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Nate kept his gaze on me. There wasn’t pity or fear that it could happen to him, beneath the silver pools of his eyes. I saw those two things a lot, pity and fear in people. Not seeing them in his eyes was a relief. It would have hurt. Let me down. But like I’d always known Nate was different. He wasn’t like the other boys.
He still saw me. Most people didn’t. They just saw the disease inside me. The one I had beaten, yet that seemed to remain in their minds after it was gone. I wanted to hug him for that. Thank him and rely on his judgment for that not to be weird and out of place. But he wouldn’t understand. He hadn’t lived what I had been through.
“I would’ve come back here. I’d have probably moved in with my grandpop to be close to you if I’d known.”
It hadn’t been meant to be that way. He loved his parents and sisters, his life in Rosemary Beach and it was there that he needed to stay. He belonged with them and not me. Him coming here wouldn’t have been good for Nate or his family. My guilt, over that, wouldn’t have helped my fight, and back then I fought every minute.
“We were kids. Things happen. We become different people. It’s the past now, let’s just leave it.”
Nate studied me intensely without looking away or trying to argue some point. I could see his mind working right there in the steadiness of his gaze and stance. When he finally released a sigh he nodded and said “okay.” That was all he said.
I didn’t want him to see the disappointment in my eyes so I turned back to the window. My mind was no longer focused on my work. He had agreed. He hadn’t argued. I should be relieved. The fact I wanted him to argue was silly. Childish and I wasn’t childish, not anymore I wasn’t.
I listened as he walked away. I heard the back door open and close. I squeezed my eyes tightly together wishing the ache in my chest would vanish. Leave me be for a while. Give me some peace and tranquility.
I was finally free, living on my own and had a grown-up life. Being sad was pointless now. I had so much to be happy about. I wanted that happiness I saw on other faces and wishing for something far from my reach was wasting time and effort. I knew how fleeting time could be, because I’d almost run completely out.
Once I thought that the scripture in the Bible about not being promised tomorrow was depressing and lacked any joy. Now I knew it was real. Something we all needed to accept. I did, so why was I wasting it on wishing Nate Finlay was tomorrow, the tomorrow I would claim as my future? Instead of just being my past?
Nate Finlay
I DIDN’T INTEND to stay in the back all morning. But I had. I wanted to think about what she’d said and figure out how to deal with her. I should agree and accept her suggestion. If I had more time to think about it, I knew I would have changed my mind.
But I didn’t.
Ten minutes before I was going to get Bliss and take her to lunch again Octavia came barreling in the back door with her arms full of shopping bags and a huge smile on her face.
Shit. This was too soon. I wasn’t ready for her yet. Which should’ve been a sign I acknowledged. Wanting her to stay away.
“The window looks amazing. She’s brilliant. Didn’t I tell you I’d found a perfect match for the store, a girl that knew what she was doing? She’s also easy to train. Not old and snooty. She does what I say and doesn’t question me. I like her.” Those were the first words out of her mouth after not seeing me for almost a month.
Until I returned to Sea Breeze and saw Bliss this was normal. Exactly what I wanted. It was easy, without drama, and there was no real attachment. Fuck this place and my stupid memories. What I had was perfect.
“Haven’t seen her window display yet. I’ve been back here installing the shelves you ordered.”
She frowned as she looked at the shelves. “Not as big as I had imagined.”
Octavia needed a handy man or had to make it easier for me. All she had to do was measure correctly and she would always have the proper size. I could tell her that but then she’d get pissy and have me pack it back up.
“I’ll just order a few more sets I suppose,” she said with a wave of her hand, as if this were an easy fix and she had no time to stress over it. I wondered how long this was going to entertain her? When it would become boring and she would walk away and want something else to sustain her, another fucking whim she’d abandon? Her father always granted her wishes. This was just another expedition, Octavia would eventually ignore.
