“You’re right,” I said, sitting up. “I should head to the gym if I can’t sleep.”
Heinz sat up with me and firmly pressed his paws into my chest, forcing me back down.
“Heinz and I agree,” Bob went on. “You need to be more forgiving of yourself.”
My hand automatically went to Heinz’s soft head, which was especially absurd because the dog just bullied me back down.
“What?” I asked. “You and the dog are conspiring against me now too?”
“Yes, but only in the most loving, supportive way.”
“I liked it better when you were mute,” I grumbled.
“Now we both know that’s not true. Though I can’t say I’m thrilled to be in the world, sucking down the blood of others. Blech.”
Heinz let out a yip.
“Care to translate?” I said, dryly.
“Heinz thinks you should tell Xander the truth about your past.”
Okay, I hadn’t actually expected him to translate. I’d been joking.
“And the dog knows everything too? You been having a lot of time to spill the tea together?” I couldn’t deny the sharp slice of betrayal that Bob told the dog about my past. Then I couldn’t deny that this entire situation was fucking bonkers.
Bob sighed. “The dog is from the afterlife. Just assume he probably knows more than even me.”
“And now he’s a house pet, dining on kibble and named after a condiment.”
“Heinz quite likes his name and when Xander went looking for your lost loved one, Heinz volunteered to come back to be with you and Jamal.”
Emotion swelled in my chest though I couldn’t name it. Grief, gratitude, guilt? Definitely one of the Big Gs.
“That’s it,” I said, lifting the dog with both hands before gently putting him on the ground and getting to my feet. “Enough therapy from supernatural creatures and objects today.”
Despite my irritation with Bob, I took him into the kitchen with me. I put the kettle on, though I didn’t really feel like having any tea. Heinz followed closely at my heels Apparently he felt he needed to be heard.
“This is crazy,” I muttered.
“Of course it is,” Bob said, though I really hadn’t been looking for his input. “But what’s making it more difficult is you aren’t allowing it to be what it is.”
“What does that mean?” I asked with a frustrated sigh, pulling at my braids.
I really should be resting. Tonight was the immortal ball and I would basically be put on trial in front of everyone. A piece of bait in a shark pit. I should be preparing my mind to be strong. Instead, I was unraveling faster and faster.
“It means you aren’t just one thing. You try to put everything into neat little boxes, and you put the ugliest things in boxes, burying them six feet under and never pulling them out again. Xander is making you feel and be everything at once and it’s confusing. Let it be confusing. You are not any one thing:mother, warrior, sinner, lover?—”
“Have you been listening to Meredith Brooks?” I asked, cocking a hand on my hip with suspicion.
The sentient blade went on as if he didn’t hear me. “You are all things at one time. It’s messy, Miranda. Being human is messy.”
I made a retching sound of disgust.
Heinz dropped onto my feet, looking up at me again with those big doleful eyes as if to say,You should really listen to him. We both feel this way.
“Xander is your equal opposite. He cannot control himself.”
“That’s not true,” I snapped. “Serqet almost pushed him past the edge, and he came back to himself before he lost it.” Not that I knew what that looked like anymore.
