A single tear slipped down her cheek. Such a simple note and yet it cracked open the wound of losing him. She still loved him. But she had no idea what to do. Where to go from here. She opened the next envelope.
August 30, 1876
Dear Anna,
Classes have started and I am overwhelmed beyond what even I could imagine. I wake up several times a night thinking of you. Hating myself for allowing our argument to take place. Several of my fellow medical students say I’m lovesick and should go home. The competition is fierce. I’m sitting here wondering if you even think of me or if you’ve decided that you do not care for me anymore.
I’m exhausted and this probably doesn’t make sense. But I have to communicate with you somehow. I will pour my heart out onto the page and pray that my words are enough.
I’m sorry, Anna.
I love you.
You have my address. I’m hoping to hear from you and that all is right between us.
Forever yours,
Joshua
She set the letters down as she exhaled a shaky breath. It wouldn’t do her any good to fall apart right now. There wasn’t time for it. With Dad laid up, she had to supervise this dig.
But this ... she glanced at the letters again. This would take more emotional stamina than she had right now. To think that he’d written her all these years and she never knew. Why didn’t he mail them?
For months, she’d held onto her anger toward him while secretly hoping for a letter. Even though she told herself she’d burn it, it wasn’t true. Any word from Joshua would have been welcomed.
She’d been so immature back then. Foolish. Allowing her temper to take over and to think the worst of the man she claimed to love.
As she tied the stack back together, she clamped her jaw against the rush of tears that threatened. She placed the letters back on her desk and went to grab her sun hat. There was work to do.
But something else gnawed at her mind.
The stark truth of her own stubbornness and pride.
Joshua had pleaded with her for forgiveness. Now it was her turn.
New blooms covered many of the small plants.
It made Julian smile. Something good needed to come out of the last weeks. He’d poured his heart into the garden. Watering it. Tending it. Weeding it.
“It’s not going to help the townspeople think of you any different. You’ll still be mean ol’ Walker’s son.” His brother spit out the piece of straw he’d been gnawing on.
“I don’t expect you to understand.” Julian examined the next row of new plants.
“I know. I just don’t want to see you hurt.”
Damian had always protected him, and he appreciated it. He did. It didn’t stop Julian from wishing for something different though. Helping with the search for the missing boy had shown him several things. People still thought he was odd. They were wary around him. The Walker ranch might be the biggest and most prosperous ranch around, but the Walkernamewasn’t respected. All thanks to his father.
That’s why the workers out at the Walker ranch were paid more than any of the other ranches. That’s what it took to keep them there. But maybe now that his father was gone for good, things could change.
Not that he minded paying the workers. No. He’d pay them more if he had to. Just to get them to stay. But if people could see him differently ... that would help him to be a better person.
“Don’t you think it would be good if people respected me?”
Damian gripped his shoulder. “Sure, it would. I just don’t think it’s going to be easy. It’s not like the Walkers are known as good people.”
Julian longed to be a good person. “Offering to help out with the search was the right thing to do. I wanted to do it.”
“Yeah, but that’s not enough for these folks.”
