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When he angled his head and his eyes found mine, I did something I couldn’t remember ever doing. I tightened my fingers around his in a comforting move—but who I was trying to comfort was anyone’s guess.
“I make you nervous? Angel, you scare the fucking daylights out of me.” Halo’s eyes widened, and I chuckled. “Do you think I’m the kind of guy who usually sits on a beach at sunset holding hands and talking about my feelings?”
“Well, no.”
“Yet here I am,” I said, raising our joined hands, and Halo spread his fingers to interlace them with mine.
“And…?”
As I lowered our hands, I shrugged. “And I like it. I like you, Angel, or I wouldn’t be out here, trust me. But that doesn’t mean I have any idea what the hell I’m doing. You asked me if it bothers me that you aren’t going to tell your family about this…about us.”
Halo nodded and lowered his eyes to our hands, a frown marring his forehead. “Right.”
I knew I could take the easy way out here and lie, but instead I heard myself say, “It shouldn’t.”
Halo’s head snapped up. “But it does?”
“It does.” I didn’t say more than that, but the shy smile that stretched across Halo’s lips let me know this small admission from me was what he’d been looking for.
Halo looked back out to the waves, and then leaned in to bump his shoulder against mine. “See, this is what I mean. I don’t understand why you pretend to be such a hard-ass. Why you don’t date. There are millions of guys who’d die to be sitting where I’m sitting tonight if they had the chance.”
I glanced at Halo’s striking profile, and when the wind ruffled the hair around his face, I said, “I don’t want a million guys. I want the one who’s already here.”
Halo turned to face me and leaned over until his lips were a whisper over the top of my own. “You’re so much better at this than you think.”
I highly doubted that. “Sure I am,” I said, but didn’t move. I didn’t let go of his hand either, finding that I enjoyed the feel of it in mine.
“You are,” Halo said, and brought his other hand up to hold my face as he traced his thumb over my lip. Then he lowered his hand and sat back, but kept our fingers locked.
“Teasin’ me, Angel?”
“No,” Halo said, shaking his head. “I just know if I kiss you now, I won’t stop.”
“And that’s supposed to deter me?”
Halo grinned. “No. But before I give you that, I want to know something.”
I was convinced Halo could’ve asked me for anything then as long as it got his mouth back over the top of mine. “And what’s that?”
“What ever happened to Hiroji?”
The question was so unexpected that a burst of laughter escaped me. “I have no idea. Why?”
Halo was laughing too, but then he sobered. “I don’t know. I was just wondering if he’s the only person you’ve ever loved.”
I eyed Halo for a beat and then dropped my gaze to our interlaced fingers. I ran my thumb over the back of his hand, and when I raised my eyes again, I told him something I’d never told anyone other than Killian and Trent: “There was someone else. A long time ago.”
When I paused, Halo shifted in closer to me but said nothing else, as if sensing what I was about to say needed to come from me willingly or it wouldn’t come at all.
I shoved my free hand through my hair and looked out to the lights twinkling across the water, finding this conversation easier if I wasn’t looking anyone in the eye. “His name was Owen, and we’d been dating on and off for a couple of years, until the last year, when things got serious.”
“Serious?” Halo said softly.
I didn’t turn toward him, knowing if did, I wouldn’t finish the story. I would kiss him, make him forget what it was he’d asked in the first place. But for the first time in a long time, I realized I wanted to tell this story. I wanted this beautiful man beside me, this man who’d ignited the same euphoric feelings I’d had as a twentysomething-year-old aspiring musician, to know who I was, to see me…the real me.
“We lived together. Shared this crappy little run-down apartment where the only heat in the place was from the oven if we left it on. We were wildly in love. The kind of blind, stupid love that makes you think you can live off a packet of ramen noodles the rest of your life, as long as you’re sharing it with that one person.” I brought my legs up until I could rest my arm over it, and took in a breath before continuing. “But I was a struggling musician and he was a struggling artist. Shit wasn’t easy, but it was something I didn’t think about because I was—” When I bit off the word happy, I wondered if Halo would push. But he merely sat there, patiently waiting for the next piece of the fucked-up puzzle I was trying to piece together for him.
