His body tensed with every word, his emotionless face somehow becoming more distant and foreboding.
“You're telling me to join the ranks of my kind? What about you, Miranda?” He closed the distance between us again. Though he spoke softly in my ear, it felt as if he was yelling the words. “You either think you are invincible, or are willing to be a sacrifice because you deserve to be punished. And or what?”
I squeezed my eyes shut as his accusations hit me like physical blows. He didn’t understand because I hadn’t told him.
It wasn’t a dog who died because I fucked up.
It was worse. So much worse. I never deserved to be forgiven for it.
“But let me tell you, sweetheart, I was the sacrifice for my kind. I warned them of Aten, and they didn’t listen.
“Do you know when I asked for help, when I tried to warn everyone, they did everything from spit on me to kick sand in my face? They were more interested in fucking and feasting than helping me do what must be done. I gave up my life trying to stop him, and onlyafterdid anyone do anything about it. Do you think during the thousands of years I spent in the bowels of this desert—in agony, in unrelenting pain and imprisonment—I thought those arrogant narcissists were worth my life, my pain?”
So that would be a no.
“I’m not returning to the fold. I like being another face in the crowd. I like cheap T-shirts. I like spending my time with a human, which is something they would also sneer and spit on me for. Fuck them. Fuck that life. The only thing I want is you. I guarantee the second they think I intend on being with you without turning you into my sekhor, they will do everything they can to stop me or change you themselves.”
I reared back. It was as if he slapped me, his confession snatching the breath from my lungs. “I would never choose to be a vampire.”
His gaze dropped to my mouth with a cruel, knowing smile. I realized I was baring my teeth at him in challenge.
“You think I don’t know that? That you would never abandon your child, your family to choose a life amongst the immortals?”
Something akin to grief or resignation glimmered in his eyes before it disappeared in his rage.
“Those assholes can burn for all I care.”
With that, he turned and left the bar. He only stopped to throw some bills on the counter for our drinks. Lester barely looked up as he grabbed the green, knowing damn well how to mind his business.
I clutched the edge of the pool table, most of my weight supported by my arms as my legs felt like shaky noodles.
I didn’t tell him I would be going tomorrow. That I would face them all alone. And that’s how I felt now. Utterly and totally alone, and for once I didn’t want that.
I wanted Xander by my side. Which didn’t make any sense because this was messy and we were both fucked up and this would never work.
So why did my heart beat so hard, so painfully, pounding out his name over and over in my chest all the way home?
Chapter 22
The Badass
I’ve been sleeping less and less. I can’t tell if it’s due to the insufferable heat that grows more intense by the day, or because Xander is knocking around inside my head.
Still splayed out on my bed above the covers, I rub my hands over my face. Jamal is at school and Mama Jean is out with her friends for lunch.
The bed shifts under the weight of someone new. A warm, fuzzy head drops on my stomach. I look down into big beautiful puppy dog eyes that seem to feel all of my pain, confusion, and uncertainty. The warm weight on my stomach instantly grounds me, and I feel my anxiety drop a couple notches. Which isconfusing as hell considering Xander is the one who gave me Heinz.
Another wave of gut gnawing guilt plowed into me.
I still can’t believe what happened yesterday. From killing a god, to the absolutely depraved things we did in that arcade, to Xander’s sudden outburst and exit from the bar.
It feels like I’m living another life at night. Like I’m another person. But which one is the real me?
“Maybe both are you?”
I huffed. “Bob, could you pretend you aren’t there and able to hear my every thought?”
“I could,” he said carefully, “but I think you’ve been alone with your thoughts long enough.”
