‘So you haven’t told Beth then?’
‘No, I haven’t,’ he said, trying to focus on work.
Lottie moved away. ‘Best you two don’t get into a relationship,’ she muttered, causing his shoulders to flop.
Don’t take the bait.
‘Why’s that?’ he asked.
‘Well, if you can’t be honest with her.’
‘Erm, excuse me, I’ve never lied to Beth, thank you very much.’
‘You won’t tell her how you feel, your birth name, or talk about paternity testing. Hardly screams “team”.’
Spencer slapped his chest. ‘I’m not going to risk upsetting her unnecessarily. Plus it could make things awkward. Anyway, I might not bother, so there’s no point bringing up the subject at all.’ Perhaps he could go online to check it out. There was no harm in a quick peek.
‘It’s up to you if you want to keep things hidden, but one of my favourite things about my relationship with Sam is that we know everything about each other. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Sometimes I feel like we’re one person, we’re that connected. It’s a nice feeling, Spence. If you just stopped closing doors on yourself, you might get to find out.’
Easy for her to say. She wasn’t the one who closed her heart as a child, thinking it safer that way. The times he’d sat and analysed himself to the point of headache were more than hecould count. He knew what he was like, and, yes, he closed many doors, but he used to let Rebecca in sometimes, even George. Could he really let go of the tight hold he had on himself?
He glanced at the laptop, knowing he could do an online search for DNA testing straight away. ‘House of bloody cards, that’s what I live in,’ he mumbled, but Lottie heard.
‘You used to, but then you got to grow up in a solid home. You just couldn’t see it. Now, well, who knows what kind of world you see. I love you, Spencer. You’ve always been my favourite person. I just wish you’d see the beauty in life, then perhaps you’d stop being so afraid that something will always go wrong.’
‘Things do go wrong.’
‘Of course they do. That’s life. But it doesn’t mean we stop living because of it. You’ve pretty much lived your life like some sort of Groundhog Day, constantly looking for the bad.’
She had a point. He was looking for the bad just thinking about doing a paternity test. He could ignore the idea and carry on as he had been, but no. He was making his own waves, letting part of his brain tell him that there might be a chance Archie wasn’t his son, because why would life be good to him?
Another part of his brain reminded him how he had made life good for himself. ‘I changed after your accident.’
Lottie sighed. ‘I know, and I see how much more you smile now, but I also notice your old self popping up to say hello every so often. I see it with you and Beth.’
‘If my old self was up and running around Beth, I’d have tried to get her into bed by now.’
‘Ah, so that’s what’s stopping you. You’re worried if you get intimate with her, you might run away the next morning.’
Spencer scoffed. ‘I’m not talking about intimacy with you.’
‘Anyway, that wasn’t what I meant. I was talking about your old ways stopping you from enjoying life.’
‘I am enjoying my life, thank you.’
‘You’ll enjoy it a whole lot more once you’re honest with Beth.’
‘So you think telling her my parents named me Spaceman Spencer Jordan will miraculously change everything?’ He jumped as a ball of ribbon hit his back.
‘I think you opening up to her will change you.’
‘She already knows about my childhood.’
‘Everyone knows about that, Spence. Our family made the news.’
Spencer shrugged, feeling a tad deflated with his sister’s interference. He happened to think he was doing quite well with his life, thank you. Everything was easy with Beth as it was. Wasn’t it? There were those times when he wanted to kiss her lips, and then when they hugged he didn’t want to let go. Why did he always have to think bad times were ahead? He knew why. He just wished he could stay in happy mode forever.
Chapter 30
