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“Maybe that was your plan all along, huh?” he continued. “Get in close, fuck with my head and my dick, knock me off my game so you could win.”
My mouth fell open, his words a slap in the face. “You don’t actually believe that.”
“What should I believe, then? That we actually have some kind of future? That we’re doing anything other than screwing around before the real world comes crashing back in?” He shook his head. “This whole thing was fucking stupid. It can’t go anywhere, and we were delusional to think otherwise.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“No? Then what’s the brilliant plan, Panther? You’ve got one, right? Golden boy of the Elite, ready to claim that top spot to make your old man proud.”
I clenched my jaw. “If I wanted to make my father proud, I wouldn’t have given you the time of day.”
Solo stared at me and then began to laugh. A chuckle at first before morphing into a full-blown belly laugh. “Right. Of course. Good boy turns rebel to piss off his dad. Oldest story in the book.”
I took a step toward Solo. “Are you accusing me of using you to get at my father?”
“You said it, not me.”
I searched his face, trying to find a glimpse of the man I had fallen for. “Who are you?”
Solo shrugged. “Just a guy who got caught up in something he shouldn’t have.”
“Are you saying being with me is a mistake?”
“I’m saying there’s a big warning sign written all over your forehead, so I shouldn’t be surprised this shit ended up a disaster.” Solo grabbed his bag, but before he left, he took a few steps forward so that we were practically toe to toe. “You and me? We were never meant to work. Not in this fucking lifetime.”
21 Solo
THE WAVES CRASHED against the pillars at Black Rock Cliffs beach, one after the other, the sky overhead a dark grey that matched my mood.
I’d gone too far today, I knew it, yet I couldn’t stop torturing myself by replaying the scene with Panther over and over again. Lashing out at him hadn’t relieved any of the pent-up frustration that had been building since I’d run into his father. In fact, I regretted every word that had come out of my mouth. But in the hours I’d spent sitting on the beach, I’d convinced myself that this was a good thing, that pushing Panther away was the right thing to do, because wasn’t that what his father had said? I expect you’ll do the right thing.
Obviously, in his book, the right thing was to leave his son the hell alone. There. Done. I’d managed to do that with a few angry words, because there was no way Panther would look at me the same way now. And really, did I want him to? I’d spent most of my adult life avoiding anyone who wanted to get too close, and it had worked out for me just fine up until now. If I never spent another day with Panther, I’d be fine.
Fuck. If that was true, then why did it feel like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest with their bare hands? I hadn’t felt this way since…well, since I got the news about my brother, and that was years ago. I hadn’t cared about anyone but myself in so long that the feeling of loss that came with dismissing Panther came as a shock, but what else was I supposed to do? We were two men on similar but different journeys, and I didn’t have the first clue how to navigate something like that. How was it even possible? If we were sent six thousand miles away from each other for months and months…well, what then?
So, yeah, better to cut our losses now, because the inevitable heartbreak would be much worse if I allowed this shit to carry on.
I ran my hands through the sand, grabbing a fistful and letting the grains fall through my fingers. It was exactly how my relationship with Panther felt: time sifting through my fingers, running out faster than I thought possible, and all the while the walls were closing in, suffocating me under the pressure.
Damn it. This was why I didn’t do relationships. Why I kept a wall between me and anyone else. This empty, hollow feeling that swallowed you up like a black hole. I felt lost, alone, and there was only one reason for that. I’d gotten used to having someone around. No, not just someone—Grant.
Somewhere between that first night in the bar and now, that sexy, straight-arrow flyboy had broken through all my usual defenses. He’d looked past my reputation, loud mouth, and bravado and seen the real me.
I couldn’t remember the last time someone had cared enough to dig that deep. We’d each entered this relationship knowing there was an end date, but instead of talking about it, what did I do? I ran at the first sign of trouble because his father had, what? Told me I wasn’t good enough for Panther?
