Whatever else Spencer said faded away with the tune as Beth noticed the pram as soon as she entered the living room. Archie was mesmerized by the rotating farm animals and pleasant noise coming from the baby mobile attached to his bed for the night.
‘Hey, baby boy,’ she whispered, lightly stroking his cheek.
Archie wriggled, waking fully from his trance, and Beth lifted him immediately, bringing him close to her cheek. He smelled of fresh laundered clothes and baby shampoo.
A hand placed a blanket over Archie’s back, covering part of her too, reminding her Spencer was in the room. He steppedback and gestured to the sofa, so she sat, snuggling her baby into her some more.
It took a moment for her nerves to settle, her heart to stop weeping for her son, and for her to feel the courage needed to look her child’s father in the eye.
‘Thank you,’ she said quietly.
Spencer didn’t reply, but a small nod was offered, followed by making tea.
Beth had no idea where to start. Archie was back in her arms, closing his eyes, showing he was the only relaxed one in the room.
‘I thought I’d see you in a couple of days,’ said Spencer, standing over in the kitchen, not looking her way.
‘I know. I’m sorry to intrude like this, but I couldn’t . . .’ She dipped her head, not having the energy to explain.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, turning but still not making eye contact.
Beth could feel Archie’s slow and steady breathing as he drifted off.
‘First time I’ve seen him fall asleep so fast,’ said Spencer softly.
Guilt hit hard. Had she not abandoned her child, he would have been enjoying his usual naps. She could imagine him fretting, wondering where he was and who the stranger was. Did he call out for her inside his mind? Her heart cracked.
‘It was wrong what I did,’ she said, finding her words. ‘To you both.’ She glanced up, knowing she had to face him.
Spencer was staring back, his expression blank, but his posture relaxed as he sat on a kitchen chair. ‘Jan explained.’
‘Everything?’
His head tilted a touch. ‘No.’ Silence sat between them for a few beats, but she knew he hadn’t finished. ‘Will you tell me?’ His voice was low, gentle. Perhaps for the sleeping baby’s sake.
‘It’s not a happy story,’ she replied, still reliving the trauma.
‘That’s okay. I’m used to sad ones.’
The kettle clicked off, but Beth shook her head as Spencer gestured towards the worktop. She didn’t want to talk and sip tea as though they were friends passing the time. Truth be told, all she wanted was to curl up on the sofa and fall asleep with her son cradled in her arms. However, it was in Archie’s best interest to lie flat in his pram, so she settled him there, then herself back beneath his blanket, taking comfort in his scent embedded in the soft material.
‘You don’t have to talk about what happened right now,’ added Spencer. ‘But I would like to know one day.’
As much as she wanted it left in the past, she knew if she just got it over with now, it would be easier to move forward.
‘Everything was fine at first,’ she said, raising her gaze to meet his. His eyes didn’t hold the same warmth as Jan’s, but she could tell he was paying attention. ‘It was in the last stage of my pregnancy. I was told Archie’s stomach wasn’t growing as fast as the rest of him, so they wanted to start me off. Get him out early. So they booked me in a few days later to be induced.’
Spencer gave a slight nod, which was to be expected. It was easy for anyone to understand that part of the story. But what would he make of the rest? She still had trouble believing it herself.
Beth swallowed dryness. ‘I was so worried. My thoughts started to go all over the place. When it came to inducing labour, something happened to me that I’ve never experienced before. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but Jan explained I had a full-blown panic attack.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I locked myself in the bathroom and refused to come out, so no one actually saw what I was going through, as I didn’t want anyone to see me freaking out. Obviously I came out in the end, but it was late in the day, so they said they would try again in the morning.’
Spencer seemed frozen. She was sure he didn’t even blink.
‘The doctor asked if they could start me off the next day,’ Beth told him. ‘Then she added that they couldn’t force me. I could say no. It was as though she woke me from the nightmare I found myself in, so I said no, and she walked away.’ She lowered her gaze. ‘But it wasn’t over.’
‘Did you go home?’ he asked quietly.
Beth shook her head. ‘I was kept in for a week, and each day one of my doctors would come and ask the same question.’
