindsay again, her eyes are closed, but I can tell she’s still awake by the way her toes move under the covers. She has a weird habit of curling and uncurling her toes when she’s trying to fall asleep.
I turn off the bedside lamp and fold my arm around her waist. “Good night, baby.”
She doesn’t reply.
Fourteen
The film crew arrives at nine a.m. to get set up for the Surfline interview. I sit on the sofa in the living room, watching as they set up a half-dozen lights, changing the filters about a million different times. With Lindsay due in fifteen days, the last thing she wants to do right now is be filmed for a surfing interview, so she and the girls went to Lillian’s house. She’ll probably relax inside while Lillian takes the girls to the beach.
Effie Vanderbeek, the journalist who contacted me about doing the interview for Surfline magazine, is sitting across from me, skimming through her notes. She assured me they don’t really need Lindsay here for the interview. They just thought it would be nice since there are rumors flying around that I’ll be retiring after this year’s tour to spend more time with my family.
I don’t bother asking her where she heard those rumors. That kind of gossip spreads around the community fast whenever a surfer gets married or has kids. And with photographers following Lindsay and me around a lot more over the past few weeks, photographing us on our way to and from her doctor appointments, it’s only natural for people to deduce that she’s carrying more than one bun in the oven.
What I haven’t decided is whether I’m going to confirm the rumors. I’ve kept the peace with Lindsay over the past few weeks by assuring her that I’ve spoken with Andy and my other sponsors about the possibility of retirement, but we haven’t decided on an exit strategy yet. The truth is that I’ve only hinted to Andy that I might have to retire soon, though I’m pretty ce
rtain he took that to mean in a few years.
When all the cameras, dollies, lighting, and microphones are set up, they begin rolling tape on the interview and my throat feels as if it’s going to close up.
Effie smiles as she rests her perfectly manicured hands on her knee and crosses her legs. “Adam, what a whirlwind tour this has been for you,” she begins. “Did you have any clue, back in January when you took to the water in the first heat in Gold Coast, that you would do this well?”
I shake my head. “I had no clue. I’ve been fighting my way to the top for years. Finished sixth two years ago, twelfth last year… I guess it was just my time.”
“Well, you’re being kind of modest now, aren’t you? You were in the top ten three years ago as well. And two years ago, you were ranked fourth during most of the championship tour, until your daughter was born. Am I right?”
I grit my teeth and smile at this question. “Well, it wasn’t my daughter’s birth that made me lose rank. It was my decision to skip Peniche that did me in.”
She cocks an eyebrow at this response. “But you skipped Peniche to be with your pregnant wife, correct?”
