Strong, elegant fingers slipped between mine and my hand automatically gripped as if she were my only lifeline. With a tug, she backed into the pool, drawing me along.
The feel of the water along my skin made me catch my breath. It wasn’t just any water; it was from the Red Sea. Imported from the shores of Egypt, from home. A place I wasn’t allowed to be near again. Not when I made them boil.
Miranda had seen me do that before but this time the water remained blissfully calm. Another shuddering sigh escaped me as I crouched down with her, the water lapping against my neck.
“Look at me,” Miranda murmured.
Despite the comfort of this place, I couldn’t swallow around the lump still lodged in my throat.
Her hands found my face, forcing me to do what she said.
My heart pounded so hard against my ribs, my bones ached. When I looked into her eyes I saw a deep, cutting sadness that matched my own. Tears streaked down her cheeks.
Did she pity me? Was she sad I broke any chances of being the man she needed? My mind raced to fill in the space.
“I am so sorry,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.
Of all the things I expected her to say, I hadn’t expected that. I reached for her waist, pulling her over to me. Her legs wrapped around my waist, but she didn’t release my face from her grip.
“I’m so sorry you felt you had to hide all the broken parts of yourself from me. I’m so sorry you felt you weren’t good enough. The world is often too much for me, and I’ve been living in it all this time. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”
My fingers dug into her sides as her words hit me almost physically.
I managed a small, pained smile, but the lump in my throat still wouldn’t budge. “You don’t know what you’ve done for me, Miranda. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it this far. You didn’t just give me a place to hide, you gave me sanity amidst thechaos.” My voice wavered but I pressed on, trying to convey my gratitude.
“I made you feel you weren’t enough,” she rasped. I shook my head, but her fingers tunneled into my hair, forcing me to stop the motion. “You couldn’t allow yourself to be broken with me, because I refused to allow myself to lose control around you.”
“You’ve lost control around me,” I countered, though it felt inappropriate to bring up our various sexual trysts. Even the thought of the bed on that stage, her writhing on that arcade game, the way her eyes turned glassy when she came apart under my touch, made my cock harden in the water. I couldn’t help it.
Miranda nodded. “I did. I have. And it felt fucking incredible. Terrifying but incredible.”
I gathered her closer to me. “I don’t want to terrify you.”
“I’ve been terrified of myself. Someone recently told me I should be forgiving of myself, let myself be all the things. Xander, you areall the things. The god, the man, you are steady when I need you to be, you are a mess when you have to be, and we need to stop punishing ourselves for all the messy parts.”
She pulled back slightly, bringing her lips close to my ear. “And I'm here for you, Xander. I’m here to help you find your way back to yourself. If that means I have to stay in here with you when you need it, then so be it.”
With that, her lips brushed against my neck and a jolt of electricity coursed through me. Her warmth seeped into every pore. The tension in my muscles began to dissipate as we held each other.
As we floated there, the darkness around us morphing into a million shades of blue, the sudden surge of relief that flooded through me was so intense and pure. I never knew such an emotion could exist within me.
“Miranda,” I whispered her name, but it echoed gently in the cavern. “I love you.”
Her response was a sharp inhale, and I wondered if I just undid everything all over again.
Chapter 25
The Badass
My heart stalled in my chest, the beat replaced by a deafening silence as Xander's words sank in. He wasn't just confessing his feelings, he was handing over his soul to me, bloody pulp that it was, and in this place the declaration was so sacred, tears stung the backs of my eyes again.
Xander went on in a rough voice, "I don’t need you to say it back, I just need you to know that in my entire existence I’ve never felt more alive, more anchored, more terrified, or had more fucking fun than when I’m with you.”
My arms tightened around his neck.
"I need to tell you something," I forced through my constricted throat. It felt as though my body was physically trying to hold back the words that were begging to be released.
“The story I told you, about my dog, how I begged my parents for a dog because I would love it and take care of it? There is a reason you couldn’t find him in the afterlife.”
