I stoppedin my tracks.“What?”
“Why areyou trying to pour booze down my throat?” she asked, her eyes wild and her tone full ofbetrayaland accusation.
I looked down at the cup with confusion before looking back at her. “I thinkyou'rein shock. In movies, people offer brandy to someone who is in shock. I mean I don’t think you have brandy stashed away somewhere, but I’d be happy to get you some of that.Based on the amount of times I’ve seenthis cureon TV, it’s probably not wrong, right?”I laughed a little.
Besides,Krystanliked drinking, so I figured she’dappreciate the gesture.I was wrong.
When I held it in front of her,she first stared down at the brown liquid like it was going to bite her.Then she looked at me and I was shocked by the depth of the torture I saw in them. “Fuck you, Travis.”
“What?”
Before I could even finish, she turned on her heel and flew upstairs. The slamof her bedroom door rattled the old house.
I continued to stand there like an idiot for a long minute. When no clarity came as to whyKrystanwas a raging nutcase, I threw back the cup of whiskey myself and let it burn down my throat.
The one night we slept together, I remember half-drunkenly thinkingKrystanwas like whiskey. She burned like cheap liquor but then the warmth spread to your limbs and you found yourself going back for another biting shotjust to feel that warmth again.
Now,she was abucketofEverclear,on fire.
8
Isat on the edge of my bed, clutching either arm trying to get my shit together.
I had been positive he knew. When Travis mentioned taking me to a doctor in the van, I about jumped out of my skin. He wanted me to get rid of it, too. Would even help me drive there and maybe even hold my hand while they took care of my ‘problem.’
EvenafterI realized he wasyanking mypigtails,I couldn’tloosenthe invisible bindings around my chest. Between the pressure of taking care of myproblem, and walking into asuicide house, Iwasready to fly apart.
There was something left behind in that house. It was like a residue, like that burning ozone smell.Whatever it was, it dredged up memories I’d long shoved down into the recesses of mysubconscious.
And thenTravisoffered me whiskey, and though I don’t think he knew I waspregnant,itstill feltlike he was testing me. My brain ordered me to grab the teacup and toss it back and keep going until I could forget thenightmarethatwasresurfacing.
Despite my desperation to anesthetize, my fingers refused to reach out and wrap aroundthatdelicatecup.
Maybe Travis was right. Maybe he should drop me off at an insane asylum. One of the old-school ones with padded walls,straitjacketswith rusted buckles, and electro-shock therapy. Yep, it was a long time coming but probably where I was destined to end up.
A soft knock at the door had me ready to scream out for whoever it was to screw off, but then I remembered there were little kids in the house.
Oh shit, we hadn’t even done anything to help get them back homeyet. I tugged on an earlobe in frustration, and didn’t realize for a moment that the person who knocked had opened the door and come in.
Mygran quietly shut the door behind her and stiffly walked over to sit next to me on the bed.
“I forgive you,” she said in terse words.
I grunted with a nod. A part of me felt shame for not actually apologizing, but I was too busy trying to shut down my emotions to face them.
Mygran didn’t need me to spread all my pain and crazy out for her to understand. She already knew I was a hot mess,who constantly screwed up. Thankfully,shealsoknewI loved her more than anythingeven when I couldn’t verbalize it.
“Were you going to tell me you were pregnant this morning?”
I blinked. She asked the question so casually, I thought I hadimagined it.
I really neededto internet search if pregnancy caused hallucinations.
“How did you —”
“Dear, I know you think I didn’t know when you were drinking, but Idid,and I noticed when you stopped. Your mood has been even more volatile, and the day you refuse coffee is either the day of the apocalypse or you are knocked up. And we’ve already been through the apocalypse.You were much calmer through that.”
Releasingeither arm I was clutching, Isat up straight,envisioningsteel pouring into my spine.“It’s cool,gran. You’re not going to have to deal with any bastard babies running around. I'm going to get rid of it as soon as I get a chance.”
