Beth woke after a long nap, surprised she’d slept at all. It felt strange not having Archie around. She kept feeling as though she had forgotten something. It was nice to rest and not feel so on edge, but she was missing him so much already.
Walking around her flat wasn’t helping to lift her mood. The whole place needed a facelift, and there was still some unpacking to do. Perhaps if she made it feel homelier, it would help settle her too. Jan said clear the clutter, clear the mind. Only thing was, she hadn’t unboxed much to make a mess.
It was Archie’s room she wanted to decorate but she hadn’t had the energy. Cute ducks and rabbits was her design, but all he had was his cot squashed up to her bed in her beige room.
There was definitely a lighter air about her since meeting Jan, and just saying everything out loud had made so much of a difference, she couldn’t believe it. Pearl had finally left her alone, and Jan had made herself available twenty-four seven. The last person who was there for her like that was her dad. Oh, how she missed him. Named her son after him. Hopefully her dad would be watching over her baby. Although, since hearing back from Jan that Archie was in loving hands, a weight had fallen.
‘Right!’ she told the room. ‘How about a spring clean?’
Ever since she started feeling ill, cleaning had helped. For some reason, whenever she felt panicky, she’d start cleaning, it didn’t matter what, but by the end of the chore, her nerves had settled.
The day seemed to drag, and she knew it was because Archie wasn’t there keeping her company. She wondered while unpacking some of his clothes if he missed her. Would he notice she wasn’t around? How quickly would he adapt?
All day he filled her head, even when she took a long hot soak in the bath to relax. It was laughable, as she couldn’t remember the meaning of the word, but it worked just a little.
She wished she could bottle Jan and carry her around all day. Every time she called to check in, they’d talk for a while and everything was clear. It was a good feeling, but having Archie out of sight wasn’t.
It had been agreed she would meet with Spencer at Jan’s office in a couple of days. It seemed so far away.
I need to see him.
She paced the room, wondering what to do for the best. Arrangements had been made. Why must she be the one to rock the boat? Because she missed her son so badly, it hurt.
I could call Jan.
Better still, she could just go to Spencer’s and . . .
‘And what?’ she asked the room.
The feeling of being the stranger in Archie’s life, trying for access, fuelled her enough to wrap up in some warm clothes and head off to Harbour End Road.
It was a cold brisk walk that cleared her head and nostrils. Anything could have been going on around her and she wouldn’t have noticed. Her mind too occupied with what to say to the man she was about to face.
She figured she’d have to take the hit at some point, as it was highly unlikely he wouldn’t have something to say about the way she had handled his introduction to his son.
The shops were closed by the time she made it to the harbour. It was cold and dark, even the seagulls had settled for the night.
Beth stood in the same spot she had contemplated leaving her son. The boats bobbed in the calm sea behind her, and the lights of the flats over the road were once more dimmed by drapes or blinds.
Archie’s up there.
Determined not to cry, or wait any longer, she made her way across the road and inhaled deeply.
Do it, Beth. Just knock.
One more breath for courage, and she rang the bell, feeling all life drain from her face as her eyes welled.
Just like before, it took a moment for Spencer to open the door, and she had a moment where she worried he might have left Archie in the bath.
She stared up into curious blue eyes, momentarily losing her words. He didn’t seem to recognize her, not that she was expecting him to. ‘I’m Beth Horton,’ she blurted.
The greeting left his face immediately, but she daren’t remove her eyes from his glare. Whatever he or anyone else had to say, she’d deal with it. They hadn’t a clue what she’d been through, so who were they to judge? Was he judging her? She couldn’t be entirely sure.
‘You’d better come up,’ he said softly.
She didn’t need to be asked twice. Archie was up there somewhere, along with her breath. She walked towards a gentle tinkling musical sound coming from the top of the stairs.
‘He’s just had a bath and is settled in his pram . . .’
