“Some say so, yes.” My friend tilted her head. “But do you want him gone from this world?”
The simple question caught me off guard. There was an answer in my heart I did not expect: a vehement denial, overwhelming in its intensity. My breath caught as fire flickered to life between my fingertips, reducing the exquisite flower beneath my touch to mere ashes. Tanez waved away my horrified apology with barely a glance at her ruined work, her green eyes fixed on me.
“Baradaz,” she said, her tone allowing no discussion. “What is really happening during these excursions with him? You always return in utter turmoil.”
I used the excuse of wiping my ash-stained fingers on the grass to avoid her piercing gaze. “He shows me the Other.” Realizing my explanation would not suffice, I added, “And as I said, he is brash and insolent about it.”
Tanez remained unconvinced. “That can’t be all.”
My gaze wandered over the green hills around us, so lush and inviting, a paradise we had created according to the Allfather’s wishes. Anyone should be content here, should be happy. Why was I irresistibly drawn to the darker plains of the Other? What compelled me to explore the unknown, despite its dangers?
“Have you ever come across something that fascinated you against all reason?” I asked. “Something you just needed to…” I swallowed hard, struggling to put my tumultuous emotions into words. “Needed to touch, needed to understand, despite knowing you should not, you cannot?”
“Something?” Tanez’s voice turned probing. “Or someone?”
A convenient denial refused to leave my lips, my mind consumed by vivid memories of venturing too close to the darkness, too close tohim.
When he hovered over my shoulder as we discovered something intriguing in the Other, his alluring scent teasing my nose. When he playfully tugged at a strand of my hair with a hoarse laugh after provoking me, unimpressed by my anger. When he smiled smugly after winning one of our breathless spirit races—a smile I longed to wipe off his face by pressing my lips against his, by letting my teeth sink into his flesh, by making him bleed.
The first time that insane urge arose, it caught me so off guard that I almost succumbed. Only an unfamiliar nervousness about his reaction held me back. I fought to suppress that strange desire, but no matter how hard I tried, it resurfaced at the most inopportune moments.
My conflicted thoughts must have been visible on my face, because Tanez furrowed her brow in worry. “Belekoroz is dangerous. You know that.”
I did know it. It was part of the reason I felt this inadvisable pull toward him. That and his cursed arrogance. How could I not desire to make him bend to me at least once? To shatter that vexing veneer of icy condescension into a thousand little pieces?
“Yes,” I breathed. “Yes, I do know that.”
“And that’s the problem, isn’t it?” Tanez shook her head in resigned disbelief, pulling me to a secluded area of the garden, hidden from sight by a dense thicket of green bushes. With a serious expression, she turned back to me, her dark hair gleaming in the sunlight, a vivid contrast to the white flower crown on her head. “Whatever allure you think he holds, whatever has caught your interest—this is a fire you should not touch. You will only burn yourself, and any fleeting pleasure you might find will not be worth the inevitable pain that will follow.”
I was sure my friend’s dire warning held a lot of merit. Unfortunately, my mind could only concentrate on one thing. “What kind of pleasure?”
“I am wasting my breath here, am I not?” Tanez sighed. “You never tasted the pleasures of the flesh with Aramaz, did you?”
“Well, no, we decided to wait until we are bound in the light of the Allfather.” I frowned, confused by the sudden change in topic. “Aramaz considered it wise to focus on our duties before indulging in any personal enjoyment. Giving in to the pleasures of this world too readily will weaken our connection to the realm of the Maker.”
“Like me and M’tar, you mean.” Tanez’s biting tone reminded me that my friend had been bound to her fellow Aurea of Earth for more than an age. Their relationship was famously tumultuous.
“Oh, I did not want to imply…”
Tanez shook her head at my attempt to soften my words. “I am quite aware of our mighty king’s opinion on the topic. Honestly, itwould do Aramaz good if he could relax a little on a few things.” She blew a strand of hair out of her face. “Not that I care about other people’s marital lives. Take my sister, for instance. She still thinks letting Sha’am chase her for a few millennia will give her some kind of power over him, although we all know she will give in eventually.” The Harvest Goddess shrugged, her lip twitching. “Perhaps she is even right.”
“Governing the same aspect in the name of the Allfather does not require a bond,” I said, still unsure of Tanez’s point. “Khiraz and Enlial consider each other siblings, and Ashur and Namtaz are friends, not lovers.” Although I suspected in the case of the two Aurea of Water, that was mostly due to Ashur’s yearning to remain completely free like the seas he ruled. “However, I can’t see how that is relevant…”
My disbelief prompted me to laugh as I finally caught on to what Tanez was implying.
“I do not desire Belekoroz!” I hissed, my voice dropping to a tense whisper. “I don’t evenlikehim.”
“One has little to do with the other,” Tanez said, unimpressed by my vehement denial. “You wouldn’t believe how often I curse M’tar’s stubbornness.” Her full lips lifted into a knowing smile. “That doesn’t mean I would deny him my bed. On the contrary, there’s nothing like a little fight to heat the blood.”
I stared at her, the words an uncomfortable echo of my earlier thoughts about my betrothed’s vexing brother. Maker, Tanez must think me terribly naïve.
“I am aware of those things. Aramaz and I breathed life into an entire race through the divine guidance of the Allfather. I know what goes where when the Elves make children.”
“If you say so.” The amusement in Tanez’s gaze told me I hadn’t deceived her for a second. “You might find that this is one of thosetopics where knowing something in theory differs greatly from experiencing it.” She took me in for a moment. “I’ve always wondered about the Allfather’s involvement in your and Aramaz’s betrothal. He never interfered in any other union, allowing everyone else to choose their own spouse. Or to not choose at all.”
I thought of the day the Allfather had sent me down to Aron-Lyr. How he told me that he had gifted me one of the greatest powers of the Aurea; how it meant I also had to carry the greatest responsibility.
How I had failed.
