Mary shook her head. “Impossible, dear girl. He longs for us to run to Him, even when we sin. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” She tapped Eliza’s forearm with her finger, emphasizing her words. “Confess, repent. Be honest with Jesus. He will forgive you, Eliza. Give Him control of your life. Pray about what you need to do next. Give the Lord time to work. And stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks.”
Eliza offered the woman a wobbly smile as the room emptied. “I’m sorry for keeping you, but thank you. For checking up on me, for your words of wisdom ... you’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“I’m glad you’re a part of our church, Eliza.” Mary stood and patted Eliza’s shoulder. “I will be praying for you. Don’t hesitate to find me if you need a friend.”
Eliza watched the slender woman make her way outside through the thinning crowd, greeting several people. Clearly Mary was well known and liked, judging by the smiles gracing the faces of fellow believers as they conversed with her. She’d been kind yet firm, speaking truth and wisdom into Eliza’s hurting soul.
Maybe Mr. Adams would let her borrow the carriage for the afternoon so she could get away and get alone.
An hour later, Eliza was stocked with a lunch basket, her Bible, a blanket, and permission from Mr. Adams to use the carriage as long as she needed. So she set out toward Green River, just half a mile from the Adams’s homestead.
The wind rippled through the mane of the horse as she maneuvered the carriage toward the river. The sun was bright in a cloudless blue sky. A gentle summer breeze ruffled the grass of the prairie on one side, and the branches of trees on the other. It was the perfect summer day. A day that she usually would have spent telling tourists about the wonders of dinosaurs, and having lunch with Devin, maybe even enjoying dinner with her host family.
But that wasn’t where God had her right now.
Spotting a small grove of trees several feet from the riverbank, Eliza directed the carriage to a spot with enough grass for the horse to graze for a while. After pulling the brake, she grabbed the small basket containing her lunch and Bible, the blanket Mrs. Adams had lent her, and hopped to the ground. She walked a few yards, then settled under the shade of a tree, her back pressing against the bark. The water rushed by her, its rapids like a mirror of her swirling thoughts. But her mind kept coming back to one fact...
Devin was right about everything.
Under all her ambition, enthusiasm, and drive, Eliza was insecure.
Afraid.
Her bravado was a bluff, daring anyone to call her out and prove she didn’t belong in the scientific community.
Her reputation and drive to prove her scientific acumen blinded her to the impact of her actions on her family, friends, and colleagues. The minute she had the chance to own her work, to walk in true confidence in who God made her to be, she chickened out.
Tears slipped down her cheeks. Devin told her she didn’t trust the Lord.
He was right.
Her carefully constructed life was in tatters. All because she tried to do everything on her own.
But through all of it, Devin had declared his heart. He loved her. No. It was deeper than that. He wasinlove with her.
Eliza shook her head. She’d been blind for so many years. Buried so many feelings. Worn a façade for so long she didn’t even know who she really was anymore. Devin’s revelation of his feelings and his thoughts about her behavior made that abundantly clear.
She pulled her Bible out of the basket and held it for a moment. It had been a gift from her grandparents on her sixteenth birthday. The black leather and gold gilt pages were faded with time and use. It was her most prized possession, outside of the first fossil she’d found when she was seven. However, it hadn’t been opened much lately.
That had to change.
Mary’s words from earlier that morning came rushing back. Eliza had run long enough. It was time to seek the Lord and live her life according to His Word, not her own blind aspirations and dreams. This time she wouldn’t let shame keep her from the Lord. She would run to Him.
Eliza opened the Bible and thumbed through it, not sure what she was looking for. She skimmed through several chapters in John when a verse from chapter fifteen caught her eye. “‘I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.’”
The words plunged into her heart, awakening her to the depths of the Truth.
Without Jesus, she could do nothing.
Finding fossils with Devin when she was fifteen. The accolades awarded her in college. The chance to study God’s creation alongside some of the finest minds in the country. Getting a job with Mr. Carnegie in his magnificent museum. Every opportunity had been a blessing, not because of herself, but a gift from God. She could proclaim with confidence that God created the heavens and the earth. The very sky above them and soil beneath them declared the glory of God!
Yet even as she’d declared that with her lips, more and more, she’d depended on her own abilities and intelligence. When had her focus shifted from seeing her aptitude for science and learning as a gift from God to thinking them the results of her own efforts?
Eliza wiped her face, but the tears kept falling. It was pride, plain and simple. No wonder confusion and uncertainty dogged her every step. Attempting to walk in the way of Jesus without actually walkingwithHim, without letting Him work through her, was a sure recipe for disaster. The fruit of her actions proved that.
She lifted her face to heaven. “Lord! I am so sorry. I have been careless and prideful and full of fear! Please forgive and cleanse me.”
Her tears slowed from great gulping sobs to soft sniffles. Her shoulders relaxed and her breath evened out as peace settled over her—a peace far warmer than the light of the sunabove her. The weight... the heavy burden that had been a part of her for so long was now gone! In its place was the knowledge she was forgiven and loved by her Savior.
