“To despair and willingly give up I cannot, on account of my folks. I must be a man. I sometimes think death is preferable to what I will suffer but it is not for me to choose. I must make the best of it and live for others, not myself.”
~Earl Douglass
THURSDAY, JUNE20
A week had passed, and the search parties had returned empty-handed. No sign of little Caleb. Anna’s heart broke for the Ziegler family. Again.
Staring out her bedroom window at the dawn, she had a decision to make. The team of men that Dad hired needed to be working on the dig. That’s what they were getting paid to do. But she’d asked them to help search instead. Today, she needed to get them back to the site. A decision that made her want to cry.
The worst was now feared but no one wanted to say that Caleb was ... gone. Not out loud. Members of the communitykept searching when they had time. Kept giving the family tidbits of hope. Not a single person in their town wanted this family to go through what they’d endured with Mary.
Memories of her childhood friend forced their way into Anna’s mind. Mary’s laughter. Her smile. Her joy for life. She was the epitome of everything sweet and good. The day she disappeared, she was excited to go see Julian’s garden after school.
Usually Anna went with her friend, but Dad needed her at home.
She’d always regretted not being with her friend that day. But if she’d gone ... what if something had happened to her too? The thought always made her feel selfish and petty.
Mary was a wanderer. She’d get distracted and lost in her imagination all the time. The best everyone could tell, she’d wandered off. No one wanted to speak about what could have happened to her. The West was a hard and unforgiving place. Danger lurked around every corner. Wild animals. Snakes. Treacherous rivers and canyons.
Anna put a hand to her forehead. No good would come of these thoughts. Dad had prayed with her last night about the decision. All the other families had gone back to work on their ranches and in their gardens, or back to work in town after the first few days. Cattle needed tending. Chores needed to be done.
In extra snatches of time, the community of Walker Creek still searched with the Ziegler and Dunn families and the sheriff. Many had volunteered to take care of things out at the Ziegler ranch too. There had been plenty of people to help.
But life also had to move on.
The thought made her stomach ache. Martha and Alan probably wished that the world could halt until Caleb was found. Christian and Elizabeth Ziegler too. Not only did theyunderstand what it felt like to be the parent of a child missing, but they were having to experience it as grandparents now too.
Then there was Joshua.
The bags under his eyes each time she’d seen him broke her heart. Had he slept at all the past week? The whole town knew that he’d put off his return to school so he could help his family. Everyone understood what a sacrifice that was.
When he’d received word three years ago that he’d been accepted into the prestigious medical program and his tuition was being paid for by a wealthy benefactor, the town had celebrated and rejoiced with him. Anna had been by his side as his biggest supporter.
Until the day before he left.
Why had they argued like that?
Turning away from the window, she looked at the stack of letters on her small desk. All her time and energy had been spent on the search and she’d glanced at them each night before falling into bed. Now, they called to her.
Standing up, she walked over to the desk and pulled the packet to her chest. She took it back to her bed and sat down on the quilt. Her fingers trembled as she untied the twine.
Sifting through the stack, she discovered that he’d written the date on the back of each envelope. The bottom of the pile had been the first ones he’d written.
Perhaps she should start there.
Pulling her knees up to her chest, she leaned against the headboard and opened the earliest letter.
August 22, 1876
My dearest Anna,
Sleep has eluded me the last few days since I left Walker Creek. I’m still in shock over our harsh words to one anotherand can’t seem to make heads or tails of them in my mind.
I’m hoping over time that I will be able to convince you that I am truly sorry.
I love you,
Joshua
