I can see now that no matter what I claimed, Aunt Lydia always knew that Nicole’s death affected me deeply, she realized.It must have been so frustrating when I denied it and when my parents and I rejected her attempts to help me.
Caitlin also acknowledged,Aunt Lydia and I didn’t really drift apart—Ipushedher away.Which wasn’t because she’d ever intended to hurt her aunt or that she’d stopped loving her; it was because Caitlin was trying to cope with her feelings by shutting down, rather than by opening up.
Aunt Lydia was so gracious that she let me go, and she never held a grudge. But she also never gave up on trying to help me—she was just waiting until I was ready. And she was right about the cottage. Ididneed to come to Dune Island to have clarity about whether to sell or keep it.
Before she’d arrived, Caitlin had been so certain of what the right decision was that she didn’t even question it. But in the past few weeks, so much had changed.Shehad changed.
I’m fed up. I’m not going to allow Lydia’s nephews to steal the inheritance she intended for me. And I'm not going to allow the past to steal my joy, either, she silently declared, as a smile crept over her face.But Melanie can keep Jonathan, and she can keep the hospital campaign.
EIGHTEEN
Although the weather seemed warmer the following morning, Caitlin dressed in several inside layers, in addition to her outer winter garments, including her balaclava beneath a winter hat. Then she trekked down to the marsh and sat on the bench. In the distance, silvery puddles seeped through the white blanket of ice; the frozen bay was breaking up, and Caitlin felt as if something inside her was thawing, too.
Snow lightly fluttered onto the plaque, melting as soon as it landed. Watching it dissolve on Nicole’s photo, Caitlin could picture the teenager dancing the part of Clara inThe Nutcracker, and she had to smile.Nicole would’ve hated it that the photo commemorating her life was of her dancing instead of acting in a play… but at least she’s wearing her trademark bright red lipstick.Caitlin was quiet for a few minutes, and then she cleared her throat and began as if she were speaking on the phone, “Hey, Nicole. It’s me, Caitlin.”
Feeling a little foolish, she started again. “I just want to say how sorry I am that you died when you were only fifteen.”
Gripped with emotion, Caitlin paused, took a few calming breaths, and continued, “I was devastated when you drowned. I was also angry and hurt because I trusted you and you trickedme into believing you were going to stay at the party. It wasn’t fair of you to do that. And it wasn’t fair of me to blame myself for your death all these years. Not that I’m blamingyoufor dying, either—I know that was an accident. But Idoblame you for leaving the party after you promised you wouldn’t.”
She sighed. “I also forgive you and I’m going to try to forgive myself, even though it wasn’t my fault. That’s my New Year’s resolution—to go to therapy and get some help. Anyway, I’ll never, ever forget you, Nicole.” Caitlin brushed away a tear. “But I can’t dwell on the past anymore. It’s time for me to start living my best life. Just like I wish you could still be here, living yours.”
She got to her feet and started to walk back to the cottage, but then she paused and swiveled to look at the plaque again. “By the way, I threw out your snakeskin print bikini. Your mom was right—you were probably too young to wear something like that.” She half laughed, half sobbed. “But I always thought you looked great in that lipstick.”
Caitlin had barely begun to warm up after her hike to the marsh when she heard someone pull into the driveway. Peeking outside, she saw Shane’s truck, and behind it was Sammy’s car.Good, I’m glad they’re here, she thought, eager to talk to each of them again.
Exchanging greetings at the door, Shane remarked, “Wow, that’s a big bandage. Does it hurt a lot?”
“No, it looks worse than it feels,” she assured him, and invited them in.
But Shane told her, “Sammy wants to speak to you alone, so I’ll hang out in the yard until he’s done.”
“Uh-oh, you better talk quickly, or Shane will turn into an icicle,” Caitlin joked to put the teenager at ease as he came intothe cottage. He was holding a rectangular pan wrapped in tin foil.
“I, uh, I just wanted to say I’m sorry I scared you the other day,” Sammy said, his eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean to. And I’m sorry you slipped and cut your face.”
“I know you didn’t intend to scare me. It’s not your fault I got hurt.” Caitlin had already decided that as one of her first steps toward openly acknowledging the past, she was going to level with him, so she explained, “When I was your age, I had a friend who drowned in the bay, so when I saw you out there on the ice, I overreacted.”
“Yeah, but if I hadn’t?—”
“Sammy, take it from me, you can’t go down that road,” she interrupted. “You didn’t intend to scare me, and you said you were sorry. That’s all you can do. Besides, I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re good. And hey, thanks for helping Shane fix the gutter.”
“You’re welcome.” He gave her a sheepish smile and handed her the pan. “This is from my mom. She said to tell you it’s a soft noodle dish, in case your injury makes it difficult for you to chew.”
“Thank you. That’s very sweet… but I’m surprised you told her what happened.”
“I didn’t—Shane did.”
“I hope you’re not in trouble?”
He mumbled, “Not too much.”
“When I call to thank her for the meal, I’ll let her know it wasn’t your fault,” she said.
“Okay, but she won’t know who you are. Shane and I never told her whose cottage we were working on, even though I think she got suspicious after she met you at the Halloween party.”
Caitlin laughed and she could’ve hugged the sweet teenager but she didn’t want to embarrass the poor kid. “Thanks for beingdiscreet, and thanks for all your good work on the windmill. I think you’re going to be very successful in your field.”
“Mm-hmm,” he mumbled, ducking his head. Then he pushed open the door to let Shane in as he went out.
