I hoped it would free me of my doubts and banish the ghosts haunting me,I was tempted to confess.Instead, I created a thousand more.
But I could not discuss this—not with anyone, and especially notwith her—so I tried to divert her with an accusatory question of my own. “Is that how you want to end every bloody fight we have until the end of this pathetic mortal existence?”
Rada turned still at my words, her starfire eyes fixed on me. Her voice took on that cold tone she reserved for the moments she was the angriest with me, the moments in which she wanted to make crystal clear that nothing remained between us. “I won’t need to. You’ll be gone from my life as soon as I am better.”
I took a deep breath. When she pushed me away, it only hardened my resolve to hold on to her.
“I could stay.”
A soft, nearly innocent offer of help. Only it wasn’t. It was something else entirely. Something I should never have dared to put into words. Something that pulsed between us, heavy and alive, making the kitchen, the entire house, feel too small.
Rada didn’t refuse right away. Instead, her face showed a sudden vulnerability as she looked up at me: the silver of her eyes hazy, her tongue darting out to wet her lips, all the ramped-up emotions from our fight morphing into a different kind of tension. I hadn’t imagined how her gaze had lingered when I had stepped out of the shower earlier.
I leaned closer, deluding myself into thinking I would be welcomed. Stars, I could already taste her, feel her heat against me. My body tensed up in wonderful anticipation, the distance between us shrinking, her eyes fluttering closed…
The icy bite of steel against my throat made me freeze an instant before our lips could meet.
“Oh no you don’t,” Rada hissed. “What do you think you are doing?”
My eyes darted to the gleaming kitchen knife in her grasp. I hadnot even noticed her draw it. But then, she had always been lightning-quick. And I had been more than a little preoccupied.
I tried to defend myself. “You looked like you wanted to be kissed.”
My words only fueled her ire into a storm, the knife biting into my skin as she growled, “Then check your fucking eyes.”
I didn’t back down, my own temper rising as I met her scorn head-on. The blade followed my movements, close to drawing blood but not yet breaking skin.
“Do you need that knife to keep me under control? Or yourself?” A soft whisper in the small space between us. “Oh, I know quite well why you are angry. You realized our little arrangement isn’t the chore you pretend it is. You realized youlikehaving me here.” I bent even closer, our lips only a breath apart. “And you’re tempted to agree to my offer to stay.”
Her beautiful face twisted, conflicting emotions racing over it. With a frustrated snarl, she lowered the knife and shoved against me. Sensing she had reached her breaking point, I let her go. I was prepared for her to either unleash her anger on me or hastily escape through the door.
She did neither. Instead, she took a deep breath, placed the knife back in the drawer, and said in an eerily calm tone, “There are still a few hours of daylight left. I’m going down into the cellar to work on the cheese.”
I stood motionless, my thoughts racing and my body ablaze with unfulfilled desire. Not two feet separated her from me, but it felt as if she were on the other side of the continent.
“You’re right,” I said hoarsely. I had to get out of here before I did something we’d both regret. Even if it felt like fleeing. “If you need me… I’ll be outside, mending that fucking fence.”
CHAPTER
17
THE GOLDEN DAYS OF LYRHEIM
1800 years after the making of Aron-Lyr
Rada
He is insufferable.” My eyes narrowed on the row of vibrant lilac flowers springing from the dark soil in front of me, their delicate petals dancing in the gentle breeze. “I cannot count how many times I have contemplated telling Aramaz this is a hopeless endeavor, and his brother is beyond anyone’s help.”
The gardens surrounding the King’s Hall were brimming with colorful flowers; roses, tulips, and daffodils bloomed everywhere, filling the air with their sweet fragrance. Majestic trees provided shade, their leaves whispering. A small brook gurgled happily at the edge of the garden, its crystal-clear water reflecting the azure sky above. The power of Tanez, the Aurea of Earth, was on full display here, in this sanctuary of peace. Unfortunately, I was too agitated to appreciate the beauty my friend had created as I accompanied her on her morning stroll.
I had just returned from my latest excursion to the Other with Belekoroz, his taunting voice still ringing in my ears, my face flushed with anger and an unfamiliar emotion I could not name. Somethinggreater than rage burned in my veins like wildfire, my heart beating hard and fast. It made me both dread and anticipate every one of our outings in a way I had shared with no one, not even my closest friend among my brethren. And certainly not with Aramaz.
“Mmm.” Tanez, clad in a beautiful green dress adorned with golden vines, lovingly caressed a slightly smaller flower, making it grow to match the others. “Might that have something to do with the fact that you don’t actually want to help him?” She gave me a knowing look.
Her statement held some truth, even if I had given little thought to my plan of exposing Belekoroz’s true nature recently. I knew it skirted close to treason, a direct defiance of Aramaz’s—and, I supposed, the Allfather’s—will, even if I had everyone’s best interests in mind.
“You can’t deny that Lyrheim—that Aron-Lyr would be safer without him,” I deflected, playing with the flower Tanez had improved.
