“No. You can ask me when we both wake up.”
She smiled through the gut-wrenching heartache I could see in her jade eyes. “Tell the grouchy old male in the library that Saraqael wishes for him to stop being afraid and mentor you. Tell him—” She swallowed. “Tell him you need to find Miriam at the beginning. Where this all started.” She glanced to the side, her chin lowered. “When you find everything out, please don’t hate me, Lucille.”
I tugged her back into a hug, unsure of what she was talking about. “I’d never hate you, Mom. Even after all the shit we’ve been through. I’d never hate you. I love you.”
She nodded against my shoulder before sitting back, her face sobered. “Second, you will use your Hellfire and Glory when you wake. You will use every ounce you have, and you will direct all of it at Lilith. Understand?”
I straightened. “No. I can’t. I’ll die if I take off my Ember Metal.”
“You won’t. Your Glory may be more suppressed, but Lilith’s blood runs through your veins.” She placed her hand over my heart, opening her mouth for the final blow, and I jerked back.
“I won’t kill you! You can’t ask me to kill you!” I screamed.
My mom sat quietly, patient and solemn. “A daughter does not sacrifice herself for a mother. You donotgive up. Do you hear me? You will do this for me.”
“No. I’m staying here.”
Her patient expression hardened—the same expression she got when she was training me.
“Dream-walking might not take as much power, but it still takes some.”
She might as well have taken a knife and shoved it in my heart; it probably would’ve hurt less.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because you need to wake up and fight. Lilith plans to kill you, steal your powers, and take over Hell. The fact that I’m still alive means Lucifer is giving me more energy than he should. He is weakened, and if Lilith gains your powers and reaches Hell, she’ll be able to kill him. We can’t let that happen.”
“But she can’t escape her kingdom! Not with Lucifer’s ring binding her in place.”
My mom shook her head, that sympathy back in her eyes. “Do you know how that ring comes off?”
“Lucifer’s blood and death.”
She nodded. “You are his one and only blood child. An anomaly that has tipped the balance in the celestial world. Lilith is confident you are the answer to her cage.”
I swallowed and looked at the glowing veins in Damatha’s trees. “So what,” I spat, choking back my tears.
Her cold hand forced me to meet her gaze. “I know my daughter’s smarter than that. You know we can’t last in this dream. You know I’m dying. Just like you know when you wake up, you’ll need to use your powers.”
I clutched her hand, squeezing it in a death grip. “I can’t leave you. I won’t give you up.”
“I understand.” She placed a soft kiss on my forehead, then stared straight into my soul. “I love you, Lucille. Never surrender, my warrior.” Her form dematerialized.
“No.” I reached for her fading image, desperate to hold her there. I couldn’t lose her—not now, not after everything. My hands passed through empty light, and then she was gone, the glow of the Celestrus vanishing with her. “No!” I screamed, jerking awake.
Reverberations vibrated through my body. I blinked open my eyes. And immediately wanted to close them again. I didn’t want this hellscape to be real.
But it was—and they were all about to die.
Chapter
Fifty-Two
LUCILLE
Weeks ago, Oliver had asked me what would happen if I had to choose who to save. I never answered him. But I’d had an answer. A horrific, guilt-destroying answer that ate at me every time I dream-walked to my mom. That was before I knew about Aspen’s deceit. And I wished I could say it made a difference. But it didn’t. The foreign urgency boiling my blood influenced my thoughts, and the Infernus raging in my ears.
But this choice wasn’t just about Aspen or my mom. Oliver, who’d stood loyal and at my side these past months—who’d turned from a betrayer to a brother and best friend—was in danger. So was Alexei, whom I’d grown fond of, and MJ, whose ferocity I admired.
